And now, not so depressed at all

You see, I am  not even writing this from bed. One hour ago my phone twerped a tweet and email. Before that it chimed an email or two. Someone on the same wavelength cashing in on more accurate forms of communication than direct head to head transfer… Totally stoked to hear from a few people.

One of whom had managed to get my cancer suffering friend a visit from someone whom the buck stops at.

You see, the world is changing.

And by being a loud mouth pain in the arse with no affiliation to business, government or health body you sometimes can make a little difference.

I had to visit my mate to give him the news as he has no cellphone, laptop or Blackberry Donut device. The look on his face was worth every cent of not owning a stupid communication device. Genuine happiness. Genuine gratitude. Even a touch of genuine surprise that someone had listened, taken him seriously, empathised with his predicament and bloody well gone out of their way to help with no expectation of payment or gratitude.

And this is all it took to get me back into the planet of the living.

One hour from receiving a few emails I’ve ridden to hospital, made someone happy and am back home sitting at a computer writing on the worlds shittest blog.

The world is changing. More people putting steel caps into the establishments balls appreciated. Apply within.


I even may might possibly go to an N.A meeting tonight.

Or, maybe possibly might not.

And now. Depressed


And now, depressed. Laying in bed at 1pm is not normal. Sun shine, but windy.

A friends grandad died and ,whilst away at funeral, his young missus leaves him.

That’s not it though.

Went to my dead sisters house to repair something. Lung cancer. 37. Sad. Got me thinking.

That’s not it.

Went for coffee. Had 12 shots. Normal behaviour. Even started yawning. Friend shows up, notices yawns and asks if I just swallowed ritilan as he notices I yawn uncontrollably when a big dose hits.

Our friend is in hospital. They have found out what’s wrong. Lung Cancer.

But that’s not it.

The methadone maintenance people are not treating him with empathy or respect he needs.

This is not it either.

It is all of this. It is writing emails, making phone calls. All the same as every other time.

The world may be changing.

Just wish it would bloody well hurry up.

Extreme acetylcholine



Biohacking? Sounds kind of interesting.

Definitely not a life on life terms situation mind you.

One supplement style product they advertise is acetylcholine. Will leave it to you to click on link and look at what they are playing with there. 2-Acetoxy-N,N,N-trimethylethanaminium

Somewhat interestingly, they appear to be aiming for the effect of becoming a temporary psychopath. And then tuning the effect to individual brain and performance requirements.

bioPutting collagen in a protien formulation sounds like a bloody awesome idea mind you.


My age old adrenaline junky and high risk (but managed in my point of view) receptors are firing up big time.

Think I should possibly just put that website and its ideas away and move on.

However interesting.

And then I log in to FACEBOOK and find old mate Chuck leaving posts….

Godddammmmm……….. Life on life’s terms just seems oh so boring.

Lucky I have a kid to be boring for.


Special Idiot Me and Pain

Just realised I have


The drawing pin has not moved far. It is in the same place, on the floor in front of the gas heater.

Every time I stand on it it hurts. Every time I stand on it I think “I will pick that up”.

Every time I think of picking it up my back hurts more than the stab in the foot.

The drawing pin just got kicked to a slightly different part of the floor.

Maybe now it will stop getting me in the heel of my right foot and aim for the left.



Oh my, I just wrote four or five hundred words and then noticed DANNY LEMON had written more and clicked on “MORE” to see if he had already said my piece. ALL my words were lost. This review is therefore totally off topic (completely unlike me, who is usually so on topic…. 😉

Kites Trust have great people doing a great job in an area fraught with complication, neglect and contempt.

They say it takes 17 years to make a positive change and 24 years to change a negative. Just bloody well hope they can keep happily chipping away at the bricks and mortar that make up the fortress of addiction and mental health thinking in our rather illogic society.

Even staunch capitalists will work out that a country (or area of “economic units”) should be rated on it’s populations happiness and not on Gross Domestic Product stats.

In the end they only understand economy. Don’t worry about communities, quality of life and suffering. Explain to the capitalists how the economy will improve with a bunch of happy economic units floating around.

Kites may work for the individual and look after their requirements in so many levels… Sure.

