Shoulda been a more cleverer guy

This book is good. Have a couple of issues – one is finding the proper diagrams or figures (as those scholarly types call their rather lame efforts at design) near the applicable text – the other is, without further research, I ABSOLUTELY *REFUSE* TO BELIEVE THERE IS AN “ANTI REWARD” MECHANISM IN THE BRAIN. Surely it is just a LACK OF REWARD?!   Would have loved to hear the authors ideas on ADHD brain development.

Marc Lewis, you’re the man. This book is good, I could never write it. It is too clever. I could say something madly intelligent like
“this chemical stuff moves between that question mark bit and that other bit that looks like a suspension bridge from the side…”
“this electrical pulse thing makes this little hair thing move – like static electricity – you know dude?”

Marc would probably know exactly what that means. Everyone else would have to consult him.

I am not “the man”. Not in the slightest. I am a picky bugger who spends his whole life looking for problems, errors or stupidity. In so doing, the designer in me comes out. This “negative” thinking is positive. I am constantly spotting possible improvements.

If you are called a fuck wit, chances are someone thinks you’re a fuck wit. They may not follow your behaviour, thus proving my point. Being a fuck wit is positive. Just not for the fuckwit. 


You know what? I still say these recovery people, and even harm reduction advocates (I am one) are getting all this wrong. DO NOT STUDY THE ADDICT. Study the person with exactly the same childhood, exactly the same adverse events. Exactly the same brain. Exactly the same genetics. Study the person with all the potential to become an addict, BUT IS NOT A PROBLEMATIC ADDICT. 

(c) NZFIEND 2013

“Sorry NZFIEND, sometimes I forget you’re not a psychologist.”

That, dear readers, is some sort of praise. Coming from someone whom is months away from  majoring in the subject and spends hours a week talking with me.

“No need to apologise mate…”

He knows a lot about the broader reaches. I have my own theories on specifics.

Remember how, before recently giving up drugs, the thought that socialisation was the issue? Before ever hearing about Rat Park? Or how about how I hypothesised that ADHD was a left handed problem? There are always thoughts in our heads. Even if Ritalin does slow it to a crawl, I can still re-invent the wheel daily!

I can keep up with him. And him with me. We occasionally clash. But, more often than not, although what I propose seems silly at first, he will usually find a way to fit it into the structure of his learning.

Lately there have been a couple of things going on.

  • I found myself at home.
    In the “Leadership Addiction Day” with all these qualified psych, social, addiction people. Doctors, lawyers, CEO’s, authors… members of our right wing Government wearing bow ties even!… and felt comfortable discussing all their subject matter. Didn’t have to pull punches much. Talked to high up people just like they are my street buddies outside McDonalds or the soup kitchen. Saw some get upset and calmed them…. If there were scores to be given out for being a bum on a sickness benefit – they should give me a good one.
  • Absurdly…
    When thinking about it, the majority of my waking hours interacting with others or reading has been spent between the realms of attachment theories, globalisation, addiction, adhd and a list of brain parts and chemicals… Dopamine, serotonin and, of course, the opioids…. Gabor, Bruce and a number of stuffy old neuroscience people, combined with a bunch of recovery industry zealot authors…

    And now, maybe the person I should have been…! If only I had felt like giving up drugs ten or fifteen years sooner and could go out in public with a shitty old professors beard… Hahahahhaha. And allowed myself a few drinks in the evening. Unfortunately a few drinks in the evening, for me, leads to… Well… Stomach pumps and crime.

Should have been a clever guy. The physics tutor at high school wanted me to skip a couple of years and go straight to a physics course and by pass all the other sciences. Pity that didn’t happen. Got asked to leave due to drug supply rumours instead. Sold computers for $40,000 a year at age 16. Now THAT is a road to ruin. Let me tell you – Maybe another time.

Should have been someone more cleverer.

Instead I survive off NZ$69 a week and add to this shitty blog once in a while.

Just two weeks ago I spent the whole day being interviewed by police for drug supply, administration, dealing… The senior detectives obviously don’t read this blog. They suggested, with all seriousness, I should write a book.

It’s a life Jim. But not on this planet.


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