Turns out that although I am good at re-inventing the wheel, I have potential. For a while I’ve been using ADhD to describe ADD / ADHD in some more serious moments. Suppose I am getting bored. Serious. Ah, bugger it. Guess it had to happen sooner or later.

The headaches of keeping my brain on one track seem to be easing slightly.

But, there is no doubt about it. My whole f’ing life is ADhD. Absolutely 100% classic case of. And yet I have known this for a decade and have not been able to get a diagnosis as they all just write down “drug seeking behaviour”.

The last time this happened was a month ago when I complained about lack of diagnosis to Sam McBride (chief dyson fucker at Wellington Addiction Disservices) during the now infamous meeting where he didn’t work out I was contemplating throwing him out the window and wrote that I was calm and behaviour was in context. Blind Sam. Blind.

Anyway, I complained about no diagnosis so no treatment plan was available. I did not complain about “no amphetamines” like he wrote in his report. How the hell am I meant to show that load of crap report to anyone Sam? I need some proof for the family court, but with that garbage in there, what judge in their right mind (or left frontal lobe) would give me my daughter? You are telling them I am complaining bitterly about not getting free crystal meth basically. Sam who never answered my nice requests. Sam who never bothered replying to my requests… The same Sam who now gets accused of having sex with his lime green dyson instead of looking after clients needs. If they followed the business model they claim to, I would be a CUSTOMER. Customer and clients = Funding. Wake up Sam, I could pay your wages.

I complained about the same thing with my back pain for years. They never diagnosed anything until I presented one day with no (or little) control over bladder, bowel or left leg. They then operated and gave me as much oxycodone as I could swallow. For a week. And I ended up shooting it all anyway. Just quietly. What do you expect?!

I am reading a new book right now. Scattered. How attention deficit disorder originates and what you can do about it. Go have a look in “rants” at “books”…

Brilliant thus far. Best book I never read. Just wish I found this when it was published a decade ago. My life and my daughters life would be so much better with this knowledge.

Which brings me to my original point again.

ADhD. Attention Deficit (hyperactivity) Disorder. And yes, it is a disorder of a life. Just this morning I was typing in how messy my workspace is. How messy my flat is… Car… I am even losing friends due to my mess being at their houses.

I could go on and on…. But my back is absolutely killing me. And some fuckwit told me I cannot use opiates any more.


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