I want it all, and I want it now.

Never being one for Christian thought, nor Jewish scripture, I am, however, open to allowing others do their thing in this regard. There is wisdom in passages and writing. I like the Koran too. In some aspects, utter brilliance. Scientology even… Very clever, apart from the atom bomb thing in the beginning….

Stop dividing countries and people up on geographic lines and allow them to congregate on spiritual belief systems. Just saying….

You should not need a bloody big book of bullshit. You should be able to sit down, with yourself, and genuinely be comfortable with the conversation. Genuine, one hundred percent, no bullshit. Serenity with self even.

If you *honestly* like going to the mental health ward meeting with N.A victims and *honestly* see the good, the potential… See other humans. For what they are. See you for who you are.

The best thing I can suggest to anyone, including myself,  is being honest. To yourself. To everyone really.

I guess my old saying – I am just me. And that ain’t all bad – needs its own t-shirt.

No one knows me like I do. When others throw their will, their ideals and their rules on me, it is easy to rebel.

Go with the flow. It is easier, after all. 

But loving oneself? That is hard work for someone whom doesn’t really think much of themselves.

Allowing yourself to succeed at something when failure and excuse is much easier. All the ideas in the world, but never the time. Or maybe the money. Or the people to help.

That is no excuse. 

Strong willed, director type personalities, need a little bit of rebel now and then. You may go down in a blaze of unremitting apathy. Centuries from now that may have created a social change.

The latest thinking on dealing with addictions and the like appears to be leaning towards all encompassing spiritual self interest.   By fulling the requirements of self, the others may matter.

Again, this is my muddled thinking processes in action here. 

If it makes no sense, ring up some people from N.A. They will tell  you I am in the middle of “addict brain”, “addictive thinking” or that I am “thinking too much and am not ready for the next step”.

But really, N.A is good. If people would actually shut up about “the programme” and just do the bloody programme! And really, *honestly* live the programme…. Sigh.
Not going to  happen. As soon as you get out a meeting you wouldn’t give the “still suffering addict” the time of day in the street. People who don’t wear Solomon branded shoes get ignored. The homeless get trodden on as you run late for your train to get to the next meeting….

Personally, me. I care too much sometimes. I identify with people in bad, downtrodden or disadvantaged positions. I hate having no power over my own life. I take illegal steps to balance this a little. Lately I have been quite good. Just a few little things here and there like a fly in the ointment. My self destruct mechanism appears to failing with old age.

I want social change. I want a kid. I want to design things. I want some happiness.

I want to do it all.

And I want to do it now.

But you know what? I really have enough to do already. Courts, police, custody issues, health. And it just took three months to clean my living room. Later I may start on the car.

I may find some serenity. After cleaning the car.


Say something, we want to know...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s