Wow. Addiction. My favourite.
People were complaining (inquiring?) about swapping addictions after an N.A meeting last night.
It is a good meeting Saturday nights at the Church in Newtown. It is not lost on me how N.A is a “non religious, spiritual programme” yet all the meetings are in churches. Indoctrinator Bill W. much?
People who have done the twelve steps all laughed when I originally said many months ago that I was an extreme sports addict (adrenaline junky) and that I was off to a “Adrenaline Anon” meeting after the N.A one. The thing is, I was kind of serious. Cross addiction is a real problem.
I was at diner with eight or nine other self confessed addicts last night. One is like me. He is a year clean and has not done a single step of the “programme” nor does he have a sponsor. But he does go to two meetings a week. He was the only guy who did not laugh and think I was nuts when I said the following….
This is what I said. I stretch the truth slightly, with narrators license, during the course of my diatribe….
“I know this sounds odd, but you can be addicted to anything. Even thinking about addiction can be an addiction. Three or four of you here are addicted to N.A meetings. And I mean addicted as in a problematic addiction, not just a “healthy obsession.”
“You can be addicted to anything. I know a guy* whom is addicted to buying classical music.”
They laugh, snicker, or hoighty toighty guffaw at this. Other than the guy sitting next to me who does not do step work either. He is big and tough and a mans man, if you follow my meaning. He is young, but street smart.
One young lady (whom is actually 38) laughs loudly and says “but that can’t be an addiction”
“Ahhh, yeah. I suppose that sticking smack in your arm is more commonly held up as an addiction by society, but this guy displays all the problems of a hard core addict. He lies, he sneaks the plastic bag with record shop logos past his wife. He spends time and money he shouldn’t. He is late for professional meetings. He has to park a block or two away and sneak into the shop. And at the end of the day, he and his family, his professional friends and his clients are suffering because he cannot walk past a classical music shop without stopping to buy music.“
The one big tough young fella grins slightly, but I can tell it is from empathy with this guy “I know”. The others all look at me as though I am insane, but one or two slowly think about it and smiles fade somewhat.
“The reward feelings and happiness we get from drug use may be covering for our bad feelings. I am not going to condemn someone for filling their void with classical music. Read your working the steps guides and tell me how this differs from your “drug of choice”…”
The conversion pauses, some really strange looking guys walk past and me and tough guy crack up. Everyone goes all paranoid like we are laughing at them. We try explaining awkwardly what we saw.
People change the subject.
Another lady asks this older guy what the difference is between obsession and compulsion. I interrupt with “not a fuck of a lot“.
The guy starts “uhming” and “ahhing” and starts saying some shit. He has an audience of three women. He is in his element. He is now guru. He talks for five minutes on his idea of the difference between the two. I continue chatting about tattoo’s, cars, hospital visits and the likes with my neighbour. We are enjoying ourselves actually. LIKE REAL MATES WOULD even. Kind of. Slightly. Maybe.
Lesson one – I should not interrupt. I blame it on ADhD. … … 😉
Lesson two – When I do interrupt, have a think about what it is you are trying to say. Don’t just argue with me for the sake of it. I am interrupting usually with a good foundation.
“Obsession is an unhealthy compulsion to do something” interrupts me. They nod.
“Compulsion is an irrational need to do something” says me.
“Addiction is not far removed. How many addicts are OCD?” says me.
Mr Guru guy looks like some noodles are caught on his adams apple as some of us stand and leave. N.A is full of people like this. They tell the same story week after week about how they did this, or that. At least my little stories are different every time. And lively. Sometimes even funny and uplifting. Sometimes violent and dark. Usually they even have some sort of a point. If you think about it.
But boringly similar?
Boring. Why bother?
The guy with the classical music addiction should come along to a meeting and explain himself.
! THAT WOULD BE WORTH PUTTING ON YOU TUBE !
* I don’t “know a guy” –
I actually “know of a guy” whom I have communicated with about the state of my worn out trousers from Laughing Ass Off, but little else of value
12 STEPS OF;
HOW TO MAKE A COOL SNOWBOARDING / SKATING / SKIING / MOUNTAIN BIKING VIDEO
- Borrow, steal or otherwise get sponsored (Mum and Dad anyone?) a couple of Go-Pro’s, or even better Sony 3D cameras – Like this stunning innovation from Sony.
Just click on the picture of the Sony Digital Recording Binoculars (Model number: DEV-50V/B) for more information about the Sony range. This blog does not endorse Sony or any of its affiliates. But, so saying, if you were to buy a device of any sort, Sony should be your first choice. Think. Imagine. Sony.
- It is very important to have some sort of pseudo, “make believe” even works, sponsorship arrangement. You put logos everywhere you can. Product placements everywhere. Make sure to wear all the “sponsors” stuff and ride only their equipment. It doesn’t matter if your sponsorship deal is make believe or not, just be seen having all the same stuff and you’re halfway to a real extreme sports video.
