Not long until ninety days now. I wonder what colour key ring I get this time? Boring. Who the hell cares? I decided to give up taking drugs, and I have. Easy enough… Well, if you consider that going quite mad, losing any access to your daughter and considering suicide to be easy.
I am now qualified to write a book on my drug days. I might call it something silly like “syringes”.
It will tell heaps of voyeuristic stories about me, my girlfriends and the local police. It will explain how Tony Quale , now a real estate agent / inspector, planted drug evidence during a police raid. This will then make my book a best seller as he will sue me to shut the book down, making sure that I sell many more thousands of copies than the book would actually warrant in the first place. Cheers Tony. I could even mention Paul Berry, this would then start selling copies internationally.
But seriously, I could do this. You don’t need a qualification in anything. You just need to be able to remember some old “war stories” from the daze of being wasted. Not complicated.
Some of the stories would be interesting. Some may even have a point. You may even turn some into “fables”.
So, the whole recovery industry thing is driving me up the wall. People are writing hardly interesting crap and selling it all over the world. It seems anyone who had a habit on anything more serious than buying shoes every weekend is writing books about how they tamed the dragon. Most of these have no real insights. Most are actually hardly interesting. Maybe a new angle is called for?
Maybe I could collate a bunch of stories from around the world and compile them into the global druggies dairy? Or similar.
TELL YOU WHAT I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO DO
Compile some good information on attachment, attunement, being part of a community, keeping your kids and not letting them become slaves to their peers. About keeping communities functioning.
This is prevention.
MY BOOK WOULD THEREFORE, POSSIBLY, SAVE ONE SINGLE PERSON FROM BECOMING AN ADDICT.
Everyone elses simply glorify addiction and encourage more to join the ranks of the ever increasing “recovering addict”.
Remember – For every recovering addict there are probably ten whom stay addicted until death.
But when you are dead you actually cannot write a book. And all those people whom are now entirely drug fucked will not be writing books either.
It is the lucky ones such as myself whom will write the books.
I have said it for a long time – the western, capitalist society is stuffed and is to blame for so much. The whole idea of a nuclear family is just wrong. It goes against everything everyone has ever learnt about humans and our needs for socialisation and feeling well within community structure.
We need to get back to a more Maori way of doing things. I don’t mean talking like a L.A gangstar bro… I mean living as a group. Rather than as competing individuals. And that will lead to me re-designing a proper social housing system. Nothing at all like a gulag.
I will include stories about being stabbed, police chases, serious serious fights, over dosing, choking on your own vomit whilst very much awake… Hell, I once even smelt burning bacon and someone else had to tell me that I had just burnt my fingers and thigh so badly I needed hospital treatment. I was sitting watching TV talking about politics and had not noticed.
These stories are included at random intervals just to keep you, the good reader, from getting bored.
I even promise to use APA referencing.
Now, that is a book about addiction.
AM I A FOOD ADDICT?
Am I a Food Addict?
To find out, answer the following questions as honestly as you can.
- Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn’t?
Yes, all the time. Especially when I have not eaten for the last three days.
- Do you think about food or your weight constantly?
Yes, all the time. I want better food. My stock of food is bad. I have nothing worth eating, so eat crap like bread all the time.
- Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success?
Yes, all the time. I decide to stop eating bread. Then I get hungry. And I only have bread in the house.
- Do you binge and then “get rid of the binge” through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging?
Yes, if “purging” includes having constant bowel movements due to jumping off 70mg of methadone a day.
- Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people?
Yes. I am more of a pig in private.
- Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight?
Yes, actually they have. I was too damn skinny.
- Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)?
Yes. That’s what happens when you’re hungry. Constantly.
- Is your weight problem due to your “nibbling” all day long?
I don’t have a weight problem. Apart from around my stomach.
- Do you eat to escape from your feelings?
Of course I do. I told myself I wasn’t going to use heroin.
- Do you eat when you’re not hungry?
Yes. But only because I am bored.
- Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later?
Yes. I thought that was ADhD.
- Do you eat in secret?
I live alone. I always eat in secret.
- Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake?
Yes, Sometimes even by choice.
- Have you ever stolen other people’s food?
Only small childrens. It’s okay.
- Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have “enough”?
You would be a fool not to. If I didn’t hide food, I would eat the whole packet at once. And then, when you find it later, it’s like Christmas.
- Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight?
Yes. But without this my arms would atrophy.
- Do you obsessively calculate the calories you’ve burned against the calories you’ve eaten?
No. I obsessively calculate that my stomach is not fitting in my damn shirts.
- Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you’ve eaten?
Yes. Every time I see an advert for healthy stuff on TV and I look in the cupboard and see bread.
- Are you waiting for your life to begin “when you lose the weight”?
No, I am waiting for life to begin when I am allowed to be a father to my child. Until then, I will eat cheese on toast, baked beans on toast, sandwiches, peanut butter on toast and raw pasta.
- Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food?
Yes. But I am hopeless with all relationships. Food is well down the list.
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may be a food addict. You are not alone. FA offers hope through a real solution to food addiction.
Oh fuck off. Seriously. If you answered YES to ANY of the above questions you may be a food addict? What the fuck?
These people should *definitely not* be allowed to write a book.