Lazy broken arse blog writing

Had a lil word about some homebrew getting out together if it does I guess I could have a shot if IM ALLOUD too for a taste. I still got my wine not touched since the other week.

— WOW. FUcken cool. Good for you. When I gave up using heaps of drugs I found I broke a lot of the rules and had a lot of drugs in the house the whole time. That way I was choosing not to use. COz otherwise if I saw someone I would want to talk and then it would always end up badly. So, by having the stuff at home I could talk to people without having the need of getting on it with them. Made sense to me at the time. Seemed to work okay. Kind of! Better than most people going to N.A on Wednesday and coming to score on Thursday. So there.

My UNCLE even offered me beer or wine at the jap cuisine he took me too. I turned it down. I feel good u know being straight up with him and everyone else. They all listening to me now and everyone’s just so surprised of me and they not easy to surprise at all. My brother and my uncle have definitely made my day today love ’em to bits

Sounds good. I have spoken two sentences to my Mum in a fortnight and that was only coz she rung up on Thursday wanting to know if the court had taken off the bracelet yet. Wellington sucks. What a shit hole it is.

My other Mum (being adopted I get the worst of both worlds) has not spoken to me since being repeatedly told to go fuck off over the space of two months, and my other Dad has never given me the opportunity to tell him the same as he has been successfully ignoring / avoiding me since birth…)

Really wish it all works out for u Fienz really do .. ur not alone I’ll still help u as much as u can ok so chin up soljah ur getting there don’t give up

— THat last sentence sounded like you were saying goodbye when I first saw it. “Really wish it all works out for u Tones really do…” See? That’s like — “Good luck, see ya“.

[Don’t blame anyone for thinking this way. For I have been in a fucken hole. And… Grrr.]

Having been stuck since late April I am itching to go and do something. I was going to surprise you on the plane to Christchurch thing simply to kick a ball around, but when the cat was let out the bag (don’t know why the hell that happened [dickhead me, I opened my big mouth and put my big typing finger into it]) you didn’t seem too keen on the idea.

Too bad. Need to just go and have some fun without thinking. Don’t know what that will be now, but will be nagging you, as promised.
Cleaned through a lot of my kids room today.

Three big boxes of toys, clothes and games like scrabble or jigsaw puzzles given away. Found one big bag of stuff that she had left here that needed to go back to her at her Mums, so asked someone to drop it off at my Mums. It kind of hurts that my Mum can see my kid, but I can’t. WTF. Anyway, cannot afford to let my head go there.

Is really unhealthy.

Same as worrying about you and stuff. Just could not afford to think about that stuff whilst in jail… And now it is four months later and… You have turned into helping me. Last thing I fucken expected. Although doing my best to push you away as I feel like dragging the whole world down with me, you’ve hung in there.

WHatever. [SHut up Fiendipoo]

So, Had a good snooze. Three nights running. Cleaned through some stuff.  Had some good foods, did some good de-cluttering… NOISE CONTROL CAME AROUND AND GAVE ME A WARNING. For the first time since moving in five years ago. Fuck! What? Noise control?.. Had the stereo up loud for a few songs as was working in the kids room and no one bothered to come and say anything. They Just Rung Noise Control. That almost ruined my improving mood and motivation.

[ISeems you cannot have songs about vaginas blaring at 3pm on a Sunday whilst having a working bee in this country. I suggest voting old testament loving politicians into power ASAP. Go you good things… 

(loud, do it now. Then look up “NOFX LOUISE”) Good luck.]

I used to get upset when giving my kid back after our time together.

Now I seem to be at my worst on Fridays and Saturday. Think missing the kids football and not seeing my family and being stuck home lonely over the weekend sets me off on bad thought processes. Spiralling downwards rapidly being consistent diagnosis.

Pushed the limits of the ankle bracelet again today.

Went up to the far washing lines. Was a beauty day for a while and got four or five loads of washing done. All the bedding, pillows, duvet covers… First time they’ve all been done at the same time in since being home. The 0800 EMBAIL people can go and get me arrested, I went to the mail box, to my garden, to my car and to the washing lines. The area I am actually allowed to go is shown on this little graffick…

area

The EMBAIL people were not happy already. Seriously though, being able to wash and dry all your stuff should be compulsory thing. If they put me back in Rimasuka’s for that…. Fuck! 

Hahahah, bet you they would like to. This G.P.S bracelet thing gets you tracked to within a metre, so they see exactly where I go.

Too bad. I just wanna go and do burnouts.
😉

Thought there were more messages to read. Sorry if I missed something here or there. I usually really look forward to getting your messages and news. Then sometimes I hate it coz I have nothing happy or interesting to share and feel shit not being able to make sense of your gansta txt writing.

Hehehe.,..

ALMOST WENT BACK TO BED WITHIN AN HOUR OF GETTING UP THIS MORNING. Just could not be bothered with life again. Limbo, switch off. Watch another American TV series in my pain free cocoon of duvet death… 

Then, the thought that property agent may sort her shit out and give me a place. The thought that I am a useless sad broken dickhead. The thought that I could make some money out of selling stuff I had for my kid.

Ran out of room before finishing my writing on TRADEME… Bloody useless people in the world nowadays. If you write more than 128 characters in a single post you are “ranting”.

Tell you the truth, I can’t be bothered reading it either. Waste of my time. Writing is even bigger waste. In one ear, out the other.

“””
Kid has grown up and although I still like playing with this… uer … I mean … although the kid still likes playing with this………

TIME TO SELL.

thomas

The memories here are priceless. Thankfully the kid put some on YouTube before being lost to the world forever. This means I can view them and by clicking on the GoogleAds have even monetised these priceless memories.

You cannot put a price on capitalism after all.

Slap.

OKay, so, this auction is really for TOMY THOMAS AND TANK ENGINE set including the bridge, the track, the road and the fittings shown here.

Obviously this set up has enjoyed many design based educational settings – Including one of my kids favourites — TANGIWAI.

More recently she moved to into downright suicidal versions of Fat Controller and Thomas the psychopath enactments. The sound track to the videos was most disturbing.

Still not as disturbing as her mothers normal phone manner, but whom am I to judge?

** THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE. Although, realistically, he is more THOMAS the little scrawny engine. Needs a battery.

** PERCY is a cheeky saddletank who was brought to Sodor to help run the railway during the big engines’ strike. He works on Thomas’ Branch Line as a goods engine. Built sometime around 1900, he is probably running a colostomy bag with his battery.

** TWO CARRIAGES called ANNIE and CLARABEL (non powered – duh, they are carriages, on a bloody train FFS, not real life females that require multiple AA’s to get out of bed in the mornings…)

** THREE TREES, use your imagination a little and these tree’s will help offset the carbon emissions created during construction your own disaster film. Peter Jacksons Newtown model in Brain Dead will have nothing on this…

** ROAD TUNNEL, cunningly with a bit of track on the top for… you guess it… trains….

** POWERED station with rotating HAROLD (don’t get me started on rotating with HAROLD)…

** BERTIE THE BUS. They really didn’t push the boundaries with naming this dude huh?
“””

It’s the little things.

Had a good bit of fun laying out the track like this and driving the trains off the bridge and running over the fat controller. Kid and I had huge laughs at this kind of psychotic humour together.

So, as you can see, another little bit of de-clutter.

Another little bit of dealing with memories and sadness that are slowly becoming memories and fondness.

Hope the judge sees it that way on Wednesday.

Appreciatively yours, ME.

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