They also produce high end reports, analysis and recommendations to the sectors Government agencies and power brokers.

People have said it takes 17 years to make a positive change and 24 to change a negative. But then I found a report written for Government about Drug Addiction recovery. It suggested that rehab and residential treatment centres must be run collaboratively between “learning universities, government hospitals, mental health agencies . etc etc…. and OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTS”.

A great report. A report that I typed a few paragraphs verbatim into the internet. The recommendations got excellent responses from a few Californians, Canadians and Dutch people looking at New Zealand as though we are world leaders.

Unfortunately this report was published in 1971. Exactly 41 years before I typed it in and sent a photocopy to the minister in charge.

17 years to make a positive. 24 years to stop a negative. That’s 41 years.

The term “Occupational Deprivation” could be used to replace “Disassociation / Dislocation [from society].” These roots of our societies mental illness and addiction exponential growth have only come into mainstream thinking in the last decade.

Yet here is a report demanding a holistic approach inclusive of getting individuals to socialise and participate in positive community endeavour. In 1971.

The Canadians, Dutch and Californian drug and penal system people were disappointed when finding out the report was not recent and not actioned.

Disappointed, but not the slightest surprised. “Rolling eyes” was a common email theme for a while 😉

You know why we should all thank Kites?

** Not for the help with pointing out the correct text books.
** Not for allowing the use of their phones, borrowing pens or using their internet.
** Not for collecting data, processing, analysing, writing recommendations and presenting to international conferences or local groups.
** Not for sharing their knowledge.
** Not for training and educating the filthy masses that inhabit middle and upper management and doing likewise, albiet in with a slightly different hat, for the mass vast potential that I can only term service “users”.
** Not even for setting up peer support groups, buddies services, job placement programmes…
** Not for being great people doing a great job in a complicated mess of a system.

We should be thanking them for ignoring all the crap – all the white noise.
We should be thankful that they believe in something strongly enough to just bloody well do it.

— Yes, this was me trying to be positive. It was 5am. And it was FATHERS DAY. I was due to be woken up by my daughter carrying in surprise breakfast in bed (it turned out to be chocolates) in less than a few hours. 

Maybe there is need to edit (or at least proof read) my own work.

Journo-lism students. Changing the world one step at a time without even realising it.

Journalism. Back in the day it was a force in the world. Fourth Estate and all that. Judging by a lot of the crap produced in “professional” print publications nowadays you really have to wonder.

There is hope.

The world is changing.
Too slowly mind you, but changing nonethebloodyless.

Have been interviewed by many students over the years – usually people doing masters or other thesis work involved with addiction, mental health, criminality and even one or two high ranking police officers interested in things other than pinning my innocent ass to the wall and tazering it senseless.. Have been interviewed by people with long lists of letters after their names that would indicate they have had much better life plans than my goodself. (And probably better social graces and backing from Daddy’s trust fund……..!!!)


This blog is kind of stupid. It may not even qualify as a “blog” any longer.

This time last year I spent four hours writing a piece on being left handed. Thinking that maybe “us lefties” were more likely to be ADHD and creative resulted in many thousands of words spilling forth. Then it got titled (without much forethought, and more than a little sarcastically) “LEFT HANDEDNESS – A CURSE FROM THE DEVIL”. Although not having read it since writing it, I remember it as a ground breaking and brilliant example of new philosophy.

Someone on the street six months later told me that coats of arms have a “good” side and a “bad” side. GOOD is RIGHT. LEFT is BAD. Fuck me, what did you say?

I looked it up further. Turns out bloody PLATO and all those Greek and Latin speaking kiddy molesters beat me to it. The origin of the coat of arms thing comes from Latin – “SINISTER” was “LEFT” basically.

