DAY 33. Did you do your police complaint paperwork?

Today I went to the library to quietly use a computer, read a book and basically not be at home.

tank_girls_vs_scatteredI read three pages of Scattered Minds about ADhD and a chapter of TANK GIRL, Apocalypse. In it there is a list of people whom think the world will end. One of them says November 2014. Just like NZFiend. This was not all about Tank Girl that rung true. It was published in 1994 and therefore not everything in it is true.  But predicting a number of things was… Is a very good read, highly recommend it. Well, I read one chapter of ADhD book and all of TANK GIRL. Good god I am hopeless.

Favourite bit – Everyone is stuck on another planet and dying after the world gets blown up with nukes. The last frame of the cartoon has “therefore everyone is stuck and we leave the next writers with the continuity difficulties…..”

F C K N A!

Someone should start a TANK GIRL CHURCH. We could all move to a new planet and worship Xenu together.

(And get all our taxes exempt.)

COURT and POLICE COMPLAINT PAPERWORK FIEND….

Uhm. Well, I started to do court paperwork. Honest. I didn’t get far, but at least it’s a start I guess. Nothing like the ADhD for giving things the best opportunity to go pear shaped. (rolls eyes, hits forehead on desk, spanks own ass with a large wooden spoon…)

Having ADhD is a hard sell. Those with issues similar relate and you can see them opening up and reflecting on themselves as you list a few things you do that are considered ADhD-like. The youngish lady whom has appeared in these pages before (anon) with her OCD talked tonight at N.A. She said the same thing as me, just said a lot more and was better behaved about it. Afterwards I hunted her down, cornered her, scared off all the guys who want to hook up and we had a good word. Had a good talk about her relationship with her mother and father and all sorts of shit that you probably shouldn’t talk to an almost stranger about.

That is the good thing about groups such as N.A.

Group Cognitive therapy. By peers. The only thing that would work better is if we all had a good dose of LSD-25, some ergotamine or other psychedelic of reasonably measurable dose consideration.

A group of say, fifteen, dysfunctional mental fruit loops in a room with one or two “leaders” with open discussion in mind would work for mental health of all sorts of denominations. I believe that followers of the Koran may have had similar “asylum” set ups over a thousand years ago. They would talk, as groups, possibly with leaders steering the conversation gently. This is good, even great, therapy on so many levels. People related to each other, they learn from one another. Even though the ADhD doesn’t really like learning from mistakes (anyone whom has seen me ride a motorbike will attest to that…!) sometimes enough of other peoples sharing sinks in for me to remember bits later.

That is one reason why I am not doing the 12 steps. I cannot remember anything that well from text books. I really need to buy some books instead of getting them out the library. You cannot draw all over library books. And I will want to quote passages and forget where they are from and who wrote them. This is an issue for appearing scholarly.

Anyway… Where was I?

That’s right. Having a hard sell. I told people I have ADhD as a tester. They don’t know me well. They only know me from N.A meetings. One young guy shut up and listened intently. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes never left me and one of the older N.A guys tried to pull my diagnosis to bits. Everything I do, he said, was normal human stuff. Like standing up, forgetting why it was you stood up, so sitting down again.

Sure, I said. But how about this… 

That is normal too.

Okay, how about this…

Yes, normal.

How about this…

Normal….

After about twenty things I just gave up as he was annoyed I was talking so fast and would interrupt him to make a point. He even had to remind me what we were talking about twice in the space of a five minute conversation. 

BUT THERE IS NO WAY I HAVE AN ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER ACCORDING TO HIM. Wow. Dude, didn’t you just get really annoyed with me in the space of five minutes for talking too fast and getting off track and paying attention to other people not to what we were saying? Uhm. Fella….

This is, unfortunately, all too common. Others just think the problem is drugs.

In N.A they say “before we found N.A we would have ended up in jail, institutions or death.”…. I am more likely to be in jail, institutions or death WITHOUT DRUGS!

By identifying the problem, I think I can start to understand it and control it. Impulsivity, making the same mistakes, constantly having to do something…

Hell, tonight was classic me. I was sitting next to a doctor in N.A rooms and it was “general sharing time” when anyone can speak up. The silence was annoying. It went on and on and on. And no one spoke. This went on for an unbearably long time. Guess who broke the silence?

Yeah, it was me.

(Rolls eyes, slaps head etc)

The doctor next to me snickered. After the meeting he said “I was enjoying that silence, I knew you’d be the one to break it. I could feel you getting more and more fidgety… Like a steam boiler building up pressure. You did well. I thought you were going to go well before you did…. It took you almost a whole minute… ” Hahahahahahaha. This doctor guy… He’s a very clever observer of people, places and things. He snickered a few times during my quick sharing. I think one time was when admitting to chasing police up the road with my car and putting it matter of factly down to “impulse control may be an issue”…….

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