Day 21- My mind is in my paws

Went to N.A.zi meeting this morning. Was good. I shared. In my quick fire, brief way. “HI, Tony, Addict, subject is surrender. I surrendered for first time ever recently, and am doing things again. By physically moving them away, and surrendering to what will be what will be, and not trying to control the situation, it has come back okay. (the next bit is directed to a new guy who shared he didn’t know who he was – He is a high ranking professional whom a lot of people put trust in actually… Anyway… I says….) “Dude, I am working out who I am. I am a fucken fourteen year old with the spine of an eighty year old.. I should be on drugs.”


This perfect weather is the place to be out of your mind. The weather is crisp, sunny. Depressing.

Oddly, after all this cold, wind, rain… I am more depressed in the good weather. People out doing things, me not feeling like doing anything. Offered some help with storm clean up, then moved on rapidly as did not have the correct garments on. Tidy clothes not good for rummaging through the debris of the local aquarium. Did see a couple of rather large dead cod that could have been taken home, didn’t seem right somehow. A bunch of tourists taking photos and this guy takes off with the dead fish…. Hmmmm, not a good look.

Went to visit a friend. Asked how he was ;

“Hey, how are you?” says me…

Yeah good mate.

We sit and watch TV whilst he eats his lunch, not offering me a drink or anything even though he can see I have just ridden there. He doesn’t ask how I am going with my sister just dead. Doesn’t ask after Mum or Dad (both of whom have fed, given lifts to and been an ear for his troubles…) He tells me he hardly ever watched channel 71 “as it is full of American propaghander crap” but always watches Simpsons (full of no crap I can only guess?…)….

He stands up. Turns off TV.

“What are you up to mate?” I ask.

Going to visit Spudboy. (Spudboy is his name for his fat mate… Kind of rude really huh? Well, actually not. You’d have to meet Spud. Deep down, I reckon he likes the name. Why are “friends” constantly fucken rude and abusive to each other any way? WTF. Lighten up people, go give Spudboy a hug…)

“Oh right, okay then. I have not got a license at the moment so I’ll catchup sometime soon……..”

Oh right, I want to move all this iron, (he goes on to list all these things he wants to do) and so I need your gearbox and wheels gone. Like yesterday. So that J’s Jeep can park there……

“Oh right. Cool. Throw all my shit on the tip. Don’t fucken care, I have no way of doing anything at present” and, so saying, put headphones back on and rode off to the sounds of Joy Division Enjoy the Silence drowning out whatever it was my friend said from that point on.

Might try a new Google search. “Friends that aren’t fuckwits nor on drugs in Wellington…..

GOD, Give me Serenity….

Dude, serenity I think may have to be earnt. She’s a high class sort of an escort. Don’t think prayer is going to change that.

But hey, god. Guess what? My higher power, kind sir. I think I do believe in something. Obviously it will never replace you, in your cushy dwellings on a hill overlooking the blob of world you created sans Big Bang.

Albert Hoffman

Albert Hoffman, problem child. – Yes folks, scientology esisted pretty much before L. Ron Hubbard, Tom Cruise and Jon Travolta. The inventor of scientology may have even been sued for ripping off copyrighted ideas in the days before creative commons licensing. Some kinky German (maybe it was really Swiss man Albert Hoffman in drag over the border on a bender) decided to go down this scientology route. Ever since we have bombarded with amazingly rudimentary and crap rip offs such as Celestine Prophecies (a novel “adventure” book thinly disguising blends of religion and scientific belief tutorings in the 90’s – I read it then, and here is a short version without all the crap about being chased by government agencies).

I don’t believe any people can see aura’s to the extent of “a blob of green light stretched from him, across the room to her. The people in the room snickered. He did not know why.” The rest of the room could see his aura reach out and rape this poor chick. The chick was up for it as it turns out. So why does everyone snicker anyway? The person who penned this rubbish was once a “free love hippy” so should be all for a bit of the old naked mud wrestling.

I sit at N.A. meetings next to some beauty females. I sit across from them. I sit diagonally to them. It is pretty easy to spot those who are keen. I don’t need no green blob of light. A half open head, a bit of old fella type knowledge, and some spectacles are all that is required. 

In themselves, these things are okay. They can work. They are all preaching from the same bible really. In a round a bout kind of way, these hippies, faux lesbian, global consciousness, monk people have all ideals from the same thought processes.

When much younger I figured we were all like parts of an atom, making up an atom, making up something much larger. Who is to say the planet is not just a molecule as part of something larger? Fuck you. You cannot prove otherwise, and this is as valid point as most. Especially if you happen to be ten.

