Give up drugs, it’s the right thing to do

Although, just why, exactly, that is considered the right thing is open for debate.

Since giving up drugs I had a bad weekend going through withdrawals and although I tried to manage it, my Daughter got upset. Which is fair enough.

They then take all contact between my daughter and me away.

Three months later they are blaming me for her hitting her sister and a whole bunch of crap. Which is over the top considering I only ever saw her one weekend a fortnight for last three years and before that only a couple of hours on a saturday for seven years. And then I get lawyer paperwork saying my daughter does not want to see me ever again. She uses sentences and constructs like “Dad is too negative and never positive”. Pardon me? I have never heard my nine year old girl use such verbalisation to convey her feeling. Where the hell is this coming from? It sure isn’t her own exact thoughts, even though the lawyer, ANNETTE GRAY, made sure that “I made it clear to [NZFiends Daughter] that it was important to discuss her feelings and no one elses”.

My daughter would say this to keep the piece at home. She spends all her time with her Mum, her sisters and their family. So why would she say anything that creates stress in that environment?

She gets interrogated after each visit with me. Her mum always makes it hard for me to do things. My daughter has heard her Mum yelling and swearing and threatening me on many occasions.

The fact that the court claims my daughter is now more relaxed and more like her old self says many things… One is that “her old self” was fine. And that was whilst she was seeing me every second weekend also. The other thing is that NOW THAT HER MUM IS NOT BEING A STRESSED OUT NEUROTIC FREAK every time I ring up, my daughter no longer has the stress and complication of saying the right thing around home.

I feel like a cross between all sorts of emotions at once. Tense, tingly, full of energy. Thankfully I managed to pull my shoes off last night before leaving the house. I didn’t even trust myself to walk to the shop for milk. Put my boots back on a couple of times and had to talk myself down. Ended up taking one of those shitty sleeping tablet things, Zopiclone. Very glad I did actually.

So. I am turning fourty in a month or two. Nice birthday this will be. Mind you, have never expected anything worthwhile. Even when I had some friends.

Fourty. Had kid taken away after spending ten years sitting around in Wellington doing fuck all with my life just so I could see her.

And now I have a shitty car, no life and money. Pretty much thrown a decade away on that kid. And then Gilmour and Family Court go and do this.

Is it  surprising when ex-partners go and shoot or machete their ex’s? The newspapers only report “how terrible, a guy went and killed his ex. Lock him up and throw away the key.”

What they don’t seem to understand is that the best hearted guys in the world are being fucked over by these psychopathic self centred lying families who just get a kick out of kicking you when you’re down.

You should she the smug look on David Gilmours face when he lies point blank in the family court. He is the person whom told me “I shall personally see to it that you’re never a father to this child” before my daughter was even born.

Why is that Dave? Because I saved your daughter from being a P whore and got her pregnant and then was amazing enough to hang around and care for the stupid bitch whilst she was pregnant?

Even her mother (whom left you with the kids when they were six years old, didn’t she Dave?) complimented me and said “I am amazed you managed to hang in there, NZFiend. You have been incredible throughout this pregnancy, we know what Becky is like….” Her Mum, is dead now. But she never once appeared in court or wrote out pages of bullshit like David Gilmour does whenever he can.

And his smug little face when he does so.

He is the least threatening person on the planet. Short, etc etc etc. But he has a real road rage issue and a real short fuse when people disagree with him on anything from light spectrum analysis through to his daughter being a crack ho. You have to laugh when this little wannabe high class gnome comes to court wearing his tough leather jacket and black jeans. Hahahaahha. Yeah Dave, you’re a gangster now. But you’re due back at university in a minute. Better remember to take your “Sons on Anarchy” patch off. hahahahahaha

I did the best thing in the world for his daughter – better than he ever did. I got her pretty much off the drugs and onto being a parent. No doubt he would have liked to, but that is taking the gene pool of the family a little too close to heart for comfort.

Her brother however, probably doesn’t have such high morals. And is the reason for a lot of her issues with… Well…. Stuff…

David Gilmour is a 100% self serving asshole. When I asked to borrow a tool to make a cot for our (as yet unborn daughter) he said “ohhh yes, that is a great idea” and then went out and purchased a brand new $800 cot the next day and proudly presented it to my partner, the pregnant mother of my baby. As he did so he looked at me with a triumphant look.

At court he sits outside and says things like “Aleahs doing well without you around. I am her father now. Piss off”

And then the court thinks I am angry, when I walk in showing viable signs of being upset.

So, really. I should have just stayed on the drugs. I could still be seeing my daughter and getting on with a sort of a life. Have not been using drugs for three and half months and life has got worse. A lot worse.

But, on the positive side… When I feel like this I pretty much stop eating. I had some weetbix before getting the news of daughters back stabbing yesterday at this time. Since then I have consumed two pieces of cheese on toast. This will turn me into a model. Or maybe two pieces of cheese on toast in twenty four hours is a bit much. I will look at consuming less today.


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