Not a complete list, but one I try to keep working on....

Brain Based Parentingbrain_based_parenting

The Neuroscience of Caregiving for Healthy Attachment

Wow. Another one of those must read books. Once you have read some of Dr Gabor Mates stuff, you can totally relate to how this fits in to the world of brains, development and errors in our brains programming and functions. Absolutely 100% reading.

Drug Repair That Works

How to reclaim your health, happiness and highs


Anyway, not bad. Very simply written, very annoying little excerpts of information thrown over the pages in bold type that draw attention away from message, not towards it.

Like all ex-junky writting worth anything, this guy self depreciates with good grace and humour. Like “I woke up on a boat and just as I started thinking I’d been kidnapped by white slavers I remembered volunteering to crew a boat in a drunken binge the night before. A week later we docked thousands of miles from home, I had no money. It took me a week to hitch home, but I was drunk and stoned the whole way….” Sort of thing. Sounds like me at an N.A meeting.

This part of the book is about how we could do anything as a junky addict bum, but as soon as the drugs are over we are left with a blank hole and feel lost. Like we cannot do anything.

I am glad I am working all this out for myself over many clean periods.

So –  simple and useful, but gets some things so far wrong it is easy to throw it away. “Methadone was invented to suppress the heroin cravings..” WTF? Dude. Type in “methadone invention” or something into Yahoo, or other such search engine. I have not typed it in myself, but what it will not say in the slightest is “methadone was invented to suppress the heroin cravings”. No fucken way mate. Nudda, nope, zilch. You get 7 out of ten for effort, but 3 for unbiased research capability.

Globalization of Addiction

A Study in Poverty of Spirit

Hold On to Your Kids

Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

(or, in my case – “Why Parents Need to Take a lot of mind numbing drugs and move to a new country as they are not allowed to see their kids”)

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

Close Encounters with Addiction

Gabor is the best. Purely because he writes about what I am better than me. And he sends me ADhD emails. About time I sent him one. We could have ADhD competitions. I would win. He would spot the flaws in the argument earlier and go do something more valuable for humanity than exchange stupid emails with a criminal junky from New Zealand.

Now that I have finished the book I can safely say it is worth the read. “Close Encounters with Addiction” is a very accurate description of the book itself and contains more than enough information for most people to work from. I would suggest that some of the final chapters should be read by the more empathy lacking clinicians in the field. They should read the whole book, but probably couldn’t be bothered. It is for this reason that Gabor really needs to be thrown onto a speaking platform in front of NZ health providers. There is just no real thought or relevant process in the decisions as to what this “professionals” dictate to us poor end users.

(“End users” is my own term,….. Hah)

Locked Ward, the

Memoirs of a Psychiatric Orderly

For those with no understanding or empathy towards the slightly more mentally disturbed, this is a good simple read. Not complicated with all sorts of claptrap, just a good honest account of life in a medium security psych ward in Scotland. Clever in places, but largely a tale of short incidences in which you can discover the effects of society on minds in places, or just simply good old madness in others. There are always reasons I guess….

Favourite quote “you cannot put a butterfly back into its chrysalis” when one orderly asks another if they ever regretted taking drugs….


When I was at university recently I spent weeks laying out a book using PHOTOSHOP for each page. I did some crazy little designs and things that were “lost in the overall story” to the ancient old professor who gave me 50% for my efforts of producing a book.

This book is everything I would have produced if given a clear subject matter to start with rather than an ambiguous brief to chose a random word (I chose ACCELERATE). Right, now you have your word, produce a book…..

If given the subject THE CREATIVE DESTRUCTION OF NEOCLASSICAL ECONOMICS I would have quit university and gone and joined these guys. Very well done. Is included here due to the nature of the global economy and the issues surrounding dissociation and individual identity > addiction.

Buy this – It is a great coffee table book with great photos and a poster type image to open up your capitalist mind on almost every second page. BUY IT.

Hey honey, I bought something today!

Oh love, I am so proud.


memoirsMemoirs of an Addicted Brain:

A Neuroscientist Examines his Former Life on Drugs

Marc Lewis
Very good combination of readable personal story and the newly proven science of the neurology involved in behaviours of this nature.

Really appreciate the effort of an obviously very knowledgeable author bringing the subject into the realm of the layman.

Thank you. And others around me have learnt from this book. In my dealings with all walks of life, I find myself quoting little bits of this publication.<br><br>Sit there quietly at an N.A meeting after reading this and see for yourself.

Neuroscience and Religion

Brain, Mind, Self, and Soul

Click on title for first hundred pages or so…

A hard read, but am getting there. The enigma machine is in it, so it has to be good eventually.

