What the hell are you doing NZFIEND?

Thanks for asking Mike, I am all excited like. Like a kid at Christmas. Like a dog with a bone. Like Kara Vandereyk with a pit bull. Well, maybe not like Kara Vandereyk with a pit bull Mike. But I am excited. 

Okay, NZFIEND, mate. Calm the farm. What is causing this, uhm, “excitement like Kara Vandereyk with a pit bull?”

My phone rang.

Is that it? You really have no friends…….

No, that is not it. Cheeky sod you are Mike. The phone rang but I missed the call as my amp’ has caught fire and I have to listen to music with headphones now… So I rang back the number, as for once it was not an “unlisted” number. I hate “unlisted numbers”. They are all from courts, lawyers or debt collection agencies Mike.

I wouldn’t know, the only unlisted calls I get are from Libyan insurgents wanting to get on TV. I am the man you know NZFIEND…

You are the man Mike, no argument there old fella. Did I tell you about the time I was sitting in a Queenstown bar high as a kite, drinking like a fish, wasted as a warthog?

Is this going to take long?

You can edit it out later.

This is a live interview.

No, it’s not going to take long then.  I was sitting in a Queenstown bar high as a kite, drinking like a fish, wasted as a warthog and talking with this guy with a real deep voice and a good suit. After two or three hours of general abuse and banter (and the odd trip to powder our noses, wink wink, nudge nudge) I say to this guy… I say “hey mate, you have a good voice, you should be on the news….” He says “Really? Interesting you should say that…” The bartender (who used to loan me his full plush leather Mercedes… That’s another story. Sorry, this is live right?)


Yeah. Okay. So, I says  “hey mate, you have a good voice, you should be on the news….”, I says. The bartender looks up, somewhat bemused. Turns out I have done it again. I have been at the bar talking to famous people, winding them up, telling them shit stories about life, computers and having warts… The guy used to work with you on the news Mike. Sorry, cannot mention names, of course. But I think he ended up getting asked to leave soon after as he started clocking up some serious drug convictions. Nothing to do with me, the bar, nor Queenstown.

Oh My God.

Sorry. Uhm. Yeah. So, the bar owner ended up in jail for a long while for something to do with drugs too actually.

Oh my Fucken God.

Sorry, you’re right. This is going out live right?

Dude, you are ruining my career here….

Okay. I am excited Mike. I am excited because I rang this number back. It is in Auckland. Which is twelve hours on the bus, 8 by my car or one hour on the plane.

Why would you have to go to Auckland…?

It was the HEP C drug trial people. They have seen that I may fit the criteria for a new round of drug trials for the HEP C cure they are working on. The only problem – I have to go to Auckland quite a lot during the trial period. Once a week for eight weeks and then another four or five times over the next months….

This is an expensive business. 

I should have saved some money for travel after all. An overseas holiday? A working trip around Europe? A big OE adventure to rival all biggest OE adventures? Not for me Mike.  My big travelling adventure is to travel the same route a dozen times in a few months to spend an hour in an office being poked and prodded.

Just hope I can fit it in around all the court appearances. 

This is my car engine, built from second hand parts by my good self.
It costs about $450 to get from Wellington to Auckland and back.
No doubt I could get this down to $250 by doing it in nine or ten hours, not six.

The above post no way endorses, condones or advises of any real event.
We all know damn well that the film, television and music industries DO NOT have a culture of drug use.
Especially not in little old New Zealand.

Random picture of totally unrelated person….

Hey, I know that guy.

Damn sure you do Mike, damn sure you do…


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