Day 85? 84? Uher. Whatever. Am I an addict?

Addiction, as discussed previously, means to be enslaved to a master.

This is the definition from the Oxford English Dictionary from 1800’s through to 1989.

ADDICTION … [ ad. L. addiction-em, n. of action f. addic-ere ]
Rom. Law. A formal giving over or delivery by sentence of court. Hence, a surrender, or dedication, of any one to a master.

(my bold type in last sentence)

In 1989 they added more popular culture meanings which are somewhat confusing and seem to go in full circles. Like saying “one plus one is two, because 2 minus 1 is one….”

Addiction does not mean your body has been invaded by pathogens, virus, or truck exhaust smoke. 

Yesterday I decided that being a “recovering addict” is a kind of stupid term. “I am in recovery”.

No I fucken am not. I am not “in” recovery from addiction.

Addiction is being enslaved to a master. Take away the master, take away the literal meaning of addiction.

Problem being is that addiction, in it’s common term usage in this day and age of complete worldwide brainwashing and bullshit, is not understood correctly.

The doctors, the politicians, the law… They all treat addiction as something it isn’t, and will never likely be. A disease. 

Addiction is only bad some of the time. I think we can get too carried away with addiction being this ugly fiendish thing that wants to kill all in it’s relentless path.

As an example – The person addicted to work. A Workaholic. He is seen as someone to be respected, going places. His wife and kids may have a different story to tell, but the biographies, the tv appearances and the book deals will tell the story that the history books will record. And the free market economy will parade him as a role model.

In the old days the like of Saul of Tarsus could have been considered a completely psychopathic addict. In fact, he was. No doubt about it actually. Corinthians was his finest work. He did things like this – (just for the record)

  • Pissed off people so much that they beat him to death (or what they considered was most likely going to be death) and threw him outside the city walls. He was such a psychopath that he then returned to the city (Lystra, now in “Turkey”). Would you, having been stoned, all the teeth knocked out your face, left for dead in a sewage dump, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and sneak back in to the very place everyone hated you?
    You would? Holy crap. Look me up. Before I grew up we would have had good fun.Together. In a Laurel and Hardy or Thelma and Louise kind of way.
  • Spent almost a decade in jails at various times of his adult life.
    Not so much anti-social-personality-disorder. More completely selfishly driven wanker.
  • Has a huge argument with St Peter saying the ST PETER is an asshole hypocrite for forcing gentiles to live under a gods law, when he himself did not. Good old Peter did wrote to the Corinths complaining that they were not addicted to the church enough
    16.15 … I beseech you, brethren (… the Stevens have addicted themselves to the ministry of the saints)
    16.16 … That ye submit yourselves unto such and that every one that helps and labours
    (sure, that is my paraphrasing. Look it up yourself if you want.)
  • Committed crimes against humanity that would be called genocide under the Geneva convention by todays standards.
    (executed many many Christians after publically culling their leader)
  • Spent days adrift in boats due to shit poor planning I reckon. Having little regard for safety and disregard for others…
    (Who cares about the consequences anyway? I am on a mission to “score”)
  • He was lashed the maximum times by law five times in his career as psycho addict asshole. Thirty nine times each.
    (No mean feat. It was considered fourty lashes would kill)
  • One day, on the road to Damascus following yet another move in his parasitic and transient life style he saw a light from heaven and had some auditory hallucinations that left him a little blind for a day or three.
    (Symptomatic of temporal lobe epilepsy and maybe consuming the wrong mushrooms the night before, but written in history as a message “to keep me from becoming conceited”)
  • A whole heap of other completely one track minded, addicted, psychotic behaviour that you can read at your own leisure.

You can read all about this old day menace yourself in great detail. Saul of Tarsus saw a flash of light from heaven, got one too many rocks to the side of the head, or whatever mushrooms are to blame. He woke up a few days later and decided to write half the New Testament under an assumed name of Saint Paul. I think.

He also takes a leading role in the Acts of the Apostles.

