Dairy of how to become a junky ADHD mess…

Anyways…Work it out for yourself…

Was going to ring you earlier but then just went to bed again… Been spending more than the usual amount of time in bed recently. It is the time of year for it – nothing to worry about. Just a little cold and winter bringing onset a wee depression, no doubt.

Promised Mum I would make her a new compost bin as Dad is dying slowly along with the rotted out fence she has been piling compost against for two decades.

Aren’t we all. Dying that is. His clock took on a new rhythm for a while recently… Just to be clear, this was not a old sixties dance hall classic number. More drumb and base poured into a blender with Motorheads final Ace Of Spades renditions…

Went down to Mum n Dads to measure up previously mention compost bin… To be made from wood, with my own hands. Would prefer to cut one from alloy and weld nowadays. Am enjoying my new tools and skills always need sharpening. Tools need sharpening and new skills? Half a dozen of one, six of the other. Some shit anyway…

Told Dad I was being operated on within four weeks of the doctor seeing my bum. Dad, as usual, without fail, without preamble, without thought for anyone outside his one square foot of universe,

“they have always got me in real quick, like the time I showed up with…..”

my judgement and memory may be clouded
with time, space and
interesting neurological experiments gone awry
nonetheless, seems like this is a reoccurring theme one cannot discount my memory and feelings as completely inaccurate)

“Dad, they only get you in quick if there’s emergency or something serious” was the somewhat necessary interruption.

Yet still he carried on about HIS operations.. Oblivious to fact, his fiction weighing heavily on the judge and jury of his own mind.

Having actually had more operating table excursions over my fourty years younger span of life, he doesn’t bother to remember anything about my issues, health or happiness. Nor, it seems, going so far as to suggest others problems have been trivial.

When he sees me wince with pain just standing still he says “oh, your back is getting like mine, hahahaha”. Yeah right, like he has had emergency spine surgery and pissed and poo’d himself walking to the hospital… Fuck he is such a self centred fuck…. Unbelievable… This is going to require a breath, a thought of something happy and a lot of self restraint. Would be nice to have that loverly Clarrissa here with some restraints, but she was already booked and tied up elsewhere…

So he tells me all about HIS for the hundredth time in as many visits. Tiresome in itself.

Interruption time again….

Must record one of these conversations. You may, even the most die hard retard apologist among you,  be sympathetic to that at least. He sure ain’t.

“So, you have any idea why they would get to me so quickly?” 

“I presume as they are quiet at the moment and I was seen in that amount of time after a doctor saw my collapsed viens in my……”

WTF? Are you serious? Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuckme, fukme, f’me….. Relaaaaaaaxxxxxx…. He may be just about dead and nothing is going to change the guy now, even if he did think anything about himself and his life was not perfect.


(well, I tried. Honest)

Dad, chastised for once. Not a pretty sight as it happens…
“I never said it was about me”


“I don’t know son, they see everyone as fast as they can…”

Remaining the calmest possible, given fourty years of this sort of conversation… Hell, you people reading it are bored of it already. Imagine the effect this has on a kid growing up, or indeed the fourty year old man still trying to grow up…


(funnily enough, also known as my sister, who died of Cancer May7th a few years ago aged less than me)

“Oh yes, he seemed nice… Although your sister argued with him, he knows his stuff. Top guy, really really clever…” …OMG

Really not bothering to remain calm in face of this much narcissistic stupidity DAD, WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE SEEING THE SAME GUY AS KATE ? WHY WOULD THEY OPERATE ON ME SO QUICK ? WHY AM I BOTHERING TO TELL YOU THIS AT ALL ?


“I don’t know Tony, they are a good hospital though…..”


Oh for fucksake, if he wasn’t already on the waiting list for the cremation table I would kill this bloody idiot…


Just in case he managed to avoid the point (as proven, he is quite bloody well capable)


THEY THINK I HAVE CANCER DAD. But I don’t. The really really really clever people and their two times through the MRI, the X-Ray, the Ultrasound, the various specialists including a muscular skeletal guy have it wrong.

However, I am going in Monday to sort out the procedure and am in Tuesday to have half the weight of my right arse cheek cut out… Will be good to get the bloody thing out. Even though it’s not cancer, it is annoying me more and more recently…


“Oh, why didn’t you tell us?”




Work it out yourself. Seriously.



Why on earth is life like this?

Life is not of this earth. Scientology has a point, if they are a couple of Boeing 727’s and an H Bomb short of a real off world picnic.

