DAY 11 of methadone withdrawal

Hello and good morning to the beginning of a new life… Pity it is misty, cloudy, overcast, cold and generally oppressive out. Might just go back to bed. Thanks for the offer of beginning new life and all that, but I’ll get back to you. No, don’t call me, I will call you. Now get off my doorstep before the large menacing dog is let lose.

Okay, so it’s not that bad actually. I got some sleep. Closest approximation I can make is twenty to fourty minutes. You just would not believe how much better that makes you feel. Crazy huh? Fourty minutes sleep in fifty hours and I feel perky. Someone ring up the author of “Romancing Opiates” and tell him he was correct all along. Giving up opiates IS a “mere trifle” after all.

Perky.

Okay, relatively perky.

Good old Mr Theodore “I use a fake name to protect my child fantasies” Dalrymple says…

Everything you know about heroin addiction is wrong (really shit head? I’ve been addicted for twenty something years and you’re telling me? Good on you, what next?) Not only is it wrong, but it is OBVIOUSLY wrong. (O M G, I, sir, am truly in awe of your more advanced reasoning and bow before you – if only to spit on your shoes with my current hanging out non viscous snot) Heroin is not highly addictive; withdrawal from it is not medically serious (medically serious being terminal cancer, although I wonder….) addicts do not become criminals to feed their habits (okay man, now you’re talking, excellent premise, truly. You aren’t just trying to sell more copies of a shit book as your speaking guests all found you to be a bore and just too plain self centred and ugly to bother bringing around their speaking circuits…) addicts do not need medical assistance to stop taking heroin (quite right, we don’t. But it makes it a fuck of a lot easier. Didn’t you as a Doctor make an oath of some sort? As a junky I did. Mine was something more like “I am a screwball, loser, fuckup and therefore I wanna get high and steal and deal drugs and get wasted and forget all about life” maybe it would be beneficial to have medical help to make this subject, with this sort of underlying mental health issue, give up? Twat face) and contrary to received wisdom, heroin most certainly IS a moral or spiritual problem. (Dude, you are such a JEDI. You tell me what received wisdom I have had, and I will believe you. I will forget instantly that I have always thought of addictions as a mental health issue, which you term “moral or spiritual” in your pompous poise. I want to shoot your arm full of junk for six months and then put you in a cell. You will do fine. You will do well. You will do this because, mate, YOU DON’T HAVE A FUCKEN OPTION.)

Or maybe I just don’t like you because your beard, side burns and head hair seem to be the same item. AND you have two pairs of glasses on your head. Fuck me – Heard of bifocals?

He spends the better part of the book blaming the person who craves. That is a modern definition of addict.

I am fairly positive, in my not so pompous poise, of convincing many people that the term addiction (addict) comes from some language long ago forgotten (French maybe?)…  Addict means to be enslaved to a master and was used just as “I have sold you this man, he is now your addict”.

Is it hard to be enslaved to a chemical and not exhibit outward signs of needing more? Very much so. You feel like crap coming off, and it is a scary prospect.

Unfortunately some prison doctor took me off in jail even though, legally, he was wrong to do so. I protested, he said “get fucked” and I was withdrawing for a long long time. I was withdrawing when on 80mg of methadone. It was nuts. So I simply hid two or three days doses and had one day of bliss! Hah, take that prison system! I showed you. Hard.

So, there I was, at age 21, having done one of the hardest withdrawals you can ever get. 180 mg’s of methadrone down to zero. Five mg’s every two or three days. Bang. Yes, it was not pleasant. I could get no relief from the stooping over position. Could not walk fast. Luckily some gang member types were on my side, otherwise things could have got broken. Like my head.

I will leave these thoughts now, purely for my own sanity.

They also say “I’m doing my rattle” in referance to the shivering and shaking they get from withdrawal. The ironical argot of the addicts is one of the few even minimally attractive aspects of their way of life

(well, a human comment, finally. Still, take your poise and shove it in your well rounded ass. Besides, ironic, self-depreciating, gallows humour is the only “team-talk” an addict is ever likely to get.)

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