To this day you are “CORRECT” if you are “RIGHT”. Even the term “cack – handed” has sinister connotations….

cack-handed (ˌkækˈhændɪd)


1. left-handed
2. clumsy
[from dialect cack excrement, from the fact that clumsy people usually make a mess; via Middle Low German or Middle Dutch from Latin cacāre to defecate]
In other words, you would wipe your ASS with your CACK hand. Work it out for yourself rather than bothering to argue)



So, this blog is just awesome. F’ing brilliant waste of bandwidth. Re-Inventing the wheel (two thousand years after the fact) has become common. It’s probably part of the reason why there has been so few posts as of late. Am sick of it. Even my HIGHER POWER being WAVELENGTHS and people on the same frequency of wavelength that I spent weeks thinking about…. After spending weeks trashing Tom Cruise, Scientology, Technology, every church in the known universe, and writing off DAN BROWN’s Di Vinci code child puzzles…. I come up with PEOPLE ON SAME WAVELENGTH as a god. But then that sounds boring. So it gets converted into other languages until a nice acronym is found using something from the middle east…. And then. Shit.  TESLA and EINSTEIN,. Fuck you TESLA and EINSTEIN. Unreal. You had similar details and diagrams last century or two? Can’t someone just let me have one original thought without claiming it was done years ago? Bastards, the lot of you.

There is the discovery that I was addicted to ZOPICLONE faster and with more detrimental effects than normal benzo’s such as halcion or valium. Many hours of thinking and processes later I presented my findings to the world by swearing a lot and calling Doctors fuck-wits for prescribing it. After telling people on the street about my experiences for years, one or two of the more astute actually did look it up themselves… And yes, not only was the theory correct, but six months later there are a few people admitting they thought I was full of shit but were too polite to tell me to shut the hell up. They found the theory correct. All by themselves. Many more examples available on request.

Red may mean “returning to port – too useless” and GREEN “we are off Star-Bound… Exploring.
I think I think too much. I am not even going to look this up. EVER.
Please feel free to do so on your own time. But please don’t contact me with the answer.
Kind regards….

The world is changing. Just not fast enough.

The mainstream media is slowly but surely looking at underlying causes and issues of life.

Three pages in the local Saturday rag were dedicated to PORN and SEX amongst consenting couples. They had a good graffick, although the article was fluff. The graffick showed DOPAMINE. Not titties. No psychiatrist from the Wellington Addiction Service with a giant strap on dildo ready to penetrate addicts. Not even a group having soft porn sex.

No. Just a picture of DOPAMINE and it’s chemical structure.

This is amazing.

DOPAMINE is a good side effect of AMPHETAMINE usage.  It is why they give ADHD people really good pharmacy grade crystal meth. Dopamine is used by the front right lobe bit of your noggin to regulate the impulses sent from one of the very first bits of brain to ever work. Basically, let us say you have a fright. You have a FIGHT or FLIGHT response. You have a split second to think about it. Some of us don’t think too much at all. We just act.

DOPAMINE also has a lot to do with LOVE or REWARD. Food, really good sex, really bad sex, any sex, thinking you might get sex… These feelings are really DOPAMINE hitting that big marshmellow in your skull.

Again, rather than argue with me, just look it up and compare notes amongst yourself quietly in your own time… is a good start.

So, changing the world. One step at a time. 11 to go according to William and his big book.

I do my part constantly. I tell everyone whom will listen all about it. Constantly. I don’t break for breathing. Pauses in conversation. I don’t stop when knocked out and being operated on. The surgreons probably notice an hour or two gap in my monologue, but to me it is seamless.

Did you really trip over and hurt yourself if no one was there to witness it?

Hah hah bloody hah.

But, even I am sick of repeating stuff to addiction, medical, government types. And I don’t get sick easily.

JOURNALISM STUDENTS however. Different breed.

Sometimes there are people who have so little regard for their personal sanity that they email me via this insanely popular WordPress Blog. (Note to self – remember to use LOL’s and emoticons more regularly…)

A particularly courages Journalism student from Auckland went to all the trouble of going to Government OFFICIAL INFORMATION ACT (maybe she used the guide written on this blog!!! hahahaha) to get some information regarding the “OPIOID TREATMENT SERVICE” in New Zealand. OTS (shitty acronym, maybe they should have tried another language, although Bosnian doesn’t work — opijata službe tretmana results in OST – keep trying on your own time and get back to me….) is not OTS.

The first thing the student asked was lost as she mentioned OTD. Queue diatribe – “OTS is crap. There is no SERVICE and very little TREATMENT. OMD would work better. Opiate Maintenance DisService.”