The real people whom are not of this planet are politicians denying people a quality of life.

People like Clarissa Broderick and the CCDHB Addict Disservices whom seem to make things worse for those at the bottom. I have had time to think recently. Twenty hours a day locked in a 2.5 x 4m concrete box does that to a guy with half a brain.

All the annoyance, all the unjust treatments. All the people whom have died with needless pain. Some have been my friends. Some have not.

I wish #LecretiaSeales had been. I wish we could all be as capable in putting forward our little beefs and ideas for our planet spaceship. It is all about evolution. To be a true Darwin follower you need a decent revolution.

Lecretia Seales, 1973-2015


I am saddened doubly to say I am stuck at home on 24/7 G.P.S monitored ankle bracelet and cannot attend funeral today. I would have been at the back. I would have done nothing. I would have known no one.

I just really want to show my respect.

I respect her greatly. 

Being outspoken and attempting to change old (ancient) attitudes towards the rights of the individual to have a say in their own quality of life is a noble thing.

So, for today, this is the only post I make. Even though there is so much to share after having just been released from jail to live at home 24/7 with a G.P.S ankle bracelet. 

For today is Lecretia’s day.

Even if the law makers and judges don’t give a fuck, I wanted to show that I do.

Gap or no gap.

Lecretia would have seen this ferry (in the video) everyday by looking out from Island Bay too. I grew up here. We are almost exactly the same age. The background photo of this silly graphic was shot by me roughly seven years ago when my kid was taken away from me and I went to jail. Life is a happiness deficit full of co-incidence.


Sixty Daze

It is now official. In a completely unofficial way. Sixty days. Went to the library, got out some more books… Looked up a few books on their computer system and then couldn’t find them on the shelves. Walked over to lady behind desk. Asked for help. Found books. Titles such as “The Wisdom of Psychopaths” (http://kevindutton.co.uk/ Your Psychopath Challenge score is high: 25 out of  a possible 33 ****) “Is there a PSYCHO in your life?“, “The Tender Cut” (self harm), Dyslexia and ADhD – The Miracle Cure started to pile up on her desk. She looked at me sideways.

“These are just random books”, I explained somewhat truthfully…. “I was actually here looking for stories about shipping movements…”

“Hahahah” says library chick, not at all convinced I am in the least sane. I smile. She looks scared. I remember my missing teeth and lack of shaving recently. I go sit quietly and make note to ignore her quietly from now on.

  • **** When most people think of psychopaths, Hannibal Lecter typically springs to mind! But actually, being psychopathic doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a serial killer – or even that you’ll break the law. Actually, within the framework of clinical psychology, a psychopath is someone with a distinct cluster of personality traits including charm, charisma, fearlessness, ruthlessness, narcissism, persuasiveness, and lack of conscience. Sure, these traits may well come in handy if you aspire to be an axe-murderer. But they can also come in handy in the courtroom, on the trading floor, or in operating theatre. It just depends on what else you’ve got going on in your personality, and the start you get in life. Another misconception about psychopaths concerns diagnosis. A lot of people think that you’re either a psychopath or you’re not, that it’s all very black and white. But this is not the case. In fact, psychopathy – like height, weight and IQ (to take just a few examples) – lies on a spectrum. Sure, at the sharp end you may well find your serial killers and axe murderers. But at the same time, all of us have our place at some point along the continuum. Some of us may score higher on some psychopathic traits than on others. But unless you score high on all of them, you don’t really have anything to worry about! (FROM http://kevindutton.co.uk/)
  • I like this Kevin Dutton guy. A lot more than I like the sound of HARE. Argh. Why do I have an opinion on this? Maybe it is as I scored over thirty out of fourty on the HARE PCL-R test and now I have got 25 out of 31 on this test too. But at least this guy recognises a sliding scale. I always score “well” for empathy and “consideration of others” sort of scores. So I figured this means I am capable of psychotic behaviours in the context of stressors being met. I have now found someone who agrees with this thought. Maybe… (THOUGHTS from my own blog…)

And then Mum rings, she wants to have lunch “together”

“Together” with Mum is an odd thing. Together never really happens. It sounds nice in principle but is never fully 100% achieved. She talks to you. You talk to her. She doesn’t listen. You get annoyed. You get reminded why you have issues in the first place. A Dad that openly claims “nothing I did could have changed the way you grew up, look at your sister…” is not much of a help. But Mum. Well, she is special.

