ONCE an addict, ALWAYS an addict…

It is totally fair that twenty years after admitting drug seeking behaviours that they will not give me some stupid pills 48 hours early.

Totally.

Yeah right.

Twenty years. And still guilty. What a crap system.

http://www.drthomasebrown.com/just-released-smart-stuck-emotions-teens-adults-adhd

See – I have been undiagnosed ADHD most of my life. I have been on Ritalin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylphenidate) for the last year, give or take a month. During this time of active Ritalin use I have had some stolen, put some through the washing machine and lost a few here or there (which, I would suggest, is common for people with ADHD). Having not complained or asked for more*, you would think asking for a script 48 hours early would be okay…

* Other than the time the NZ POLICE took them all off me as part of a drugs supply bust, without charge and without conviction, which eventuated in nothing. Vindictive drug whores have a lot to answer for.

http://www.drthomasebrown.com/add-adhd-model/

I am no doctor. But I can read. I can converse with Doctors. Sometimes I even make enough sense that they listen. Sometimes I can talk for hours, and they SHOULD listen.

They don’t.

But people like Dr Thomas E Brown and Dr. Gabor Maté – Renowned Speaker and Author – not only listen, but they compile, dissect and act.

If you don’t listen to me, and I ain’t going to stab you in the front for that, you should listen to these people.

They may be doctors. But don’t judge them for it.

Just in case you think I am lying about having ADHD….

There are symptoms of ADHD that I have noticed that should, possibly, be included in this list…

19. How often do you find your hands full of objects when trying to pick up others or do tasks?

I have ADHD.
Honestly.

COPY OF LETTER SENT PRIVATELY
TO MY HEALTH CARE PROVIDERS
(G.P – Doctor and Pharmacy)
Please keep information contained within confidential to those whom provide direct service in regard of this prescription.

“Oops – I am putting this online. What an idiot.” 😉

As discussed, I put myself on fortnightly pickups. There is no “close control” endorsement on the script. I am not on any “drug abuser” watchlist (or, if I am, please provide explanation and evidence of such).

My script says quite clearly “fortnightly dispense”, I agree.

“That’s about all I can agree with, sadly.”

However, as explained equally clearly, I need a little leeway with this. I will go back to monthly pickups, even though this can create problems as have been known to misplace the items, have had items stolen, and could possibly use too many and leave myself short for the final week. Really – five or six pills were lost to the washing machine this weekend (I could blame my daughter, but it is my fault for leaving them in pocket of shorts I had on when picking them up the last week)

I am big enough and ugly enough to have some say in my own health care and have some trust given to me from service providers.

I have been open and honest with all concerned.

I have big issues with finances and my car. I am getting a clutch tonight and am TRYING to put it on myself before picking my daughter up from school at 3pm at xxxxxxxx (this requires pulling out a gearbox, driveshaft, bellhousing…. You really need a list of mechanics tasks I have to do tomorrow?!).. On Wednesday I am doing P.D all day, to finish at 4pm.

Have shared with you that the pills are running short towards end of the exact fortnightly pickup and there was supposed to be a little leeway available. As there has, commonly, been in the past.

Have wasted two hours today on trying to get these bloody pills two days early.

“Yes folks, two hours of phone calls, travel, being grumpy and wasting my life. Just to get some damn pills that control my impulse prone nature and make me more reasonable, thoughtful and able to fit in with the demands of being a Dad and reliable human within our societies structure.”

I will be under a car in xxxxxxxx from first light tomorrow and only have a small dose available for tomorrow morning anyway as lost some to the washing machine. I then am supposed to pick my daughter up.

I cannot get them Wednesday.

When having no pills I do start acting angrily and short with people. Especially those in positions of power.

Last fortnight, when the original script could only be picked up Thursday, I had a run in with the police Wednesday night. This would not have happened if I had the extra pills as requested. The police guy wanted to beat me up.

“Another police guy arrived from Central Station and asked me if I was still on Ritalin. They have met me before and found the Ritalin script in my pocket which I could not get until the next day. They uncuffed me, asked me to go straight home and get my bloody drugs into me.”

Basically I am really trying to control myself, and am slowly improving, but I need those damn pills. The pills really knock a lot of inhibition into me. Lack of inhibition is… Well… Fuck… Problematic to society, the economy, and myself.

I don’t even like the effect the pills have on me in a number of ways, but I am far better off with them. I am a lot less trouble with them. I don’t get as much done with my days, but at least my days are not full of aggression, anti social behaviours and annoying others…

I have my daughter tomorrow night (TUESDAY) and after spending a day with virtually no pills and being very busy I am worried how this will pan out. Although making progress with my own ability to deal with situations of stress without behaving in the impulsive and over the top way my brain tells me to, I really am honestly in need of those damn pills for Tuesday night. In the past there has been issues. Over the last year with the Ritalin things have been much better.

I have been into the READINGS UNICHEM today and told that they will not dispense until Thursday as they claim “you are on close control” (which I am not).

This pharmacist has previously told me that Doctor BEN has asked to watch me closely and report back.

Doctor BEN is not my Doctor, nor has any say in my health care.
Doctor BEN has been told as much. He is under no illusion he has no say in my life or care thereof.
Doctor BEN can go take a running jump. Preferable over a large cliff, or carpark building roof.

The pharmacists then claimed that “fortnightly dispense” meant I was on “close control”. Fucken what? Since when does MYSELF suggesting I do FORTNIGHTLY mean that I am putting myself on close control endorsements?

The pharmacists then said the doctor had to authorise it, which is fine. Other than the doctor is not available Monday. I really need to get those bloody pills on Tuesday lunchtime, but have seriously got to be in a garage trying to get my car working. Picking them up on Tuesday is a real real real pain. It will take 1.5 hours out of a really busy day.

This is, quite frankly, stupid. And a complete pain in the arse.

I have been honest and straight forward as possible in my dealings with all this.

Rosie Edwards apparently “set a limit” on the dosage, yet Rosie Edwards will, according to those concerned, not see me in regards to this.

“Unfortunately Rosie Edwardson (Edwards) uses this technique a lot. As does the rest of the service in regards to us ADHD people who are just there to get free drugs.”

You all know I have been using slightly more than 70mg a day for sometime. I had to fight tooth and nail even to get that 70mg, and yet I see it works for me. Even my ex-partner who spent 10 years in family court kicking my ass thinks so. I can use a little more some days, and a little less others. It depends on how busy I am.

This weekend I had a lot on. I was awake more than normal with my daughter, football Sunday morning at 8am… Spent over two hours teaching ten year olds how to play football… Then did this, and that,…. And “baby sat” someone who was abusing alcohol for a day or two. I do all this stuff that has no set routine. I do all this stuff for no pay.

My life is not one of “get up, go to work, come home”. My life varies a lot from day to day. I have a very bad (sore at times) back. I have other health issues. I get by as best as I possibly can.I push myself hard…. Very hard. Every day that I am able to do something freely and with happiness is a day to be made the most of.

Yet the people supposed to be providing health care are the ones who actually cause me the most upset. The most annoyance. And, potentially, cost me and the country a lot more than a stupid box of Ritalin 48 hours earlier than scripted.

Do I make sense?

I think I do.

You lot are the ones who don’t.

So, there is the letter written today.
Even went to Newtown library, printed it and deposited into the lovely Doctors receptionists open hands. She started reading. Hope she struggled through until the fin.