Painkiller Addict

From wreckage to redemption – My true story

Now, this chick has a story similar to mine, without all the drug dealing, vomiting happily over very violent (and armed) skinheads and getting really fucked up in some really fucked up places with a whole heap of really fucked up people. I have had pain, operations and stuff. I have never spent that long in hospital as I hate the fucken place and would go home and drink Jack Daniels with sleeping pills for a month until I felt better. This works fine when you’re a kid.

All I can say is, thank God that I have come off drugs and things at a young age and know I can do it.

Her description of coming off is good and useful to someone who has never done it, but this whole book is kind of coffee table journalism, not really worth reading if you know anyone (or are someone) who has done this too. Her book reviews give her 4.7 out of 5 on the “good reads” site, but one reviews is from her Dad (five out of five) and the others are probably similar.

Her comments about “stale sweat” pale in comparison to my brilliant writing, of course… I said something like “I woke after ten minutes to find two smelly black african chicks had crawled into me and were using my body to hang out. Bitches. Smelt bad… Go back to your own bodies, bitches, I am only just strong enough to do my own hanging out….”

There you have it, go give me a publishing contract.

Physics In Mind

A Quantum View of the Brain

Just a very clever bit of work in general, waveforms, how the brain actually works… Even the bits about eye sight are insightful (hahahaahh!)

From the BIG BANG to HUMAN time chart on page 14…. He got my interest with that….

Okay, I dropped out of school at age 15. But the physics teacher asked the headmaster to let me do more advanced physics without doing the 14,15 year old science. I scored a high 90’s on a physics text even though I had not taken science at all for two years. The headmaster wouldn’t listen, I left school and started a long and industrious career with drugs and jail. This book, and I promise you, I have not read one physics paper or document before in my life, is well written and flows nicely. It gradually introduces ideas and concepts. Unfortunately I randomly opened at page 256 and was hooked. For various reasons, 256 is a good number to me. As is 65536.6. I even drive a six cylinder car, with, you guessed it a 4 litre displacement – 666.6cc on each of the six cylinders!

Okay okay. Page 256. Awesome. When I was 12 I was programming and hacking games and was working on compression technologies and was frustrated by the limitations of binary. I thought “if only there was a way to get 0,1 and 2)” This thought went further to “0,1 and NON 0 or 1”.

Then it was forgotten and I invented the oval piston engine (thirty years too late, thanks HONDA) and a number of other inventions that had already been invented. Also explain E.S.P and other things via brain waves, without realising a few base facts first. The base facts are all in this book.

This book is better than N.A for me! And that is why I am not at N.A right now!

Hand it to some other promising youngster who turned out to be a druggy homeless bum and help change the world. Hard reading if not really bloody interested in subject matter.

Psychopath Test, the

A Journey Through the Madness Industry

Author of “Men who Stare at Goats” (made into a movie – ) – makes a very good effort at showing the psychoanalysing industry for what it is. Over capitilisation economy ruled garbage.

I really did enjoy reading this. Sure, I was reading it at the same time as god only knows how many others, but seriously – this guy has the right amount of humour and fact. Ron Jonson. Very onto it for a Brit.

We are all slightly mad, as I have suggested since being seven. Only people are slowly waking up to it. Having a description of every disorder from “picking nose” to “farting in public” may not help. Just gives drug companies something else to aim for!

Entertainment value – Do a search on youtube for “men who stare at goats” there is quite a bit there….

Recovery Writing

Volume 1 2010

A print out (PDF) uptake of writing appearing on the art of life itself website – (which seems to have dissapeared)

Great reading. I wish I could keep my thoughts coherent and on track for long enough…. I would write similar. I would even edit what I wrote, check the spelling, run the grammar past other people and promise not to swear.  Promise 😉

Requiem for a Species

Click on title for first eighty pages from Google…clive_hamiltron

I am just going to quote a little of this – Hope you don’t mind Clive Hamilton...

…. we find psychologists and psychiatrists issuing guidelines on how to respond to emotional and psychological distress associated with awareness of climate change, although the leading therapeutic recommendation of “be optimistic about the future” suggests that mental health professionals have yet to grasp the seriousness of the threat posed by global warming. We can expect that, for a time, the loss of faith in the future and in our inability to control our lives will see a proliferation of mental disturbance characterised by depression, withdrawal and fearfulness.

add global markets, economic and corporate psychopathy into the equation AND *seriously add ADDICTION to the depression, withdrawal [from society] and fearfulness.

Rethinking Madness

Towards a Paradigm Shift in Our Understanding and Treatment of Psychosis

Have not read at all entirely as yet, but the bits I have are making sense. Seems to be buddhist (hindu?) principles laid over western psychobable. A little like the “Drug Repair that Works” without the mention of Chinese herbs and spices in every second paragraph. Obviously more on mind than matter (NZFiend says “mind the matter? Mind the matter. Never mind the matter. Never mind the matter? Matter? The Mind? etc etc etc)….