She can tune out half way through a sentence.

The lady sitting next to us in the cafe was astounded. I said (and I have learnt over the years to use very short sentences and constantly make sure Mum is still pretending to be paying attention…) ….

“Hey Mum, this Irish surgeon doctor I know just organised a strike back home in Ireland as some of the junior doctors over there have been committing suicide due to work stress..”

Oh my, that’s terrible. Where? Here in New Zealand? That’s terrible.”

You see — Mum hears me say “Hey Mum” (see focuses on me and gives me some attention). She then hears “garble garble garble doctor garble suicide garble stress”.

Her brain then flicks in and thinks “hey, you could be interested in this, say something to show you’re interested” and out pops “oh my, that’s terrible” (not really understanding what is terrible) and then remembers I said something about a location… “Where, in New Zealand?”

This happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I CONVERSE WITH MY MUM. She seems to treat me special with this.

The lady next to me looks at me sideways.

“No Mum. In IRELAND. I wish you would listen sometimes.”

“Well, too bad. I can’t have a personality transplant you know”

The lady next to us looks away somewhat wide eyed now. I stand up and find a toothpick. I return and decide to broach the subject of ADHD.

“Hey Mum… I finally have an appointment to see someone who knows about adult ADhD”


“ADhD Mum. Maybe if I had worked it out or even been diagnosed with something years ago the system could have got into gear, saved millions on court costs, jail and drug addiction treatments. The only trouble is the psychiatrists in NZ think it is hereditary.”


I decide to forget 90% of what I said and answer the “Huh?” with what I want to say.

“Turns out that you don’t get ninety odd criminal convictions for some really stuffed up stuff if you’re all okay Mum…”


“Turns out a lot of it is attachment theory in origin.”

“I got you these brochures for a cancer grief counsellor….”

Mum hands me brochures for a cancer grief counsellor. The lady next to us is probably thinking about ringing DOCTOR PHIL, JEREMY KYLE and OPRAH.

 I thought seriously about telling her about the two old junky mates I have who are currently in hospital having their livers radiated, sliced and diced. They both have liver cancer. They have advised me, ever so helpfully, that I am not far behind.

I reckon Mum can go to the U.K and see her 99 year old Mum who is going to die any day without this knowledge.

That is interesting. Although me and my sister talked about death a little (she never talked about it with anyone else I found out after her death) we always talked as though it was us both dying. I conveyed my out of body and death experiences. She was more concerned about my liver (Hep status) and me getting treatment than I was.

But we had some good laughs about Dad surviving all of us. The old chain smoking, alcoholic, controlling, blood pressure ridden, unhealthy, lazy, white man who has had two ruptured bowels, most of his joints replaced and is constantly winging about everything.

Yes, him.

He is going to out live us all. He will then die as no one will be around to cook diner.

DAY59 – Counting the hours until the 60 day keyring kicks in

Awesome. Almost sixty days. That is an effort. A good effort even. Something that I should pat myself on the back for. God knows that being an adopted, ADhD drug addled mess would dictate that no one else ever would bother.

I wonder if it has anything to do with my genes?  My hereditary genes, that is.  Being adopted and growing up with my foster family was one thing.  Being told that we had a crazy gene that ran in our biological family was another thing altogether.  In all honesty, it provided an answer for me.  I can’t remember whether I was shocked, or whether I was relieved when I was first told the truth.  All I remember was jumping for joy inside because, as tragic as it was, knowing that I had crazy aunt’s and uncle’s everywhere made me feel not so alone with my wackiness.

Used without permission from http://theyoyoblogger.com

Permission is for pussy’s.

Genes? Very little actually. The psychiatrists will dissagree, but they are just drug company rep’s in drag.

It is all inter-generational hand me downs from your primary care givers. In the sense of feelings and attachment, not genes. No matter what they say, they do not show you the same kind of care as they show to their “Real” offspring. It is just not possible. On some level, way deep down, like further down than they realise themselves… Like right down… Where the sun don’t shine… That far down. And then take it further. That is where you will find the actual real attachment and development that occurs within our brains and dictates our behaviours.

You can take a person and ask them questions about their upbringing. You can predict with almost 100% accuracy how their children will behave at 1 year old (attachment or lack of to mother / father and the stressors shown when that attachment is broken and / or restored…) and then how that child will be placed and presented in society at age 21. No shit. I talk the truth here. These studies have been done many times. Always with the same result.