But when he got his rather large migraine headache / epileptic seizure he was actually on his way to Damascus to kill a whole heap more people. Christians I guess. They just weren’t addicted enough you know.

Before this knock in his noggin he had believed the law (Jewish Torah) kept people in a right relationship with God[Gal. 2:16] [Gal. 3:12]

After the crank shaft in his cranium missed a beat, he thought the (Jewish) law only reveals the extent of people’s enslavement to the power of sin—a power that must be broken by Christ [Rom. 3:20b] [7:7-12]

True story. Good old Paul the Apostle (Greek: Παῦλος Paulos, c.5 – c. 67), original name Saul of Tarsus, Saint Paul, got himself a bash on the head and joined “Jewish Anonymous” on the spot.

So, these addict types are amazing people. Combined with a little psychotic interlude here or there. And a large dose of psychopathic trait. Just to liven things up a little.

More recently in history addiction has become a really bad word. Really really bad. Even worse than being enslaved to a master.

So bad, in fact, that people are writing books on it constantly. It bores me to tears. People writing books offering very little that you would find outside a regular twelve step programme meeting. Some of these authors are still on methadone or heroin maintenance. Yet they feel they can tell me that I have a disease and that I should follow their way to “recovery”. How the hell do you, even if you are a doctor, expect me to listen to your tales of “recovery” when you are still using large daily doses of your drug of choice? RETARDED is the only word to describe this Americanistic attitude. “I am not an addict any more… Now I take legal opiates daily…” RETARD writing for the RETARDED. Sam McBride would love this shit. He would read the book, email the author, and offer her speaking engagements. RETARDS. Sam McBride and this author could then have babies together. And we all know their babies would be addicts too. Because, as we all know, addiction is a disease and is 100% transmitted via genes. Idiot retard babies actually. It is all in their genes. Retard genes at that. Hhhaaahahahah.

Oh my god, shut the fuck up and say something slightly serious NZFiend……..

For all intents and purpose we should maybe define addiction somewhat. Just to keep it inline with modern usage. How about saying something like

A compulsion to act repeatedly in such ways which will harm self or others.

This is my own term. I just made it up. I am damn sure that someone like Bruce K. Alexander would choke on his own spit at reading that simplistic explanation. Never mind, he will live. Am damn sure someone as clever as him would have a nurse close by to pat his back and perform the heimlich maneuver. Stat.

So, now I have adequately defined addiction (have given up aiming for perfection remember. That is an addiction in itself. Am happy with adequate nowadays) it is time to move on slightly.

I said the other week that I am now a recovery addict. 

This is not stupid. This is worryingly wrong. Am I left to swap one addiction for another my whole life? Maybe I could have another kid and simply become a “dad-a-holic”.

As I have said, I have been addicted my whole life. From extreme sports, risk taking behaviours, alcohol, drugs, sex, work, university, car maintenance…… Anything I do turns into a bloody addiction. The work life balance thing is not an option. Life doesn’t exist without an addiction for me.

I have to admit it.

I am not in recovery.

I just have to not kill thousands of Jews, Christians or Massey University students.

I have to keep the addiction side of my nature healthy somehow. This is achieved, for me, through creative output and thought processes. I get a high from working things out for myself, even though I do re-invent the wheel on a daily basis.

Most of the people I see in N.A are addicts for life too. They do it in all sorts of little ways. They even get addicted to going to meetings and talking about being addicted (it is a bona fide addiction…)

The only way to recover from addiction is to live sans addiction. At some level or other I think this is impossible for a lot of us. Particularly the ADhD type personality that existed before the addict. We are driven to do things via hyper concentration, at the total expense of others.

Have a look at the bloody Saint who wrote half the New Testament.

Have a look at me.

Am I an addict?

YES I FUCKEN AM. AND PROUD.

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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to change the things I can.

Right now there are some positive steps… Shutting down the laptop and putting some clothes and making a coffee. And then simply not going to a N,A meeting this morning. Shame really, was one of my more favourite meetings.

Sorry Bill W. You don’t get my ten cents this fine Sunday morning.

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