Very interesting. One sentence along the lines of “late 70’s – May suggested that virtually all psychic conflict boils down to “the dialectical relationship between the individual and the community” (again, I apologise for any paraphrasing……) Taken out of context this is quite a statement..!

Really complicated reading for the first timer to such matter. Flick through for a few gems, like reading a bible. Only mad people would read either from cover to cover as bed time reading.

Romancing Opiates

English: Methadone structure, animation

Just don’t get me started…. Damn, I have started. You wait. This book author needs a show down with some of the others. He needs it on TV. Only a decent TV audience would be big enough for this mans ego. Shame he’d get his out of shape ass kicked to hell and back on tv, otherwise he may actually consider showing up for a real debate…

Favourite bit – The chick around page 100 who was on drugs for years even though she was on the methadone programme (sounds typical). She had enough of drugs finally at age fourty and asked to be taken off the methadone. The programmes psych people said “no”. Really really typical story and one of the few things me and this author will ever agree on. Wannabe toffee nosed shit. Would probably get along with Sam McBride, who unfortunately is the head guy at Wellington Addiction Services (Addict Disservices as it is known)

Sarah Vaughan is Not My Mother

A Memoir of Madness

Written by a local Wellingtonian whom identifies as an addict. Or, more accurately, a bit of a nutter with drug addiction issues brought about by madness. Self medicating mental fruit loop. A story I am familiar with. As is 99% of people in N.A.

Not a bad short read. Should keep the bored sunday reader happy for a while. Nothing “warts and all”, but I admire MaryJane Thomson for writing this. Even if some of the people included in the story don’t.

Will be far more critical of her “prequel” due for release late 2014. Complete bi polar and strong voices in ones head is not something I have long term experience of. I do, however, have a lot of experience with being addicted to drugs, the Wellington drug scene, crazy chicks within the drug scene and have a very comprehensive post graduate masters in the arts of illicit drug supply chain dynamics. This could lead me to pick any future story about how a young nutter chick became a drug addict to small pieces.

Scattered Minds (Scattered)

How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It

Brilliant. 1999 book but absolutely on the money. No doubt about it, just click on the title and be taken to the website. 100% must read for all parents and adults. A must read for those whom work in schools.

END OF REVIEW. SUPERB. Wish I had read it years ago. Would have saved me jail, and saved New Zealand over a million dollars in the process…

Click here for chapter two of 32 with my comments included. Some of the other chapters are a bit longer admittedly.

Stepping out of the Shadows

Insights into self-stigma and madness

Click to see

Interesting article (chapter) by Nikki Smith starting on page 109. This was written over summer 2008/2009 I guess, but little has changed. Love the bit that goes something along the lines of –

So, I [NZFIEND making this up] present as a “client” at a bulletproof glass window and talk to a receptionist who has her hand hovering over a panic button. I am taken into a room through a door with no handle on it where I see another two discretely placed little red buttons. I feel like pushing one, just to see what happens.

Whilst Nikki does not go as far as this character [me] she says exactly the same things in her own words. Couple of points to pick re cause of addiction and a few other bits, but very well constructed article. Blames capitalism for a lot more than the price of bandwidth, says it like it is, and offers some resolution and forward thinking. What the hell happened to the awesome peer group who came up with a list of demands and funding resources in only one hour?

Have yet to read other chapters – But hope like hell they blame advertisers and global economy for all mental health issues. You think all the shootings are the States are co-incidence? You’re on drugs…..

The Wisdom of Psychopaths

What Saints, Spies, and Serial Killers Can Teach Us About Success

Very good book, highly recommend it. Good humour, and intelligent sort of writing. Like a scholarly version of me. Without ADhD.

When the Body Says No

Understanding the Stress – Disease Connection

I went from disbelieving of this to complete believer in the course of reading this and some other titles. Try “Physics in Mind” and other neurological books of serious nature and you will find that all of this is 100% not possible – but highly probable. Amazed, eye opening. Having just had a sister die, etc etc etc, this really does have a lot of valid points to make. Sensible is not good enough. It is sensible all right. It is entirely unbelievable that doctors continue to discourage this line of thought from their western medical models where they want to be “god” and diagnose a problem and hand out a cure. They should be looking at patients as LIVES. Not as OBJECTS.

Narcotics Anonymouse Handbooks

Service Material Handbooks

Free downloads of complete publications. Just click on link and make sure to tell them I sent you!

  1. [PDF]H&I Handbook – Narcotics Anonymous
    Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. 1. We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. We came to ask POSA for…
  2. [PDF]An Introductory Guide to NA – Narcotics Anonymous
    An Introductory Guide to Narcotics Anonymous, Revised. This is NA Fellowship-approved literature. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions reprinted for adaptation 
  3. [PDF]Narcotics Anonymous Step Working Guides
    The idea for this piece of literature came from the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship our fellowship, a sponsor is considered, first and foremost, a guide through 

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