(I know, I know, those of you who read more than one sentence of my drivel will be sick of this link by now …)

The human genome project is basically a pile of crap.

A book I recently read suggested the genome project is like a schools consice Oxford dictionary. It has all the words of Shakespear, Dickens or Freda Patangata, but it does not have the method, the prose, the complicated plot that makes us up as humans.

The mind controls the body. The body controls the mind. Like a muscle you use a lot, it gets bigger and stronger. My wanking hand is stronger than my writing hand. It is good to have options mind you. Although my writing is not too good with my right.

The actual results of gene research are useful, but really garbage when placed in relationship to the effects of stress (and external stressors) over multiple generations.

You could have a “breast cancer gene” but never actually have breast cancer. However, if you have environmental factors, the gene AND the stress which means your immune functions don’t work all that well and cannot be bothered attacking the mutating cancer cells then you are pretty much going to get breast cancer. Without fail really. Almost completely predictably. But no one cares until you have it. Then you die. And everyone writes stuff like “hey, awesome lady – always putting others first, was always there when we needed her, never got upset, was the best person ever…” But all this goes to show that she had repressed her anger and her lack of positive emotional attachment when being raised… Blow your fuse. Fly off the handle. It is long term beneficial.

You can get breast cancers WITHOUT the “breast cancer gene” by the way.

So the damn drug companies and corporate greed structure that support the genome project are constantly updating the news media with their latest “finds”. This insures their stocks go up, the money keeps coming in, and the status quo of “haves” and “have nots” is enforced further.

Simply put, it is ‘HEALTHY, POSITIVE LIVING.’Sounds so corny, but I want it soooo badly.  And I will get it.  I will!  Maybe not next week, or the week after.  Or even the week after that.  But in time.  All in good time.

….the-lifestyle-overhaul-challenge-update/ again, without persmission…. Sounds exactly like every “positive affirmation” book sleeve, self help book or narcotics anonymous brochure… There is something in this crap. It’s embarrasing to admit… But I would be embarrased to admit it if my Dad was not such an ass.

It is clearly demonstrated that WORK STRESS is the LARGEST CONTRIBUTING FACTOR to heart disease. Yet, go talk to your doctor and they will scan you for cholestoral build up and advise a healthy snack rather than a pie for lunch.

Nothing wrong with a health snack, rather than a pie. But hey, maybe the healthy snack actually helps you relax somewhat? Somehow? This is a true holistic approach to health. This IS NOT PROFITABLE.

War is.


It may even be positive.

But only if the millions it kills are those that currently “have”. The “have nots” should go hide in the hills somewhere. With Tama Iti, but without bare bums.

The biggest divider of health statistics in modern capitalist societies is DISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH.
But, so saying that =- Those with identical incomes have a different rate of early onset heart disease. And it is not those who eat more pies… The statistics show that the BOSS on the same salary as the MIDDLE MANAGER will not get heart disease. The MIDDLE MANAGER will.

It is not the pies fault.

Self Esteem, Addict, Cancer & Stools

N.A daily reading is annoying me this morning. Might be time to stop sounding like a stuck record and either join N.A or fuck off from N.A. But this perch on the fence is still quite comfortable. Even with the wind and the earthquakes…

Over sensitivity, insecurity and lack of identity are often associated with active addiction.

Many of us carry these into recovery; our fears of inadequacy, rejection and lack of direction do not disappear overnight…

One of the miracles of recovery is recognition of ourselves… We need to let go of our masks and trust ourselves.

Okay, so I missed out a lot of the stuff, but the general jist is there.

They (N.A Führers) have covered their arses with “often associated” in the first line. And everything from there on in makes sense. It all comes back to self esteem for N.A. They are suggesting that ;

  • Addiction is a DISEASE (it isn’t)
  • Self Esteem is a SYMPTOM (*) we need to fix to recover

Interesting really. Self esteem issues follow us into recovery (according to N.A).

* — This is where their clever little “often associated” comes into it. They make this “programme” to suit as many fucked up individuals as they can. Some of whom are very clever, some of whom are not so. Covering bases and covering arses on such tricky topics is complex, and they have done a good job.

I would say that, if we blame self esteem for everything – and they are not far off the mark ;

  • Self esteem is the DISEASE
  • Addiction is the SYMPTOM

If we treat the self esteem by clearing the mind of its underlying mental health “pain & suffering” then we cure the addiction.

