Day Eight 1.16pm NZT

Well well well. If life has taught me anything it should be to not act impulsively all the time. Taking the car to N.A meeting was a little that way, but my internal clock is on Samoan time at the moment. Waking up that it was ten minutes until meeting time and it was cold and wet. You can see a reasonable logical thought pattern in that?… I can.

I feel like I have been on a two or three day speed binge. It’s not as bad as a five or six day binge yet. I had a feeling I had hit the top and was on the way down. Don’t think this is going to get any worse. I want to eat but my mouth feels like water and my stomach only slightly more viscous. Am not grinding teeth like being on speed too long, but everything is similar ;

  • blurry vision
    Especially around the outside of vision
  • slow, tired, lethargic
    I don’t really have to explain that do I??
  • hypersensitivity to external stimuli
    Look it up. I think it means something
  • confused
    when I reversed the car over a ditch and got stuck I couldn’t find the spanner I was using

Hang on? What. Yeah, I went and reversed the car over a ditch and had one wheel hanging in the air. Took thirty minutes to get car out using jack and planks of wood. I am damn sure that would not have happened on a normal driving day.

And trying to sort out how to sit still in the N.A meetings is a hard one.

It is okay when out and about or typing on computer. But when sitting still, it’s bloody hard work! Maybe they will get sick of me and let me walk around the room slowly instead of sitting down in future? Had to do that during university lectures because of bad back condition. So there is  a precedent.

Some of the N.A people were interested in how the withdrawal is going. They don’t have an option otherwise with me being right in front of their damn noses! Anyway…. Most, especially those older professional types, just can’t believe that CADS could just send me on my way and refuse any form of detox help. They have had to sit there with me for hours on end. I guess they have a better appreciation of what it is I am doing.

At least some people who work in the area of addiction should have actually been forced to experience it. Sam McFuck, you are long overdue for a smack habit and a withdrawal. I know you used to work in mental health and are not really happy with your current job dealing with loser drug addicts, but pull your head in. You  are not god. I know this for a fact. God hides out in N.A.

Tell you what – For a complete hater of N.A I am turning into something of a believer. There are some old fellas there so much like me it is just nuts. And some real intelligent young ones. That’s the thing with opiate drug use in NZ. You have a higher class of addict.


Is cold here. Might walk 6km to Mums place and get a lift back with a lazer I bought to print out some research texts….


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