Wow. The inventor of all this spiritual awakening modern day mumbo jumbo appears to be attributable to PLATO. For fucksake. Plato. The man, him and old mate Socrates would have fallen over backwards and fallen off their olive branches if they had the internet on their tablets and checked out what happened over the next few thousand years….. Check out this little list…

Plato in his academy. True story. Click on it, read, tell me I am wrong


That is all. I have spent the better part of a hundred hours working you out god. I am not a religious man. I fill out all my forms with atheist. Sometimes I write in Jedi as I heard once that if a thousand people write the same thing on a census form they have to add it as an option on the next population census.

Don’t think I am as bad a complete skeptic either. I don’t know what they believe, but I think I have explained some E.S.P (extra sensory exPeriences) of mine through simple science. Don’t know if the skeptics would let me away with that. Then again, a bunch of retard conspiracy theorists believe that the London underground bombings were a hoax. You can’t win.

Jesus was a brilliant man. And that Mary, holy christ she would be better than Princess Diana and Helen Clarke rolled into one. Jesus is somewhat misquoted and too many wars and politicians have confused the original guys empathic tendencies to more psychopathic confusion. Therefore, even the most new wave and rockstar religious groups are unbelievable. Sorry Jesus. They fucked you. And they threw Mary to the hounds.

They then took literal meaning to new heights… “Beware lest anyone rob you through philosophy and empty deceit…” (Colossians 2:8) This seems to mean, in context, to look out for an old camel fucker with a gang of biker chicks who will lead you astray. They converted it to, “FUCK ANYONE WHO SAYS DIFFERENT FOR EVER. You, them and their unborn children will go to hell for coming up with anything other than the crap we are feeding you. “

So, god. Uhm. Fucken hell mate, you’re really out there and I am going to bask in lake of fire and fry for eternity for talking to you thus? But what the fuck, the world is going to end in November 2014 before you fry my backside. With no world, there is no gravity. With no gravity I cannot sit in the eternal fire.  We could all become a black hole together. That sounds nice. Then, from this black hole, all the consciousness and souls that were atomised to create it will come forth and start anew. They will call themselves NZFIENDISTS (tm) and will register as a church and be tax exempt for all time. They will get wasted long, hard and often once they find a planet with enough gravity to pull the atoms back together… I will make sure to leave them a simple recipe for converting opium to heroin.

Makes as much sense as scientologists feeling that people came to earth, a couple of billion souls, and left them near volcanoes where they were promptly atomised with hydrogen bombs (if you want to argue, look it up… Scientology Incident 2)

I believe that bit. I don’t believe it was 75 million years ago, as claimed. They ruined it for me there. I think the dinosaurs actually invented the nuclear weapon and destroyed themselves. Cockroaches jump planets as they get consumed by the sun too. And Sam McBride puts his dick in his lime green dyson. Daily. I will go to court to prove any and all of these things as being true and not libel or slander in the slightest. Ring my publicist – I am on my way to High Court to defend a charge that Sam McBride uses his Dyson as a wank toy.

3D Joy Division (1960’s C1919 pulsar recordings) by Click picture for reasonings….

<<– WOW!_signal

WOW. I have worked out where the scientologists came from….

The location of the signal in the constellation Sagittarius, near the Chi Sagittarii star group. Because of the design of the experiment, the location may lie in either one of the two red bands, and there is also significant uncertainty in the declination (vertical axis). For clarity, the widths of the red bands are not drawn to scale; they should actually be narrower.

I could explain everything. Am getting tired. If you’re interested, click on stuff. I am Sagittarius. This makes it even more likely that when the world ends in November 2014 we will be left with a million years of sweet fuck all and the NZFIENDISTS will reign.

“My Higher Power”

“My higher power” makes some sense. There was a guy in N.A.zi land a while ago who used a door knob as his god. Focus on door knob. Pray your ass off. Door opens. God dies. Shit. Maybe he should have used a light bulb as the centre for his enlightenment (haha, drol)

Whatever works I guess. It worked for him. He can count how clean he is by years and years, months and months, and how many days. Wow. I am beginning to think I will be able to do the same. I will have to count back to the weekend after my sisters funeral. But I will remember the date for one seriously long hell of a time.

Even if my ass is frying in the devils lake.

Or my knob is tied to a door knob and the door is slammed shut.




And, you know what, after writing this, and deciding to cut the above 3D image out of hard wood,  I feel less depressed and feel as though I have done something worthwhile.

A total illusion, but one I will happily entertain. Good night.


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