Vapour of E

VAPING, sure is a thing.

Having given up smoking seven years ago, was a little annoyed with self when starting again a couple of years ago.

A few young ladies I may or may not have been sounding out for this nor that were smokers. One exceptional beauty was getting the stupider side of me to roll cigarettes for her whilst driving  me the hundred kilometres to Wellington family court.

Court, losing access to daughter, other issues.  I guess, to most people, it’s just “life”.

To someone who smoked for thirty years of their fourty year old life it was a great gilded opportunity to fall from the wagon. Not like me to dive headfirst from anything without thinking about it long and hard first. Far from it, of course.

Anyhow. ….

Electric power steering nicotine vapour into willing lungs was soon deciding the way to go.

Don’t see a problem with nicotine. Just the delivery method. The chemicals inhaled from traditional spark induced tobacco cremation far out weigh the good the nicotine can do in someone like us.

E cigs are great. However the ADHD side of me losses them consistently. 

Constantly enough that three or four hours of a generous Week is spent stressing and climbing into cupboards, under cars, digging through the garden, moving beds… Occasionally to no avail.


Whilst buying another is certainly not entirely out of reach economically for this poor broken backed dick head who claims to be an adult most days —  have decided not to buy another out of pure pig headed stubborn self loathing.

In the words of Jeremy Kyle…. perhaps… Maybe that Oprah chick… 



Which is true. This jelly like brain of mine has certainly decided bit too replace the vape system. This, rather interestingly, has the side effect of reducing my nicotine intake to zero.

Yesterday was light headed, didn’t even visit mum on her birthday. Rude prick I am.

Stopping nicotine intake instantly probably isn’t the best route. Opiate receptors, cannabinoid, dopamine levels… They all go a little haywire. So,, side effects could be exactly like having ADHD to prior who didn’t already.

Discovering this info about withdrawal has got me re:thinking a few of the old ideas discovered whilst writing this, the worlds shittest blog.

Old ideas #55c ; the dual effect of nicotine and other drugs upon withdrawal.

And totally confirmed another old idea, possibly aptly labelled old idea #6.66…

N.A NAZI types who look down their noses at those who relapse, or turn to drink are dumb arsed…

For they are taking deep drags on cigarettes at the same time as putting down others on drug maintenance programs.

If nicotine calls to you every time you’re stressed, or you’re triggered to smoke by so many things…

YOU MAY WANT TO TAKE A HUG, A BROCHURE and CONTEMPLATE THE FIRST STEP, to paraphrase somewhat correctly… 

Something effecting opiate receptors and dopamine levels is not to be sneezed at. And sneezing through a cloud of tobacco inhalation of worthy of grabbing your attention.

And may prove an answer to methadone withdrawal… HUGE CIGARS FOR EVERYONE, administered daily of course, wouldn’t want people splitting them into half and creating a cigarette black market or anything. Paranoid ADDICTION DIS SERVICES world wide would choke on that one.

Meanwhile, little old me. Meaningless life lead…
Had a dream where I found the e cig, and was about to puff on it and threw it away instead.

Guess dreaming at all is a good sign. Seems nicotine is easier than methadone at this stage.

And giving up vaping is easier than smoking. YOU don’t have the whole procession of finding papers, filters, tobacco, rolling, finding lighter, smoking. That is a habit in itself.

Unfortunately – The Neuro pathways created by this repetitive business of smoking have turned into neuro highways.

Time to get back on those side roads by the coast and watch a sunset or three.

Without stinging lips from  18% nicotine liquid leaking over mouthpiece of baking machine.



  1. One of my mates told me I should read your posts about addiction, but I think you are angry at the wrong people. By all means dis the the fat white baby boomer money grubbing grey foxes… but continually having a go at health professionals??????????

    You know I have got real good help from that service you call a disservice and those guys are pretty awesome. I’ve read your blogs and you give them heaps of shit. I’ve been totally wired and spat shit at heaps of their staff over the years and you know what they have done? Turned around and help me get better!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m rocking it.

    They are all really trained up nerdy peeps and (aside from the doctors) they work for pretty shit pay in shit conditions. I road crew for more than what may case manager gets paid Why do you give those guys arseholes?? Whats your problem?? They have helped me turned my life around. Perhaps you are projecting your own crap dude.
    Just a thought.


    1. The health “professionals” are the ones causing the condition, directly, for the consumer.

      Projecting my own crap via my own experiences, and those friends who also experience the same. Most people I dealt with whilst writing all this (look at the dates on posts, you will see this started five years ago) do not go along to meetings and fill in questionnaires about their experiences. Hell, most of the people I know don’t even vote for fears best left to another discussion.

      These people are the ones who are at the bottom of the pile and don’t have voices to be heard. If that is true in reality, or not, it is true in their minds.

      Three people I was supporting have died since the start of this writing. All three got completely stuffed around, some documented here. Health care professionals outright lying and covering up their lies repeatedly caught out doing so.

      Sure, they (health professionals) have got a lot better at being your “mate” since I started to write this. The professionals concerned are well aware of this blog and the people I was helping, after time.

      The reason for starting this in the first place was to document my own struggle giving up methadone. The initial report on me, written by McBride, was factually wrong from the outset and his conclusion that I was not suitable for help other than methadone maintenance is one that he prescribed many times to others. I was wanting to STOP using methadone and their answer was to put me on the methadone! FFS James! Go figure why someone would be angry at that.

      Anyways, I have not been involved with addiction leadership groups or other such things for a few years now.

      The last meeting I went to was a joke. I presented factual research about the provider – consumer dynamic and was accused of plagiarism and basically made unwelcome by a CEO who was later on stage saying his DHB had 99% consumer happiness and he had spent a day yesterday at the needle exchange and everyone was happy.

      I was at the needle exchange all day myself. I saw him for half an hour. During this time word spread around the local area and NO ONE on methadone went into the service whilst he was there. Others waited around the corner, or went to a machine to avoid him as he would take their methadone away if he saw them near a needle exchange.

      The research I got in trouble for subsequently was the toast of other workshops presented by other people.

      So, James – everyones experience is different. My problems with the service are clearly (somewhat) documented on these pages.

      You know, I wasn’t totally wired, and didn’t spit any shit at them at all.

      And you know what? They fucked me around.

      Seems like you need to be a total tool to get them to take you seriously in the first instance? That is your experience… And is that really a good thing?

      It is what it is mate.

      All three of my dead friends thanked me for my work with this “professionals”. No one else could manage to get the help they needed, even when dying. Without a few behind the scenes to words to people higher up the foodchain my friends were stuffed and in pain for months and months before their deaths.

      When you have to help someone out of bed, into your car, give them a lift and help them to the chemist desk daily when it is a common sense thing for them to collect their ‘drone less than seven days a week is an eye opener mate.

      It’s about quality of life and respecting the rights of the individual to lead their life.

      Since writing this blog five years ago, a few things have changed. A few people got asked to leave. A few people left. Maybe this is a normal cull. Maybe it is normal entirely.

      Or maybe they started getting enough people unafraid to speak up about the service they were provided that change had to happen?

      Either way, without people standing up and sharing their shit stories, everything would be how it was twenty years ago.

      And that is fucked.


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