If you can’t laugh at yourself….

I say “if you can’t laugh at yourself….”

“Call me, and I will laugh at you for you….” The Tattooist finishes my sentence 

Good man.

NZFIENDS new diet

Am forcing myself to have breakfast. It is an effort. Although, now I have eaten one poached egg on toast I feel like another. Ate a bit of dry toast (whole grain) instead. Finishing cold coffee. Hoping Americas Cup yachting is on the telly. But the idiots on the idiot box are showing idiotic replays of other races. What the f ck? Yachting is bad enough the first time.

So, here is my new diet regime for you all to follow. Guarantee you a happy, healthy and fulfilled existence on this planet for the rest of your years if you follow this simple plan… Look at me. I’m as happy and as healthy as can be.


  • One white bread sandwich (lettuce, tomato, egg and chicken)
  • Five cafe style coffee (no sugar, usually soy milk “small” flat whites
  • Three instant coffees (no sugar, splash of milk, three or four teaspoons of coffee
  • Three glasses of water with fresh lemon squeezed in
  • One “V” brand zero sugar fizzy drink (equal to a strong coffee in caffeine)


  • 150gm salami in one grain sandwich (rest consumed just by biting into the roll)
  • One $1 bag of lollies
  • One small cold baked potato
  • One small fish fillet
  • Usual coffee and water

Day before;

  • Egg on toast
  • Four rice crackers (two with hummus)
  • One slice grain bread
  • Can of tuna in springwater
  • Usual coffee and water intake

Day before that ;

  • Two weetbix
  • Two cheese on toast (whole grain bread)
  • Three cafe style milky coffees made with soy
  • Usual water intake


Why, yes. I think I did.

And it makes me smile every time I see it. Highly recommend it.

Shit tattoo’s, caffeine and going to car wreckers yards.

My answer to life, the universe and everything.


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