28 days, no surprises. No sir.

Hi again. Beauty day here in Wellington – you cannot beat it on a good day. Promise. Come, experience. http://www.wellingtonnz.com/

Things that could have been better ;

  • Could have caught a fish whilst fishing.
    But not that big of a problem really. We hardly ever catch anything edible anyway. And when we do, we don’t realise what it is until we’ve thrown it back and looked it up on a fish chart later. At least we fed a lot of fish. Some of the bait was being taken. Well, actually – All of it got taken. We gave about 1kg of anchovy and pilchard to the Wellington fish stocks. Almost got one, but I think it had eaten enough and moved off to have an after dinner snooze.
  • My daughters mother was not such a spawn of retard devil
    I text her at 3:47pm asking if she was going to pick our daughter up (as per our court agreement) or if I was responsible for getting her home (as per her normal demands)…
    She didn’t text back until 4.30pm and my daughter and I had made plans to go to Burger King. I told her thus on a text at 4.33.
    She then rang, but I cannot trust her, so did not answer and sent my standard text – “Please just text or email, so we have records for the court, thanks”
    She then rang her daughter, got our daughter to hand the phone over and told me to stay where I was and she was coming to get our daughter right now. I said “No, we are going to Burger King” (well, that’s would I would have said if she wouldn’t have started yelling and swearing and before I got to say “we are going to……” she had obviously used up all her loud swearing vocabulary and hung up.
    My daughter and I left immediately and snuck down all the alleyways possible to go to Burger King.
    The EX then texts and says “HAVE HER HOME BY SEVEN” (as she had gone to my place and found it empty).
    I reply “No way am I coming up your place, will go to a place where there are heaps of people [witnesses] at seven.”
    And there started a drama…
    Even though I always drop her off, or arrange for her to be dropped off, at seven. Even though the court ordered the EX to DROP OFF *AND* PICK UP our daughter… .They ordered this as my EX said I was stalking her neighbour or some shit. I laughed really hard at this and said “well, she will have to drop off AND pick up our daughter then. Obviously I cannot be in the neighbourhood.” The judge agreed. Safer communities together! Hahahahah. Anyway, that lasted all of three months, and her V8 car obviously cost a bit too much to run so……….
    Not to mention the amount of times I have had to use my eighty year old Mum or my more recent ex partner to help out as the mother of my daughter just can’t be bothered.
    Anyway, eventually she sends her new husband down to pick up our daughter. It is only 1km from her house.
    And this is the person who takes me to court to stop me seeing my daughter. She is on methadone. Sure, it is prescribed daily. I may admit to acting like a 14 year old as I come of the drugs. But she still thinks she is a 14 year old crack whore……….

Might call in and see her lawyer in the morning. “Hey there, just thought I’d save you the cost of mailing me whatever bullshit you’ve come up with. Here, I’ll sign for it. Thanks…”

So, no surprises there at all. No sir. Not one. You would have thought after nine years she could grow up and actually talk like an adult to me. But, nope. I offered to meet and talk last week, she just rang and abused me. It gets tiring.

Shit. Fan. Hit.

Other than all that, I feel kind of okay. Still not sleeping that well, but have taken all the drugs away other than an emergency zopiclone and the Omeprazole for the stomach ulcer.

Four weeks. Even the intestines feel like mine again. I can eat normal amounts of food. Not heaps as it passes through me constantly, and not too little. It’s just right. I am managing to absorb nutrients and am back on about 86kg for my 182cm (190pound 6ft). That is pretty average sort of build. Although my arms look like an anorexic sixty five year old chicks. Have not been building or doing much for two months now. Back is sore a bit. This is an issue. This usually means anti inflammatories and / or pain killers. I slow down too much otherwise. Having bits missing and a big arthritic bit isn’t much fun when trying to entertain a nine year old… Carrying bags and bikes and then riding and walking and playing. Is enough to wear out the fittest sixty year old.

And I ain’t the fittest sixty year old.

I am one screwed up thirty nine year old.

God almighty, relax NZFiend…

Okay. You know what I do in order to relax nowadays?

Go to bed and read a book?
Put on a DVD?
Put electric diodes on my testes and plug them in?

Actually, no. I have not turned the little electric shock machine on for a while.

The first thing I think of is putting on an old vinyl record and reading some more of something like “NeuroScience and Religion” or “Rethinking Madness – Towards a Paradigm Shift In Our Understanding and Treatment of Psychosis” (that last title is in 96pt Papyrus font btw… Very neat – if you’re a 90’s fly fishing brochure….)

Tonight I am not doing those heavy ones. I am going to annoy myself silly with a chapter from (omg, I put the book down and cannot find it – I have not even got out my seat…. Brains are complicated things at the best of times… I wonder where I left mine….?) “STEPPING OUT THE SHADOWS – Insights into Self-Stigma and madness.”

You see, MADNESS is a common acceptable term. You actually sell more PEPSI by saying crap like “I’m a nutter and madness has me. Buy PEPSI”. Like I say, bring back the stigma. It is *not cool* to be a fucken recovering addict dick wads. It is seriously un-cool.

Go make an industry with something else.

Anyhoooooooo –

I understand self-stigma as a kind of toxic osmosis where a person’s self identification process is negatively impacted by prejudicial social attitudes. These attitudes are internally nurtured and if left unchecked they become increasingly destructive.

– Nikki Smith, not rocket science, Self-stigma and addiction, p109

This book, Stepping Out the Shadows is going to annoy me. I can tell.

I can tell this because it was written in 2009. It was written in New Zealand. And I can almost guarantee you that everything in it – every little problem, whinge, moan, gripe, complaint and idea – is still current today.

Yes folks, you read it here first. Nothing has changed since 2008.

I am going to bed later tonight more annoyed at the politicians and health care bosses than my daughters mother.

My daughters mother is just childish and stupid.

The politicians and health care bosses cannot use that excuse.

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