Lawyer Stuff

Lawyery stuff from day 12 of methadone withdrawal.

(I sent this to the lawyers concerned and got a letter in the mail a week later saying
YOUR NEW LAWYER IS…. [someone whom I have used previously]
AWESOME. Without even requesting a change of lawyers from the Public “Defendants” Office, they gave me my private lawyer of choice anyway (well, he may be second or third choice, but I am not appearing on anything too serious, so am amazed they paid for a lawyer at all to be honest – I think they are just sick of me))

Guess I am avoiding doing anything serious (as was meant to be writing out serious Police complaint and court proceeding notes…). Seriously, serious just doesn’t sound happy. I am sans serious, therefore will write here, get it off my chest, feel achieved, and go and do something else. Like see what food tastes okay through the juicer.

Legal Aid NZ gave me legal aid this time.

This is a two edged sword. I have represented myself maybe half a dozen times in criminal matters and got “not guilties” on two Correction Department charges of failing to adhere to parole conditions (the corrections department lawyers actually stopped me outside as we were leaving and shook my hand and the senior said “very well argued Mr NZFiend, very well indeed” but stopped short of offering me real training), have got out of a six month loss of license for doing “sustained loss of traction” (big oval burnouts in public carparks) by providing simple evidence the Police overlooked (they overlooked it as I didn’t show them, and they wasted weeks on paperwork… Hah, suck it filth!) and have a “not guilty” on some drug possession charge that should have probably have been guilty. But justice, being what it is, is never really justice. It is weighed heavily against the accused individual. So this just levels the statistics a little.

In New Zealand we have a right leaning drunk government at the moment, whom took away proper “you chose a lawyer son, get yourself a real good un, and we’ll pay him” and introduced a public defendant model similar to the U.S.fucken.A.

This is headed in Wellington by Sandy BagEant whom used to be a good honest criminal lawyer but then started shafting people up the ass in order to get “successful plea bargain” on her record rather than “failed manslaughter defence”. This is the lawyer who is in charge of the public defendants office. And the lawyer they gave me is about 24.

He told me the court had stuffed up the dates and I was meant to be there on the 24th July. I laughed and went to walk off. He wanted me to hang around and appear to get a new remand until the next suitable court date.

WTF? Are you SURE?… I just about ran into the courtroom screaming “YOUR HONOUR, I DEMAND YOU DISBAR THIS MAN IMMEDIATELY”….

You want me to hang around, appear in front of a judge, make a voluntary appearance, get remanded and fill out paperwork all morning so that you actually SPEED UP proceedings? Fuck, go and learn some law. Go talk to John Miller. Even Val “all mouth and trousers” Nesbitt would not advocate that. Val is actually pretty good most of the time, other than when you’re locked up and relying on him. Actually, no, he did me a great favour or two back in the day, but let me down severely once. Overall B+. Good effort, but missed a few key points.

OKAY YOU SHORT ASS GRADUATE, at least take your graduation ceremony robes and hat off before coming to court next time (untrue, he had taken them off – He had a suitcase on wheels which contained the recently removed graduation garments)…. I am not going to hang around for that. I am not coming back in two weeks. I, however, will be there exactly when the court ordered. Fucksake.

You see, NZ had a huge problem with court backlogs. One time I kept fourteen charges going through court for almost two years. I was going to jail, so kept firing lawyers, getting another, changing pleas, sitting in accident and emergency claiming I had a broken toe nail or something (as long as I had medical clearance for missing court date, what could they do!)…….The judge finally just realised I had almost twenty cases going at once, and without warning lumped them together into a single file and said “no way you will ever get bail on this” But, your honour I am only here today for parking fines (or whatever it was) “nope, you have sentences ranging from fines to ten years imprisonment pending on some very serious matters, you are leaving the dock and being remanded in custody”. Hahahahahaa. Holy shit, bugger me! Most people are afraid of buggery in jail. I am more afraid of old men in long robes. Hahahaha.  And so started the first major withdrawal. My pit bull was in the car outside. The law stated that you could not adjust a persons medication whilst on remand. But did the Doctor care? Not on your life. Him and that Romancing Opiates author should have babies together and move to some island with a large fence… Hahahahhahaahahha.

That was years ago. Now they do certain things on certain days and the process is streamlined.They ship you in, you plead guilty fast, the judge gives you a third of the sentence for pleading guilty fast, and you’re out doing correctional work within a few days.

The “public defendants office” takes your lawyer away from you and gives you someone you don’t trust, who shafts you. But you get shafted legally with no redress.

When you represent yourself you can say a lot of shit that a lawyer cannot say.

I am not a lawyer. I have not trained. I do not know what is legal or not. I have an interesting idea of what is “Just” however, and will go on happily for hours in order to attain such.

Therefore I will say stuff like “but, your honour, the jury should hear that Jill told Jack that Jim had the drugs and not me because it is the truth” and even though the statement gets struck from the record the jury has heard that this guy Jim had the drugs, and not me. Even though Jack, Jill and Jim have not appeared today. You see – they cannot kick an accused out the courtroom, that is a mistrial and then you start clogging up the system.

Another thing about representing myself is that I can go on for hours. Recently I demanded three days to defend myself and made up three extra witness quickly off the top of my head. Truth is, I wanted three days to bore everyone to tears. They settled by giving me a “conviction and discharge” on a charge of my choosing. I told the original officer that I would end up pleading guilty to “careless use” and getting a discharge before he arrested me. He chose to spend weeks on paperwork, photos, witnesses and more paperwork that I didn’t even bother to read. He didn’t actually ask me what my defence was. I may have mislead him slightly if he had asked anyway…… Can’t trust the filth after all. So, he was clogged up for quite a while. As was the prosecuting lawyers, the police… And the court. I even stood in front of the judge and offered to take “careless” if the police would stop wasting the courts time with other matters. The judge put it to the police, who said no. The Police are responsible. I should claim expenses.

At all costs you are not allowed to clog up the system.

The system needs its cogs turning.

Which makes me wonder why they bother harassing me so much. Surely giving a guy a lift home should not result in a loss of licence. Surely you don’t have to take my license from me whilst I am on the way to hold my sisters hand as she dies and prevent me from seeing her? Surely you don’t need to kick in the door and arrest me in front of the funeral director? Surely you don’t need to take my license for another six months. Surely this is over the top when the original offense was just “having an unathourised passenger”.

They can suck it up and start getting a little clogged.

Justice.Govt.Nz needs a smack habit. It needs constipating.
You can help. Everyone needs to NOT TURN UP.
Think carefully about it. Do – Not – Turn – Up
If we all just didn’t turn up… The wheels wouldn’t just stop turning. They’d fall off.

And everyone would live happily ever after. 



Unlike the real “justice” service, I do provide justice. Sandy Baigent (correct spelling even) did, once, do some good for real justice. Turns out you have to be a family member…

One Wellington man, who cannot be named because of a confidentiality agreement, said he got “a few thousand” from police after they unlawfully detained him in his own home during a marital dispute about six years ago.

“Compensation is important because it holds them accountable.”

Police had never paid out money for breaching human rights until the landmark Baigents decision in 1993.

Two years earlier officers had unlawfully searched a home belonging to the mother of prominent Wellington defence lawyer Sandy Baigent, who had ordered police to leave. The Baigents eventually won their case in the Court of Appeal and received an undisclosed sum


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