Jesus, I was evil…

Well, I wasn’t. Neither was Darcy Clay. Not really.

About the evillest thing he ever did was commit suicide three weeks before he was due to headline at the Suicide Prevention & Awareness gig. That was pretty damn evil boyo. Committing suicide at your girlfriends place is probably not the nicest thing. He had a hit single with Jesus, I was Evil

Maybe the song should have been “Jesus, I will be silly….”

Sounds like a good kid though. Been dead fifteen years or more. People remember him more than they will remember me.

Some would call this thought of mine “Addict thinking“.

The term “addict thinking” is complete crap.

Sure, you think and act in certain ways when in active addiction. But to blame everything (and, boy, do I mean everything) on drugs is taking things too far. The problem with self control, restless legs, tempers… They all exist despite the drugs!

We would all like to be remembered one way or another. The guy at N.A who gives himself shit for always wanting more… I think, just quietly mate, that the whole western free market world is thinking like that. It is encouraged in us. The school system is busy saying things like “it is okay just to try, don’t worry about winning”, where as the real rich schools are still saying “win at all costs, if you don’t win, you’re out of here…”

This is where the gap between “us” and “them” starts to be created.

“It is okay just to try ,don’t worry about winning” is the way of the rich keeping a good, willing, working class downtrodden and happy with whatever scraps they throw us.

So, I am back to the point that DRUGS AREN’T THE PROBLEM. Everything else is.

When I was walking back from my sisters funeral with my daughter the other month I saw this sign in the video shop window. Spot on.

So, addiction, depression, cancer* and suicide are the winners.
(Oh, and good old NZ Punk music from the eighties, of course. Especially when they start re-releasing stuff and idiots like me buy it… Sticky Filth, Weep Woman Weep on blue vinyl. Yeah boi. )

More people commit suicide each year in New Zealand than die on our roads. The government spends millions and millions telling us not to drink and drive, yet this accounts for around two hundred deaths.

Atheism. It does not pay to pray. You will get laughed at. 

Go and make up a god… I did.




* I may be stretching things just a little when blaming cancer on the free market


formerly known as CADS (or some other meaningless shit) the Addict DisServices gave me a telephone call last week. I would like to say they were pro-active and “onto it”, but, more likely, they found out I have been arrested for impulsive random acts of intentional damage. If you can call kicking a wing mirror random. When the fat wanker aimed his car at you on purpose to give you a fright. The world sucks. True.

So, I have another round of psych’ prodding to be run through. That is fine. I could do with someone taking this ADhD thing seriously for once in my damn life. Meeting is at three pm. That is four hours from now.

And I already have this impending sense of doom enveloping me.

I am preparing for disappointment, rejection and humiliation. This is probably the wrong way to go into a meeting with someone whom could actually help. They may not pick up the right sort of signals if I switch off before walking in.



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