I not your fckn clown… Day 12

The TV guide told me that the Anderson show finished at 4.50am. It does get more than irritating when trying to rest and not being able.

I played a game or two with myself (not that sort of game… really…) by keeping my feet from moving an average of seven times every five seconds (yes, I counted – left foot is working about once every two seconds, right foot more than once a second)

It is possible to sit there and not move. But within seconds you can feel a sort of lactic acid build up coming. And then my arm starting getting very hot and I came over with more of the cold sweats within ten seconds of stopping the foot shaking.

Foot shaking resumed as per normal. Much happier to deal with that.

Went and swallowed 6mg of Loperamide Hydrochloride about 2am. Ate a banana at same time. Remember that Loperamide, although being an opiate, same as heroin, actually doesn’t do a good job of getting into the brain or the central nervous system (although I have worked out a perfect way of by-passing this if anyone cares to know…. Could be good – the Loperamide seems quite strong really) so it is sold purely for the other, non pain, use of opiates – It makes you constipated. Only, it doesn’t make me constipated at the moment. It allows me to keep food in.

Gave up on sleep and turned TV on about 3.30. The good thing about tv at that time is there is only one channel to watch and they run re-runs of The Amazing Race and Anderson Cooper. With no advert breaks. It is the best thing for us lifestyle insomniacs.

Not pleasant anyway. Testing a few other things to do with “hanging out” and found I am on the improve…

Proof is in the pudding. That handwriting looks okay.

I got to sleep sometime after Anderson on TV finished. Didn’t feel like sleep, but caught myself playing with my daughter and my sister. My sister did, in fact, die last month. So this was a giveaway…. I was asleep. I stayed that way until impossible to stay that way. I dragged it out as long as possible, but wake up you must young Jedi. Well in time to see the 7am news.

So I feel refreshed again for a little. One or two hours (at the most) sleep and I have my nine year old daughter for the weekend.

The weather is good, may just work out a way to get her bike from my place to hers and then meet her after school and ride the 5km back into town. It’s the 5km uphill I have to do in order to get there on my own bike that will be the crux of the matter.

And then there is N.A. meetings to attend over the weekend without your nine year old daughter working stuff out... Interesting it will be young Jedi.

OOPS. It is DAY THIRTEEN, not 12.

And holy fuck, it is raining hard outside now. And cold. And from the south. Sucks.

Have a look at what WIKIPEDIA says about lactic acid…

In medicine, lactate is one of the main components of lactated Ringer’s solution and Hartmann’s solution. These intravenous fluids consist of sodium andpotassiumcations along with lactate and chlorideanions in solution with distilled water, generally in concentrations isotonic with humanblood. It is most commonly used for fluid resuscitation after blood loss due to traumasurgery, or burn injury.

Now, that is interesting… That I should compare keeping your muscles still to lactic acid build up and that the two main things people suggest for this type of hanging out (or withdrawal symptom) is POTASSIUM and SODIUM intake — like why I eat Bananas and Gatorade as much as possible without getting all energised. Wow o wow.

Doctors love prescribing CLONIDINE therm pach

Clonidine has been investigated and prescribed first as an antihypertensive drug in the 1950s. It has found new uses later, including treatment of some types of neuropathic pain, opioid detoxificationsleep hyperhidrosis, and as veterinary anaesthetic drug. Clonidine is used to treat anxiety and panic disorder. It is also FDA approved to treat ADHD in an extended release form. It is becoming a more accepted treatment for insomnia, as well as for relief of menopausal symptoms.

Clonidine is increasingly used in conjunction with stimulants to treat attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), for which it is administered in late afternoon or evening for sleep, and because it sometimes helps moderate ADHD-associated impulsive and oppositional behavior, and may reduce tics, a problem in which a part of the body moves repeatedly and suddenly

This, in itself proves very interesting. I had better get back to the doctor. He wrote me a script for Clonidine but only put “1” in the “how many” field on the form. One patch!!! The pharmacist refused point blank to bring in one patch and sent me on my way!

This is very interesting. It has been accepted into use to help with ADHD (ADDH) AHDD symptoms, of which I exhibit many.

Fucken doctors and psych arseholes carry on like they are god. But they really are just useless. They didn’t even know that the pills they were prescribing for my opiate withdrawal were actually opiates themselves until I told them.


Right, I am going for a walk in the rain..

GODDAMIT. Why didn’t I just go and get that Clonidine script sorted out a fortnight ago?  And now that I know for a fact that Doctors and Psych’s are not god, I will check out who god “really” is later…



PS – Talked with medidical GP about lactic acid, he swtiched off and started think about ways to restrain me whilst getting a big shot of something special into my bum. Fucken typcial.


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