Day 98. A Sunday.

Today is Sunday September the Eighth, Two Thousand and Thirteen A.D. It is 7:01 p.m. This makes it 98 days since some idiot jumped off >60mg of methadone a day and has not worked a day since, nor made any cash / income. TV3 has a movie called “RIO” just starting, which I am damn sure my daughter would love watching. I am changing channel. Now watching “Storage Wars” on Prime, before Top Gear UK at 7:30. 

Guess I will type some crap into this blog thing for a while and see what happens.

On the way from waking up towards going to sleep, diversions got put in the way. Things like realising I had only $10, no coffee, food or milk. Things like going to an N.A meeting later in the afternoon. Was a good meeting actually, good mix of people. Local indigenous types, male, female and gay guys. Heavily tattoo’d, medium tattoo’d, no tattoo’d. Black, white, middle class, lower class. Amazing how each of the ten people could fall into two or three of each of these categories.

The reading for today is all about REBELLING. 

Give me a minute, I have a copy of the daily reading book somewhere here. Have not  looked at my own copy for a while… Uhm… Shit. Found it behind the computer monitor. It is now 7:07. The book was open on August 27. That is about a fortnight ago. Oops.

It was a really good meeting actually… I said some of my usual shit, that is not really intended to wind people up, but may just do so.

Bill Wilson

Bill W of the Oxford Group religious movement and friends with Rockefeller, Firestone and other interesting families.

I fell firmly on the side of “rebellion being okay.” Which, I don’t think is quite what N.A leaders (Oxford Group via BIll W.) had in mind. I argued, quite well, that Jesus was the biggest rebel and rebellion leader, followed closely by Saint Paul.

The worlds biggest rebel of all time was Jesus… And more people have heard of him than any of us lot. Sure, something may change that in the near future, but in the meantime if you believe in something, and it is worth the consequence, then I fully support being rebellious. 

It’s the impulsivivity I have issues with…

Polite laughter.

Part of the reading goes like this ;

Many of us have lived our entire lives in revolt. Automatic rejection of authority seems to be a troubling character defect for many addicts.

Guilty, as charged your honour.

But then I came up with another brain wave or two…

What came first? The rebel or the addict?

I, personally, have started thinking more along the lines of heroin addiction (in particular) as being part of a rebelliousness. Part of a “fitting in” with a group of rebels. You can shock, awe and ignore society taboo’s in equal measure, as you see fit, when you’re wasted all the time. So, although the reading is completely fair (as is most N.A or A.A stuff as long as you put your “recovery” first and forget things like “addiction being a disease”.!!) you can take bits and pieces and have an interesting time discussing them with N.A members who have been “in the rooms” for decades.

Wink.

So, you have emotional pain, rebelling, disassociation… And then you have drugs.

Which is why I think you have to be able to distinguish between someone who is self medicating (in whatever type – usually for undiagnosed conditions I would suggest) and someone whom is in the throws of a true, problematic addiction.

And, is there a difference?

If the problematic drug addict was given proper medication at a level that kept them stable, then let them continue. Sans problematic diagnosis.

I see a lot of mental health patients whom are function less well on their prescribed meds… Some of them would be better off being junkies than taking their psych med’s. Yet the government can force them to take their psych meds.

I wish the government forced me to take Double UO Globe China White three times daily.

And that was my Sunday.

Am amazed how long it takes me to write some of these posts. I have ten browser windows open and just finished playing some silly game.

But… There is now food in my stomach, a bag of coffee on the bench and some milk in the fridge. Happy Sunday to you.

For whole daily readings, CLICK HERE

September 08, 2013

Rebellion

Page 262
We need not lose faith when we become rebellious.
Basic Text, p.35
Many of us have lived our entire lives in revolt. Our initial response to any type of direction is often negative. Automatic rejection of authority seems to be a troubling character defect for many addicts.A thorough self-examination can show us how we react to the world around us. We can ask ourselves if our rebellion against people, places, and institutions is justified. If we keep writing long enough, we can usually get past what others did and uncover our own part in our affairs. We find that what others did to us was not as important as how we responded to the situations we found ourselves in.Regular inventory allows us to examine the patterns in our reactions to life and see if we are prone to chronic rebelliousness. Sometimes we will find that, while we may usually go along with what is suggested to us rather than risk rejection, we secretly harbor resentments against authority. If left to themselves, these resentments can lead us away from our program of recovery.The inventory process allows us to uncover, evaluate, and alter our rebellious patterns. We can’t change the world by taking an inventory, but we can change the way we react to it.
Just for Today: I want freedom from the turmoil of rebelliousness. Before I act, I will inventory myself and think about my true values.
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