N.A. Not for everyone…

Narcotics AnoneMouse, not entirely for everyone…

A life in limbo. Putting little pressure on self to change that. Pressure would hurt. After all –  It’s about progress, not perfection. So there. Turn the pressure down.

Limbo. A term. I would have used disassociation. Bruce K Alexander uses dislocation.  

Limbo. Neither in nor out. Just cruising. No pressure. In the free market it would be Too Damn Lazy.

I am currently a poorly performing economic unit (homo sapien). And am bored.

There are holes to fill. Large ones.

When deciding to give up opiates and crap in May last year it dawned on me that socialisation and real life human interactions were important.

It dawned on me since that life time is spent with a majority of self time. Selfish time for most. But not for me. Straight up.

Self time for me was always creative and productive. Blame it on the ADHD baby. Yeah.

The old junky mate in Newtown whom has coffee every morning is a similar space filler. Routines are good human tools, but being able to break out of them is good for the mental wellbeing.

Narcotics Anonymouse. Well. You see the same people, similar stories. Is a good reminder of why you should not spend a whole life on drugs. Equally though, I am attracted to the slightly more off the wall characters. The old jail bird, the tattoo guy, the old hard core dealers, the gang members, the old prostitutes, the old street kids… The research and professional health workers.

The straight relatively boring people hold little in interest. I will help make a bike track and work as hard as my back allows. But during breaks feel as though fitting in is too complicated. They talk about stuff that holds no interest. I am back building the track before any of them.

Have not been to a proper N.A meeting since someone admitted relapsing. Someone whom is a good friend really. Christmas was a time of relapses for a number. It pains me to see these people losing all their “clean time” and carrying on. They say it makes them stronger.

Wouldn’t NOT USING make you stronger?!

When three N.A find out I am on Ritalin and say things like “are you shooting it? I would be…” it starts to confuse my own thought processes. And then people look at my arms after a trip to Auckland… And, hell, I may as well be injecting drugs…

All I’ve really done socially for almost quarter of a century is chase, deal, consume illicit substances. Junkies, thieves, losers… But some really good laughs. Some complicated relationships. Somewhat of a life less ordinary.

Ordinary life in this free market capitalist system?

Routine. Go and have a coffee at the old rock stars cafe.

But the old rock star has not been getting enough royalties  or cash through the till.

The coffee shoppe has shut. The routine is broken.

My old junky mate was down in the mouth. His routine is changing.

I am down in the mouth. I have no routine. I am bored but don’t feel like starting anything.

Limbo… No easy place.


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