Met this girl… And she is a bit of a mess. Dangerous sort of character for me to hang out with really. “It” (whatever “it” is) has “wrong” written all over it. I give her a lift home with her food from the food bank in Newtown as I hear her asking people (me) for $2 bus. I go to drop her off, with a little voice in the back of my head saying “omg, run now… Run whilst you can“…. But her voice (which is actually real) says “hey – do you have ADhD?“
I ask her how to spell ADhD. She looks a little confused, then runs with it.
“Capital A, Capital D, small h, Capital D” she says.
“NO SHIT” says me.
“No shit. I spell it like that because….“
“because you’re Attention Deficit Disorder with a little hyperactivity thrown in just to keep people on their toes” I finish the sentence for her.
“Uhm, yeah. And…“
“you’ve been in and out of jail, dislike authority, keep getting into trouble and have been recently, some would say FINALLY, diagnosed with ADhD and are getting some med’s and help?” I suggest.
“Uhm, yeah. Exactly. But I was going to say a bunch of other stuff… Something about… Ah shit. Whatever…“
“I do that all the time too….”
“Finish people sentences for them and interrupt…“
“Well, yeah, but I meant I was going to say a bunch of stuff and forget…“
“… but then, at other times, you are so focused on something that nothing else matters. And some idiots think you don’t have ADhD as you can stay focused on things you like…..“
“as you become ‘hyper focused’ and cannot pay attention to anything other than one little task. This has been called being a director…..“
“…. a director personality type……“
“…. but for years and years I thought, and ‘they’ thought…..“
“…. they thought you were anxious, depressed or manic…….“
STOP THE BUS. I want to get off. This chick is either a complete mind reader, or I am reading her mind (or, even more scarily, BOTH) or my first thought of “run, quickly, whilst you still can” is becoming more valid with every single sentence we utter in each others general direction.
Uhm. Holy shit.
A completely dysfunctional relationship made out of two “recovering” addicts at Narcotics Anonymouse would stand a much better chance of success than this!
Meanwhile, back to my somewhat debatable re-enactment of reality…
“….You have had many short relationships, and only a few lasting more than a year or two. You have trouble seeing your child because of perceived drug and impulsivity issues…….“
“I am in family court right now trying to see my daughter again actually… How old are you?” says me, interrupting rudely, but figuring she would understand.
“What? Oh, I am twenty nine.“
“And you have a two or three year old you can’t see and you run off the rail and went to jail…..“
“… uhm… Yeah… Uhm……“
“And you are, or have been, using drugs since mid teens, opiates, crystal meth….“
“Of course, sorry…I agree. At least you have a head start on me…”
“What do you mean ‘at least I have a head start?“
“I mean I am almost fourty. And I am only just working all this out now. You have a ten year head start on me.“
“You feel like you have wasted your whole life and have completed nothing properly…“
“Yes, that is off the first page of ‘ADhD diagnosis for dummies’….“
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahhahahaahahahahhaha, we laugh.
And you know what? I feel for her. She is living three flats across and two down from where I used to live in the top of a Council block in a quieter part of town. Her place has all the basics, but none of the stuff to fill your days creatively. No internet, computer, art equipment. She is broke and only out of jail a few months and seems to have been selling some drugs to make ends meet. She is trying to get on her feet, but wants it all, and wants it now. She has recently stopped seeing all her friends as they were all just using drugs all the time.
I am picking her up and taking her to an N.A meeting tonight. Go figure.
I cannot have a relationship in any way, shape, nor form, with a chick in N.A. No way. Fuck that. She will never be home at the time she said to pick her up anyway. I know this. I will go there anywhere, just in case. But she won’t be there.
I go to the tattoo shop to clean up his first step.
I say “you wouldn’t believe it mate, but just met this chick…“
He says he knows her, and she is “mad as a meat axe…“
I say “I was annoying her more than she was annoying me mate. I think those med’s might be worthwhile trying…..“
He actually does have a step that needs cleaning and tidying. I have been painting, cleaning, tidying and making the entrance to the shoppe actually work properly. This is my “first step” work.
We laugh at that little joke amongst ourselves.
I tried working on some of the second step yesterday. He was very reluctant. I guess this means I have not completed the first step.