Day, who the hell cares?

I really don’t care what day it is of “recovery”. I have said this before, I said it out loud to a room full of N.A people even. It went something like this…….

Fuck me,
Fuck you,
Fuck everybody,
Fuck everything,
Fuck recovery.

Life is about kids.
We are only on this planet for one thing that I can see,

This actually got a few people clapping. One of them is a counsellor. Three other were middle aged Mums. The people I was addressing it to had complained about a guy bringing his kids to meeting where they played outside and made a bit of noise. It didn’t even register on the annoyance scale to me. Kids are kids. But to young professionals who are intent on recovery (read selfish non-parents) this is an affront to their recovery.

Stuff them and their recovery. By creating conflict in the kids they… Well. Fuckit. I am not going there. I have had enough of this thinking. … Have been up all night thinking about implications of my daughters upbringing. Have had to put some old punk on the record player. The Maori chick upstairs has turned up her BOYS 2 MEN.



How are you this morning NZFiend?

Not well Dr Phil, not well at all. Got to sleep about midnight and then woke up and lay there for hours thinking about my kid and not being able to see her. And then got up and looked at the time. It was only 2am. Used toilet, went back to bed. Read a bit of a book. And……

Yes, we are all friends here, you can talk openly

Well… Phil, you’re kind of a knob to be honest. I know millions of people watch this crap show of yours daily. I guarantee you they ain’t all my friends.

Like time through an hour glass, the hog doesn’t waddle like a toad NzFiend.

Right. Good one. I think I understand you there Phil. (coughs)

This book is telling me all about “gut feelings” like when you’re stressed or scared you get a “gut ache”. Well, that’s what I have. And I have it big time. I have had a bloated, gas like feeling for over a month. No amount of anti acid drug is seeming to help. This book, which I was reading anyway and just happened to start talking about “gut instincts” is a real eye opener. Stress leads to irritable bowel syndrome and a whole heap of things. I am burping and farting like all buggery Phil….

And now we have a message from our sponsors….. SECURITY!




Am off to Family Court in two hours. I wonder if I should explain how close I came to walking in with a shot gun and simply shooting everyone repeatedly? Probably not a good idea. I have two options ;

    After walking the whole way down the tracks from Lower Hutt to Wellington the other night, this seems stupid really. But then again…
    This seems like a good thing. Just continue what I am doing. I am doing the right thing. I know this. But I want to start making change in the world. And I have found a short cut…Walk into family court and shoot everyone.This would result in mass media portrayal of the situation and may lead to quicker social change. It will also guarantee my daughter a psychotherapist for life. Free of charge. WIN WIN!





Herrnstein and Prelec (1992) offer four interpretations of addiction:

Addiction as disease

Addiction as disease suggests that the addict literally cannot help themselves in the same way that a person with a disease cannot help becoming ill.

The opposite of this is addiction as choice, where the person makes conscious decisions to indulge in the behaviour that eventually becomes addictive. Even when addicted, they have choice in deciding to fight the addiction. There are companies such as Narconon (the best thing to come out of Scientology) that offer help in the fight to overcome addiction.

Although this is still prevalent in social conversation, modern addiction research has, to a large extent, discredited this ‘disease’ model.

The ‘disease’ model has caused me, NZFiend, to almost have an argument with a very well respected young Doctor last night. He is completely shut to any other form of thinking. He see’s it in black and white – If someone had no mental illness before using drugs, then the addiction to drugs is a disease. He is young.

Addiction as rational self

This model views the addict as a rational consumer who chooses to partake of the addictive behavior from a position of constant free will.

The current view is that whilst consumption may start as a rational choice it gradually becomes less as the addict becomes attached to the target addictive substance.

There is also the question as to whether there is ever completely free will. Recent research has highlighted how the subconscious brain activates in a decision before the conscious brain.

Addiction as a primrose path

This model interprets addiction as as an unknowing process whilst the person indulges in pleasant activities. The person slips gradually into dependence without realizing what is happening until it is too late.

Addition as divided self

This has as multiple-personality viewpoint where the ‘addict’ appears as a  separate aspect of the self. It assumes that people hold inconsistent preferences, either concurrently or successively. This leads them to both seek rational behavior whilst also taking the irrational steps of an addict.

Well. Interesting. I think all this does is confuse the issue for our current medical providers. is a provider of treatment services that suggests the “disease model” does not work, as agrees with. 

Anything that takes a real holistic approach to recovery stands a chance of working. You need life skills  you need to know who you are, you need to work within oneself, you need to grow emotionally. All these things are inherent in humans without addiction. Its just that whilst addicted, many find it impossible to connect the dots.



NZFiend on July 25, 2013 at 8:17 pm said:

In relation to article about PSYCHOPATHIC CRIMINALS being able to feel empathy in the brain, but is dissociated  from it in society interactions.

Rather than being labelled PSYCHOPATH the term should actually be “SOMEONE CAPABLE OF PSYCHOPATHIC BEHAVIOUR or RESPONSE”

You could then have a scale. The HARE PCL-R test is not up to this task. It superficially gives as much weight to EMPATHY as it does to picking your nose in public (well… Not quite… But close…) The HARE test should have weighting – EMPATHY should be out of four, not two. PULLING HEADS OFF CHICKENS AS A BABY should be given five or six. But all the results are 0,1,2. This does not work well.

So, maybe you could get someone who is 90% psychopathically inclined and someone who is 10% psychopathically inclined, but both have 100% empathy ratings?

This, in itself, shows why the medical model of dealing with mental illness is doomed to die with American style capitalism. Unfortunately this is a long way off!

However, neuro science is now catching up with the likes of “positive affirmation providers” and they are completely compatible. The whole body response to emotion is another step. Look up PSYCHONEUROIMMUNOENDOCRINOLOGY or Dr Hershfield PSYCHONEUROIMMUNOLOGY if you want to spend a few days getting all sideways and bent over the whole thing.

Highly recommend it actually. Then try PHYSICS IN MIND book and… Well… Okay, sorry. Leave you to it before I get carried away ;-)

I am, after all, only an opiate addict hitting sixty days clean.

My brain is obviously not working properly yet.


Say something, we want to know...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s