XV night time

Wow, had a good N.A.ZI meeting. There is an older guy there who takes his footy seriously. I remember playing against him quite a few years ago. He may have worn the outside of my hand across his nose as he was quite a quick defender if I remember. Not so flash with watering eyes tho. Hahahahahahaha.

Another guy is actually a pro footy player. Between the three of us I think we have the beginnings of an indoor soccer team.


Go to N.A. to start a footy team. Sounds like a typical thing to me. An old boss of mine called me the most random guy he had ever met. Coming from a New Zealander, that means something. Bought a tear to my eye it did.

Didn’t share anything at N.A.ZI. Just sat there and soaked up others miserable tales of selfish, violent, jail behaviour. One guy cracked me up. I kind of felt stink laughing so much. He was saying he took drugs and felt like superman, but in actual fact he wasn’t even Ace Ventura Pet Detective. Why was I the only one laughing like a young Canadian girl at a Flight of the Conchords gig? Jeezus.

They all go for drinks and diner. I say I am too broke and walk home happy and try to go to sleep. My feet aren’t shaking. I am content laying there on my side, still for the first time in fifteen days without chemical inducing coma.

One hour later and some bastard has completely kicked the inner out of the duvet cover. And all the sheets are on the floor. Fuck I hate these rude visitors…

Half an hour after that I remember I have a bath, so turn the heater on and get out of bed and sit in the bath until the water is cold. It is now 2 am,

My stomach feels constantly hungry. Like it has an ulcer or something. No matter what I do I can’t fill it. My mouth is a black hole. I open it, and any food, drink or building debris within a few metres just gets sucked in and into my stomach. Milk is good. Been going through a couple of litres a night. But then I burp and fart and… Well… I open my mouth and more crap goes flying in. But it’s a never ending cycle.

Think I lost more than a few pound by not eating for a week and losing what I did consume within minutes. Think the weight is going back on my stomach. All muscle definition from arms and legs is fading.  I feel more like a skinny old junky now than I ever have. You know the sort – Sinew and skin….

What do I expect really huh? Have basically lead the most unhealthy existence a human can live for the last month. Am just really glad that when I threw out the juicer no one picked it up, so I took it back the next day. Carrots and celery and all sorts are going through that thing regularly. Without it my skin would have probably stretched and fallen to the ground just to finish off the old junky effect. Just to make sure no one could miss it. Am thinking of getting a t-shirt made. ONE TIRED OLD JUNKY GET FUCKED or maybe YEAH,******************** BUM.

Remind me to delete those lines in the morning before any New Zealanders with connections wake from their hungover stupor and read it. The internet can be useful like that. Sorry, was just a little too full on. Had to ********* it. Bugger it. Will let you make up your own mind. Words included such oddities as “bum”, “girl”, “friend”, “yours”, “anal” and some adjectives. I would wear that fucken thing too. Especially when Dr Gabor Mates revolution rolls through Newtown.

Looks like another night of no sleep then. Just to keep me honest. Day 15 or 16 it is now. And sleep is important. But so is giving up drugs. I will do a few nights with no get out of jail free drugs to sleep and then do a night of sleep. Want to get all the crap out my system. But want to stay sane too.

Call me selfish.


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