This does not mean the addict can go using again. The idea we can go using for a few days a week here or there is good, but risky. I ain’t willing to try it, and I have reasonable will power. Would an ex-smoker be allowed to spend a weekend smoking? I think not….

Let’s take all this a step further. Let’s say that mental health issues caused via attachment (or lack thereof) linger throughout life. They are what make us US. Without these little issues, we are completely different people.

The woman who devotes her whole life “selfishly to the causes of others” may have a nice funeral and a great headstone. But was she really happy doing this? Is it possible her need to help others was because she was not whole inside? YES YES and YES.

This would probably mean she developed undiagnosed breast cancer and died from related illness at age fifty.

I kid you not. The immune system responses to mutating cancer cells would be limited by the effects of the more than apathetic responses her internal systems would be able to create after years of being switched off, or switched on wrongly.

The saying “only the good die young” was used at my sisters funeral by one of her best mates when talking to me quietly afterwards. I nodded. This saying is completely apt actually. My sister was good. Well liked, would go out of her way for others. Etc etc. She died of lung cancer at age 37. She never smoked. She did over excersize in London and suck in a lot of horrible car fumes in the process. She may have had a lot of repressed emotions – god knows she was always active and doing things all the time. What drove her, I don’t know. She was popular, pretty enough and very hard working. In other words, GOOD.

She died young.

She died single. She died with no child. She died owing about half the cost of her house. Her house needed a lot spent on it. She died after coming back to New Zealand and not being her usual 100% self. I noticed it, she was a bit slower, a little out of sorts. She was dead a year later. But, typically, when diagnosed and prognosed, she decided to hang around for her best mates wedding (made that, and looks beautiful in the photos even though she was doing chemo and had scars all over her neck and chest from surgeons cutting) and then wanted to do a few things in Europe, did those. Then wanted to come back to New Zealand. She did that. Then she went and died. I think we could have got another six months out of her if my daughter was ten years older and had told her she was getting married!

I cannot quite join the dots on her mental health and her death. But I saw enough during her death to see that she was still wanting to be in control all the time. She would not relax, she always put on a brave face. She would be annoyed at having to ask for help. She always had time for her friends before herself. These are traits that her friends admired greatly – we both have these in big quantities. And yet I am adopted.

This is where I think it is time to admit my saving grace.

Thank god I was on opiates and benzo’s for twenty five years. Without hiding my emotions behind all of those I would probably have contracted and died from prostate cancer by now. No shit. Tell you about this another time.

That isn’t to say I am healthy, far from it. But far from dead too…

So, being angry, having too much hormones. Not enough hormones. All these things, and plenty more, have effect on the bodies immune system. Not to mention the well being and health of the organism we live in – Our bodies.

There are so many auto immune type problems that may be caused simply by problems of the brain. The brain effects the organism via various routes. If you are high strung, for example, are you fat or skinny? High strung is a good phrase too – High strung in brain, and high strung in tendons I would say! It’s not rocket science for fucksake. It’s neuro science. It’s all sorts of science. But it’s really common sense. If you are high strung, you are going to end up with a high strung problem. If you are lazy, you are going to end up fat and with heart disease. Maybe. Is being overweight and dying of related illness a disease, or is the fatness caused by some mental difficulty? Just saying.

No rudeness intended. I am a Scottish Irish Maori (1% Maori) who is pretty white and has red hair. I have a bit of a blood pressure issue and a short fuse. Stereotype much? Dead at sixty from cancer or heart failure. Will have arthritic hands and joints by fifty. The skin on back of hands will grow scaley. Bald spot by fourty, long eyebrows by fourty five and no hair by fifty five. Will get red nose, split vains and have major joint, tendon and cartilage issues. Will lead a life some consider mad unless finding a good woman to control him. How’s that for stereo typing? And, at the end of the day, it is probably about right. Everyone knows the red haired kid is a time bomb waiting to go off. Everyone.

I cannot say his name, but a famous actor used to come to N.A all the time. He got Parkinsons. Some would link his underlying mental status health with this disease. 

I would too.

Without re-writing another book (I am excellent at re-inventing the wheel – this has been proven) I will cut myself off here.

Please feel free to ask questions or tell me I am loony. But I do think my sister died of lung cancer because of the way she lived her life through the effects of her upbringing. Even if it was being overly health concerned.

Riding a bike and running marathons every week in London traffic is not that healthy at its most obvious level.

