Day 25. No, we don’t have C.A in N.Z

That’s too bad. They are fun in a “holy shit am I the only sane one in this room” kinda way.
You could be addicted to painting chickens and they would not care. My kinda people.

– RoseSiGNer from previous posts comments in relation to NZ not having a Cocaine Anon….

Yeahp, all our “every drug under the sun” anon is Narcotics Anon. Would be nice to have a “I stuck needles in my arm six to twenty times a day for twenty years Anon” (ISNIMASTTTADFTYA) and a few other choice ones : let’s see… I could go to…..

      • MONDAY – Datura, Fly Agaric, Cactus Eaters, Atropine, Sclopolamine, Hyoscyamne (HARDTRIP.ANON)
      • TUESDAY – Psilocybin, LSD,  psilocin, baeocystin, norbaeocystin (SOFTTRIP.ANON)
      • WEDNESDAY – Ecstasy, mdma,  Benzylpiperazine (BZP) (GIRLPARTYDRUGS.ANON)
      • THURSDAY – Barbiturates, Benzo’s, Halcion, GHB and a lot of heavy psych drugs (DOWNERS.ANON)
      • FRIDAY – Ketamine, Phencyclidine (PCP), Nitrous Oxide, Alkyl Nitrite, Diethyl Ether  (OUTTHERE.ANON)
      • SATURDAY – Opium, Smack, Heroin, Methadone (NARCOTICS.ANON)
      • SUNDAY – Amphetamine, Crystal Meth, Methamphetamine, Cocaine and Methylphenidate (TWEEKERS.ANON)

This would leave me time for my cannabis, caffeine, bdsm porn and wanking meetings every second Sunday morning alternating.


Hell, when you look at that it is hardly any wonder half of us have gone to the mad side of the nutter ledger. I missed a year of mushroom tripping once. And have not been back. I have not had a trip for three years. No cactus, fly agarics or serious trips for over a decade. No ecstasy or girly cocaine or anything for five or six. No cannabis for a decade (well, maybe one puff here or there..) No booze for over a decade (maybe one or two New Years or birthdays)… Etc etc etc. Maybe I only need to go to Saturdays meeting after all….

It is hard to own up and admit what you’ve done and be completely honest when there are people there whom are heads of business etc whom are just worried about smoking pot in the mornings. The Surgeon from the hospital down the road who is coming off legal high drugs and whom cannot work out why he feels so shit, even though he just admitted to not sleeping for 48 hours…. duh … The guy with dreads like mine, until I cut them off, who never said what he was on, but I suspect strongly cannabis was about it…

Talking with these guys isn’t all the fun, frollick and constant bollock that I get from talking to old junkies whom are still using. They take it all a bit hoity and toity. A bit upper class. A bit NAZI.

Even guys I never used with, like band members whom know of me, but just know me as cheeky humour.

Today this suit guy yelled out to a guy in a van “oi mate, Fred, what you up to?”

I clocked this. They guy in the van had a high viz shirt on, a hard hart and was turning into a building site, so I yelled out “Fucken working dumbarse”…. 

Suit guy turns around and see’s me and a couple of guys cracking up and scowls “wasn’t asking you” which just made me laugh harder.

A guy at coffee shop whom is still on the methadrone… Good fun, talking shit about the old days, dealing and police and everything. That’s what it is, good humour and stories. Makes me think gladly about getting out of the scene. No way I could talk about that in N.A. Ever.

John, at coffee shop, BailterSpace guy… He’s got a good sense of mirth about him too. Not a day goes past without us coming up with some really off beat and awful humour. Is great fun, when he has time…

DUDE, don’t shoot up those 7.5 Zopiclone. That shit could be ugly. Just swallow them man. Seriously.

There are a few guys like that at N.A too. But the “N.A way” seems to beat it out of them. There are not enough hours in the day to live the N.A way really. Not if you bother typing a blog. Not if you want to work out stuff for yourself without fear of being indoctrinated.

Every second guy says “wow, great meeting. It’s so good to be here, without N.A. I would be……..” and then “I thank these rooms and the people in them and the fellowship for keeping me clean”. For fucksake guys. YOU ARE KEEPING YOURSELVES CLEAN. Not me. Not him. Not some imagined brotherhood. Not even the fucken devil, god or angel bloody twat face.

YOU are the ONE person who can pick up and use. No one else can force you to. YOU are the ONE who keeps yourself clean. If scientology had a NARCANON here I would go there. If only to learn all their extra life skills courses whilst in their care.

The biggest N.A success story I have heard of is a guy who went there to find vulnerable girls. He found one.  Me, I don’t really like that. I may be a perverted little shit, I’ll try and stick it in ya sideways if you blink at me, but no way I could live with myself doing that crap.

Tonight I had a choice.

I looked at and then I had a look at … At 8pm on Thursday June 27th 2013 there is a show labelled “ALL NEW FUTURAMA” on TV4.

Cold weather, 3.5km walk or bike ride, listen to old junkies tell me that my concept of god is irrelevant whilst they grin like Tom Cruise on Oprah Winfreys couch.

Call me silly, but Lila and Fry have won.

FOOTNOTE – Just as I put the NA logo on this and uploaded it, my phone went off and there is an N.A guy with a car a wanting to know if I want a lift to meeting in the cold.

I replied “NAH MATE. Going to watch Futurama….”

He has now replied “Ok. You all good?”

“Good enough. Read blog in chronological order if you’re really interested. But really, am okay. Cheers mate.”

He has said he will read blog five times. Doubt he’s ever looked. That’s fine, would prefer THEM not to know me that well. But HIM, that is okay. HE is a good guy. I like HIM. Individually. I don’t know him well. I don’t him not well. I know him enough to trust him with knowing me in the flesh and reading this blog.

There is probably eight or nine people at most who know me personally and know about this blog. There is Sam McBride (Psychiatrist, friend of Dyson), Sandy Baigent (Lawyer, head chef at NZ Public Defendants Office), a couple of N.A guys, an old N.A graduate girl and a straight guy from the coffee shop who has never used, an ex partner, my Doctor and the Doctors receptionist.

Ended up having a little text conversation with the guy. There are issues with people looking down their noses at me, there are issues with me seeing the can being passed around and me seeing over sixty dollars in it in one night whilst I can only afford two minute noodles for dinner yet they have this speel about “tradition number 666, we are self funding and need your cash” so I always put a dollar or two in. Added together, this has cost me $70 over the last three and a bit weeks. They don’t give out GST receipts either. That money could buy me and my daughter a bus ride to our friends in Wainui this weekend. Instead we are living off the $30 I have.

I am interested in new life. Not old. Sitting around talking about past problems all the time is not new. I can talk about that for a few hours whenever I want with people who laugh and crack up when I tell them about being hand cuffed and then thrown off the first floor balcony onto a police car. The police then charged me with “intentional damage” for denting their car. (yes, I know I have told this story before – there are plenty of others, but I am protecting some of my own good stories for when I learn to write proper…grow up…. and write a dirty porn drug book…..)

So, I kept an open mind.

More open than some of the N.A pricks whom are openly putting me off.

One day they will “get it”. But until then they are just drones of N.A…
Me? I’ll be back on the gear and loving it. Sam McBride and N.A have told me so.



  1. Something just tweaks in my head when I read that sentence, wanking meetings? Thank you so much, my friend, for that mental picture.


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