After five minutes on the phone it was time for her to go and have a valium, a cranium massage and a long lay down in a sensory deprivation tank.

To her, and most earthlings, it was probably an hour.

Don’t know who invented time scales, but the Freemasons probably had nothing to do with it. Has someone already invented, or theorised, that time is relative?


Over the five minutes I spent talking like a horse race announcer with a few too many coffee’s in his system, she learnt that addicts are “under performing economic units” with little hope of positive prognosis. We are given a concrete box to live in and a colour tv to watch. Governments the world over have big rugs to sweep problems under.

Governments will start valuing their countries differently. Citizens “HAPPY AVERAGE PERSON POPULATION INDEX” (HAPPI) rather than “GROSS DOMESTIC PRODUCT” (GDP) will become more economically responsible. A country with a good HAPPI index will automatically produce a much better GROSS PRODUCT. And more of them.


Did I mention my theories on how CAPITALISM will eventually fall into SOCIALISM as the MARKETS dominate governments and “CONSUMER WATCHDOGS” that prevent monopolies fail? Once you have many big monopolies (Vodafone, CBS, Sony and Ford, along with a few Freemason trust funds) calling the shots, the people have to step in and regulate the monopolies. If these corporations all had a proper and concrete understanding of corporate responsibility there would be no need for central government.

If an employees Mum was ill, the corporation would pay for her hospital bed.

If a road needed fixing so the employees could get to work, the corporation would fix it (with their own bulldozers and employees more than likely. You should see what CBS owns. Go look it up, on your own time.)

World markets and globalisation are at the very heart of the worlds addiction and disassociation (dislocation) epidemic. Gangs, lost souls, attention seeking via wrong methods……. All have a root in the degrading shit that makes up the soil of capitalism. 

AGAIN – Look it all up. BRUCE k ALEXANDER is a good place to start….
There are now copies in OTAGO medical research labs library, MASSEY universities, WELLINGTON PUBLIC…. yes folks – you can change the world. Importing one book at a time…

This poor journalism lass coped well. I have a sneaky suspicion she may have even agreed on some points.

She rang to discuss methadone treatments. She learnt that methadone treatments are shit. But, funny enough, drug addiction is shit too.

Being addicted to capitalism and trading in your wife for the receptionist, spending no time with your kids as you are too busy paying off the nannies new BMW X5… Well, I say give these capitalists some drugs and sell all their houses.

They will then ensure their kids get enough time to develop properly and avoid the pitfalls of the last fifty years of humanity. Lucky kids.

All great societies collapse eventually. Otherwise we would all be running around in white tunics saluting centurions on every second street corner.

Our society of trousers, miniskirts and saluting Vodafone 4G with our I-Phones on every second street corner may self implode in one great big drug fuelled binge. America may have to prostitute it’s own sweet fanny off to pay it’s drug debts to the East.

NZ will learn to speak mandarin in next to no time. Winston Peters will set up private charter schools for that exact purpose. 

And as for the Third Reich falling over… Adolf Hitler wasn’t on crystal meth day and night. No way. Hell no.


Sorry about writing another 2000 words in the space of two hours. Maybe I should find some dopamine, slow down a little and edit this work. Maybe I should at least research it a bit and put in some APA references. Maybe I should just shut up and turn the heater on, for it is freezing. I just know some of you journalist types will read this and not make sense of some bits. Some of the doctors and researchers who read this will never see the interesting bits as there is far too much garbage. I, myself, will not read it, preferring to maintain a fragile self esteem intact. I am one of the worlds best writers. And that is that. So there.

Actually am sorry to have taken so much time away from this sort of work. Although it may all be relative. 

A relatively good thing.

And we have a new RIGHT Government with a cack handed Prime Minster.

That really is sinister.

Earth to Science, come in science…

BILL BENNETT on TV3 this morning. Bill is a good guy, although he is turning more into a techno geek and throwing away his writing and journalism credentials rapidly. (He will never read this. He is far too busy)

Science has gone and got lost in itself again.

Relying on machines more and more to do something your brain and states and traits should be able to accomplish is creating lazier and downright stupider humans.

Didn’t NZ just re-elected NATIONAL for a third term with another hugely low voter turn out?

Proof right there.