- If this is your first, second, or third video, chances are you will be broke (and probably a stoner). Therefore you will need a string of places to stay around the countryside of your choice to suit filming potential. You will, of course, be friends with a couple of more professional people whom you may manipulate into giving some of their time. Remember they were just like you once, and do not want to really help you out. They are worried that their “cutting edge” style will be overtaken or made redundant by yours. They need not worry. Your video will be crap.
- If you do not have one “star” rider with you, maybe go and source one. Try the internet. It is full of extreme people with nothing to do other than jump on a plane to your country and hang out saying shit like “I like, totally, broke my fibula right now dude.”
- You will film many countless hours of boring riding before realising the best films have a story. You then go and find some local fourteen years old kids who drop the sickest lines and piss off the overseas “professional” by out performing him. He then breaks his leg and says “I, like, totally broke my fibula right now dude” whilst waving Sony, Volkl and Adidas flags and sipping on oversize Red Bull cans in slow motion during the wait for the rescue team to arrive. The rescue team is a bunch of old sheep farmers from Gore, but you can edit them out and replace with some fully hectic sick helicopter footage stolen from You Tube later.
- The grommets (grom’s, young people) will “steal the show” with their fully sick hektik lines and new skool tricks. Meanwhile you will film some shit like getting caught in a flock of sheep whilst en route to next film location and when your car overheats you film some idiot taking the filler cap off and creating a geezer of scalding hot water. (you are broke, so the $400 car you purchased for the 2000km journey is bound to go “pop” at some point – Just make sure never to pack your Sony equipment too far from someone not too stoned to use it). You will then put in a Jackass sounding guy to say something dumb like “that water looks hot dude” as the footage clearly shows blisters and skin peeling.
- After a month or two of couch surfing, side of the road camping, shoplifting food and finding school kids to score drugs from, you will have enough footage on your memory sticks for a short badass extreme sports movie. Really only thirty seconds are any good, so plan to put this in around two thirds of the way through the edited movie. Then find yourself some beer and sit around talking shit into microphones and putting together a story of the mission.
- Find a good, catchy title. “Red Bull sponsored guys jump off shit wearing Nike Eyewear” may sound good at first, but something slightly more imaginative may work too. Years ago we did a “Series of Sessions“. The first in the world, 1998. This, in no way, had connotations of drug use. Honestly. It was all about Skiing. Promise.
- You will end the movie with some sort of a crap fable. Like, you start the movie at the airport, holding a sign, saying “[sponsor name] [athlete name]” and you are wearing a tuxedo like a limo driver. The sponsored athlete appears, grins his world renown corporate pleasing pearly white smile, and says some cheesy line about “not having time to stay and chat, there’s powder to ride dude…” and running out the airport. You hold open the door to your old Datsun 120y with four mismatched wheels and ditch the tuxedo. You all laugh like this is the best shit since you first discovered shooting crystal meth’ and fade out to the next scene (which is him breaking his perfectly toned and shaved sponsored leg as it happens). So, you end the movie with something like “even the most professional and hardcore atheletes couldn’t handle the awesomeness of the terrain and just had to hand over the new freeriding crown to the younger generation… It pays to use less than thirty seconds of any one music track to avoid royalty payments, and also to have the latest music trend going no matter what. Just slow the footage down to match the bass or drum rhythm. Why do you think Lord of The Rings and the Hobbit are so fucken long? Peter Jackson got symphony orchestras to write the score. No other reason. He then had to extend the bloody movies to suit the damn six hours of violins as some short shithead climbs a mountain.
- If you take a lot of shots of mountains, lakes, rivers and greenery you can then approach Tourism New Zealand and claim that many millions of people will see your film. Especially if you pretend it is a competition. You could call it “World Heli Challenge” and fake some events, where people are given random scores based on dice, wheels and how pretty their pearly whites are. Then you have the possibility of getting the film onto the “sports” channels, rather than the “stoned party animal” channels it should be confined to.
- Get a cute girl to appear in movie. Take some photos of her, and put her on the back cover of the DVD release. She is not really in the movie at all, but will generate more interest and sales than some silly sepo (American loud mouth) breaking his leg. In this day and age of equality, you would be politically incorrect NOT to have a chick dressed in nothing on the cover. It is her RIGHT to do this. She will NOT be repressed into wearing clothes. Step 11 alternative – Take a close up photo of someone (prefer blonde) wearing reflective glasses / goggles that show a scene of mountain or terrain park to suit your video productions subject.
- You can only progress by carrying the message to others. Therefore decent marketing is definitely more essential than having a half decent video production. Any idiot with a Pentium III, Windows 98 and a pirated copy of Adobe creative suite can make a short extreme sports flick. Hell, one time we even used footage of me throwing computer parts out the window and smashing them with an axe… Red Bull even gave a few cans of tuarine infested sugar water for the effort. You, too, could be a star. For three seconds.
Well, NZFiend, you are an idiot.