Why she thought it was is another question.


And now it is time for me to collect some stool and get needles stuck in my arms for blood taken out. GP thinks a stool test will show what is wrong with my stomach region.

Wow – A legit reason to talk about poos. I could go on for hours…

Nothing at all, move along sir.

Wow. Looks like someone went to a bit of effort here. I think they must have used a bold font by mistake. If it was me, I would have taken a photo of the sign to get the correct font. Unless, of course, it was measured up at night time, in which case I give the creator my heartfelt sympathy.

Glad to see others agree with me. Chur. I bet you this was Ian Curtis… Or Rob Thorne… You know who you are.

What the hell am I, NZFiend, going to rave on about this fine morning?

        1. Lack of sleep ; TICK
          Not a lot of sleep happening still. Got to bed at 1am, totally wide awake from about 5am. Feel quite refreshed and good though. Which, according to all psych people known to man, is a sign of complete madness. Choice.
        2. Toilet stops ; TICK
          Although it has been thirty five or thirty six days the runny intestine thing is still going on bit. Took no ulcer drug this A.M. Was great, being able to eat straight away without having to wait half an hour. Makes me wonder where the time is going to come from to type this rubbish into the net. Soon I will be out and about all day everyday. Which brings us to….
        3. ADhD ; TICK
          Well, maybe I would not be out making a mess of the world if the people who can do something to help would do something to help. However briefly. It is worth a try. What is the cost of some stupid ritalin or whatever over the cost of ongoing stupidity…? If the ritalin (or whatever) doesn’t work, then at least it was tried. FFS.

I am going to comment on this…


Renowned Doctor Gabor Maté on Psychedelics and Unlocking the Unconscious, From Cancer to Addiction

Drug addiction expert speaks on the mind-body connection and the medical and emotional potentials of psychedelics.
As someone who suffered severe migraines and should have been epileptic to some degree (both my other “real” sibling were / are – one drowned in bath because of gran mal episode…) I was intrigued that after first trying LSD-25 in young teen years that I had no more migraines or issues with light > eyes > dizzy spells. This has come back a little in recent years, but that is over twenty years later.
The good doctor, Gabor Maté, whom  I have been harping on about since the beginning of time, has been mucking around with psychedelics in various treatment processes for a while. Similar to the rather crudely performed tests in the late sixties (patients were supervised for far too short timeframe and then left to their own devices on quite high doses of LSD – What do you think is going to happen?!!!) there were other, more beneficial tests that quietly got swept under the carpet.

Talk about flashbacks. New research suggests thatLSD — a mind-altering drug known to cause recurrent hallucinations — may find new popularity not as a recreational drug but as a treatment for alcoholism.

In a study published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology, researchers affiliated with the Norwegian University of Science and Technology and Harvard University looked at the results of six studies of LSD, conducted between 1966 and 1970, that were largely overlooked when they were first published. The researchers found “evidence for a clear and consistent beneficial effect of LSD for treating alcohol dependency,” according to a written statement released by the journal’s publisher.

Three views of the LSD molecule. LSD -25. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

And sobering up wasn’t the only apparent benefit of LSD the vintage research showed, according to the statement. As the author of one of the studies wrote at the time, “It was not unusual for patients following their LSD experience to become much more self-accepting, to show greater openness and accessibility, and to adopt a more positive, optimistic view of their capacities to face future problems.”

Maybe that’s not surprising, given how LSD works. By affecting so-called “serotonin receptors” in the brain, the drug is known to alter imagination and perception. And if you want to know what that feels like, take a look at the black-and-white footage above — purportedly shot in Los Angeles in 1956 — in which a woman recounts her own acid trip.

“I’ve never seen such infinite beauty in my life,” she says in the video. “It’s like a curtain or a spider web. Can you see it? Everything is so beautiful and lovely and alive.” – From Huggington Post (with links to BBC news, UK – www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/09 – Click on it)

Now, I am presuming that everyone has had a good acid trip or two in your time. At least some real strong mushrooms then. Not the fly agaric ones… Too strong they are. Only take if you want to play at being god for a while….

Rightiho… I don’t need to explain the effects or the possibility of this sort of thing being good for your adult thought processes and teaching you things about yourself and your relationship to the planet and other life forms travelling with. I did mention once that a good trip saw me seeing the emotions of tree’s and even had me feeling sorry for the gravel on the road under joggers feet. I don’t know what the early morning joggers thought of me and two girls laying on the road looking at gravel they had just left foot prints in, but who cares. Stuff them and their Nike’s.

