Valentines Doornail’s

valentines

Valentines Today

Hmmmph. Valentines. Spent years in love with opiates.  And that is all there is to say about that.

“Door Nails” NOFX

These two shots are for Derrick 
For rifle not the handgun 
For coffee and cigarettes 
Give it back 
You know suicide isn’t painless 
When you leave everyone in pain 
The two shots will never go down the same 

This beating’s for Jimmy 
For ultimate devotion 
For your mind of my own 
Bring out your dead 
Sedated, flagellated 
You were the one most 
Loved and hated 
Thanks for all that carpet 
And your songs 

This Patrón’s for Jason 
This lager’s for Andy 
And these doses are for Bomer 
And this fix is for Bradley 
This ritalin’s for Lumpy 
And this speedball’s for Friday 
This nitrous hit is for Lynn 
And best friend Dobbs

This bowl is for my mom 
For drinking more than I did 
For posting bail for me 
In New York 
And in Hollywood that first time 
And that joint we smoked was the worst time 
Cause doing drugs with parents is just wrong 

This Patrón’s for Jason 
This lager’s for Andy 
And these doses are for Bomer 
And this fix is for Bradley
This song is for winning losers 
It’s for unlucky substance abusers 
The ones who left their black marks 
On us all

And, well. You can look up all the names if you want. Bradley is the main man from Sublime, as an example….

Went to an N.A meeting last night. First one in over three weeks. Was shit. Rode bike listening to loud punk. Got there stuffed. Rode bike up a bloody big hill up behind Victoria University, probably a bit too quick. Blame the music. Blame the ADHD. Blame the fact I felt okay.  Have a look at this…  Was a bit out of breath. Had trouble calming down for first twenty minutes. Small meeting, so was always going to be asked to share. Said some crap about only being to three meetings this year so far and am not claiming any more clean  time. “You guys can keep your bloody key-tags” may have slipped out… Can’t be bothered. People “relapse” and come back and go and use some more, and come back. One guy has been coming to N.A since he was a kid, but still only has nine months clean time. Fucken what? Preaching to me about “working the steps” and all this shit when you’ve been coming here for twenty years and only have a 9 month clean time and live in a housing corp house just like mine, don’t own a car, are lazy as all fuck, and selfish with it? Fuck off. Had enough.

Move on. Give me a life. Someone. Anyone?

Oh bugger. You mean I have to find a life myself? Shit on it.

How about this then? Joint counselling with the mother of my daughter today. Went well. Is good. But now I have to clean up her room and turn it into a little girls room in 24 hours before she shows up for the weekend. AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGG. Help. Needed. Stat.

Nurse, pump up the valium. SOS. … — … even

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