So, there are plenty of good results from using drugs of this nature to open pathways through your noggin that otherwise would struggle to send little shots of electricity from one bit to the other bit. The old wheels upstairs are turning. And some of them need a bit of oil. Feeling empathy with gravel is a little off the beaten track. Suggest keeping your head at least four inches from the ground. Otherwise grass could become scary and gravel could become piles of dead bodies from some large scale war. My war had horses and the odd gun. Red coats. It was real. And the joggers Nike killed Colonel Custard for me.

Rule one when tripping – Always have a baby sitter, someone who trips, who has taken a small dose (just to be social) or no dose at all. Rule two when tripping – Do not allow your head to rest on the ground. Keep focused on bigger pictures.

Gabor Maté has been doing work with AYAHUASCA, a plant product seen in photo. 

Okay, Yahoo it (or better yet use www.ixquick.com search engine, SERIOUSLY PEOPLE! You have been warned…)

I guess Gabor is using this plant rather than LSD as it is easier to get around the law makers in Canada nowadays... Or something similar.

Gabor worked in palliative care for seven years before working with addictions for over a decade. He is one of the foremost thinkers on the causes of ADhD, addiction and the place in the world of such people.

His works include a few great titles that everyone at Wellington Addict Disservices should be forced to read.  Bloody seriously, I kid you not. I probably know more about addictions than the bloody addictions people do, and I have not even read his main title on the subject yet.

I am going to buy copies and send them to Sam McBride etc. You watch.

But now Gabor has moved off into new tangents of his work. I have also been reading books like Rethinking Madness and Physics In Mind. Even the NeuroScience and Religeon book agrees with just about everything. All three books end up almost agreeing with eachother on just about everything. Physics in Mind is the bible of how the brain works at this point for me. There are articles on Neuronal Synchronization during Competition for Access to Consciousness as example. This is interesting, in context.

All you have to understand really is that the brain works, and all these clever people are working out how. Most of Gabors research up until now has been largely proven beyond doubt – that is, that anyone with all the facts cannot argue his outcomes.

UNTIL NOW you say NZFiend?

Yes, until now.

Now Gabor is saying (please just read the whole article if you want to know exactly how and why he is saying it – I agree with everything he has researched and looked into whole heartedly, he is a far more knowledgeable and intelligent man than I)

“… look at Cancer and Addiction as two adaptations to stress…..”

Hang about Doc, are you saying that cancer is caused by external stresses and part of our coping mechanism with the stresses actually causes cancer?

Pretty much, I think that is what he is saying. He goes on to explain how he reaches these conclusions. Again, you cannot argue with his thought process or methodology.

I cannot argue with the idea that suppressing feelings of anxiety, annoyance (let us say your husband is a complete dork and you just put up with it for fifty years, get cancer and die worrying about how he will look after himself when you die…) or other strong stresses would decrease the bodies natural ability to fight and be healthy. There are many examples of exactly this happening, too many to be co-incidence, definitely.

But, I am going to argue my sisters case here.

She may have been hiding some resentment at something all these years. She was single, didn’t have a child. That could be a major regret. A major stress? She died age 37 of lung cancer. She never smoked a cigarette, other than in those pubs and clubs via second hand smoke. But what she did do was be too healthy. She ate normally, did everything normally really – other than ride her bike or run everywhere she could. I have a sneaky suspicion this is what killed her.

She was living and working in London. Riding a bike, huffing and puffing, opens up all those little bits of the lung… Every breath you take goes right in there. Right to the very end of the system. Right down into the little little bits. Where, no matter how much you cough, the car exhaust never comes out.

Gabor does a very good job of showing examples of how his theory fits in with selected people (whom are all now dead)… But it does not alone provide the answer for whom is going to get cancer. Cancer is caused by environmental factors, combined with Gabors theory of stresses.

Stresses will limit or allow the production of immune system responses.

Even at the lowest level… Uhm, say, uhm…  You are depressed, so you don’t eat enough veges. The veges help the body process certain toxins and spit them out.

Some would say you have not eaten your veges so you got cancer in your intenstine.

Gabor would say you were too stressed to eat your veges.

I say STOP SMOKING CIGARETTES AND SUCKING ON CAR EXHAUST FUMES. Go home, take some LSD, and eat your veges.