EMAIL from a blog reader… And ball kids at pro footy game…

wpid-img_20141120_101621.jpg

Astounding me is the ability of service providers to tell the Government that health consumers are happier than ever (etc etc)… Apparently the consumers have a “strong” input into services and the changing of the way services are provided.

What a load of shit.

I get email from readers of my blog sometimes. And all the people I talk to on the street. I just got one such email from a guy “S” whom has contacted me before. We have all the same issues as eachother. As does other people. Mr “A”, whom really hates the services in Wellington and has talked about burning the building… Same stories. Every where. ALL THE TIME.

If only 1% of service users say “they are happier with the service” the Government will be told “more people than ever are happier with our services“. The truth is NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON WAS POSITIVE ABOUT THE SERVICE LAST YEAR. 1% NOW SAY THEY AREHAPPIER“.

This is a positive to the people that need the Governments money.

To the rest of us, it is a load of old bullocks.

Another person whom supports me and the crap I do has been writing.

Another “S” has been in Mental Health Ward again recently. He “suicided” late last week and was taken off life supports today. He is breathing for himself for first time. Send him your love. 

All these stories just don’t stop.

They keep coming. And the way the service providers deal with them has got worse.

Yet, they must show growth in this capitalist world. And that they are.

ASSHOLES.

All these stories just don’t stop.
Yet, I am the only one attempting to bring them to you?

Phoenix Wellington Football Soccer

My daughter was a ball kid at the big game on Friday night. Being parent helper was awesome too. Got a pass to go ANYWHERE in the stadium, but just stood on the field near the left hand corner flag. You can see me on tv replays filling up the back of some shots with computer game tattoo’d arms.

The best part of the night… The PHOENIX event organiser comes past and asks if the kids are behaving themselves.

YES” says me

Oh really, WHAT ABOUT YOU?” she says somewhat too encouragingly…

ME? I feel you need to give my arse a decent hard slapping

After a quick look of shock passes, “Heheheeh, you may be held to that….

Made a new friend there……… A little worried the microphones stationed only a few foot away picked it up on TV broadcast. But hey, she chuckled without ill feeling when I mentioned that possibility and we really should have swapped numbers. Although that may allow her many beaus to find ways to smash me…….

 

…….

I am having a TOTALLY SHIT DAY TODAY.

Sometimes I just feel useless. I saw less of my daughter over the school holidays than I do during normal weeks. Combinations of being arrested, other childrens’ birthday party plans and football have left me feeling lonely and useless. Some friends (girls mainly) appear to have ditched me having not replied to any contact from me… One girl I really like, for she really does think and help others, has flown the coup.

So, I go and visit Dad.

The same Dad whom always argues, always tells me I am wrong. Always told me I am ugly.

Just why I would go to my parents house for the first time in months when I need some family and love is beyond me.

What a fucken stupid thing to do.

Now am just getting through the day without doing anything stupid. When your definition of stupid has widened to include “getting out of bed” you know you’re in trouble.

Lucky I have a kid and no drug addictions. Means you just have to look positively.

Self harm is not beyond us. Any of us.

death

…………….

repco

Twenty years ago I was involved with doing some of the first live internet broadcasts out of New Zealand.

http://www.racetothesky.co.nz was one of them.

MONSTA HAS JUST CRASHED OUT OF THIS EVENT.

I should have been there. But, then again… Maybe not. Running around these events, using drugs, perving and inhaling jet fuel…

Triggers.

Better off staying at home feeling like the world sucks.

For it does.

 

 

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I am a real brother.

KATEAlthough currently listening to BROTHERHOOD OF MAN by MOTORHEAD quite loud at 8am in my block of flats, I feel this is somewhat tame.

Today is the deathday of my sister, Kate. Her birthday is later this year.

Dug up this graphic I did for the cover of the memorial service prints. Also did the inside, the back, the inserts. But, this graffix will suffice for these crappily written and ill thought pages.

You can see the house we grew up in behind the beach. You can see my car (most importantly, of course) too.

We had some good times on this beach.

I am a real brother.

Life was starting to take a new turn before Kate came back from the U.K weighing something like 35kg (she should have been 60 I would say). Kate ran, she biked, she walked, she sailed, she toured the world.

She is scattered in New Zealand.

Gabor Maté once corrected me when I suggested us ADhD types had “SHATTERED MINDS”. He was quick to point out the differences between SHATTERED and SCATTERED.

Kate is shattered.

I am attempting to spend the day SANS-SHATTERED myself.

Football training last night did my head in. Pulling my hair out. Twenty boisterous ten year olds to control. Is it wrong to diagnose ADHD, ANXIETY and other personality disorders whilst coaching your teams? I think not. WHY DO I HAVE TWENTY KIDS TO LOOK AFTER WHEN I HAVE TROUBLE WITH MY OWN ONE TEAM ANYWAY?!!! I got annoyed. I could not get them to listen for fourty five minutes. Finally they started getting it. One group of kids (my daughter was in this group)  started doing it properly almost straight away. The worst listeners… Well… The drill was to only kick the ball twice and PASS. The worst listeners were still dribbling the ball (one kid kicked 17 times!) AFTER TWENTY MINUTES. The worst listeners got their football taken off them… I then kicked the football as far as my back allows (about 60 metres) and they had to run and get it. If they did not run there and back, I would take it off them and kick it just as far the other direction. 

Something to be said for military style ADHD interventions.

Any Comments Gabor? Am sure my spiritual advisor would kick my arse. With a potentially penetrating appendage on her toes.

This took away my happy mojo. Went to a social gathering, did not see anyone I recognised immediately, so turned and left. Was only there thirty seconds. If that.

Guess I am a real brother.

Guess I do have some stress around my sisters death.

Guess I am okay.

Guess life and time changes.

Guess I am healing.

Guess I am recovering.

 

God, Grant, Me and the spaceship, Serenity

It is wet and wild outside.
Love to have a coffee and go for a walk.
I have no milk, but ate a can of tuna.
And, couldn’t help myself.

Just started waving the mouse around my old Photoshop 7…
I present to you….

God, Grant, Me & the spaceship, Serenity

You cannot see the picture that small. Click on it.

The good ship Serenity as from 2002 TV show “Firefly” and the 2005 movie “Serenity

(explanation added as people were just not making sense of it)
(which amazes me. Did you all not make sense of the Little Green Men posts I made?!!!)

Wow, I got some email from a blog reader!

Some more mail. This is excellent. It wasn’t even asking me if Lorde is on drugs. Shame. Secretly I think she is.  So there.

This guy is concerned his mate is having seizures when not consuming alcohol. He asked for a bit of advice.

I am not a doctor (and therefore have no barrow to push)… This is what I said…

Hey there mate, BENZO’s are your friend here. Valium, Halcion (my personal old friend – duh, I mean favourite…) or even the commonly prescribed recent ones like Zopiclone.

Be very careful – The GP’s are all clowns and think that Zopiclone has little abuse or addiction potential. It is more addictive, and faster so, than ValiumWhenever they bring out a new drug they say all these wonderful things about it. But then turns out to be marketing crap. FIle class action lawsuits and sign me up. Don’t tell the Doctors that Zopiclone is just as bad as their old “evils” as they may stop prescribing it and do even more damage!
 
 
It’s a bugger really. If you have seizures due to alcohol withdrawal, you will probably have similar withdrawal effects from the benzo’s. The benzo’s are easier to maintain (with a prescription) and are also less damaging to vital body organs (the brain being one of them!) but are really so similar to alcohol in many regards that your head may not work out the difference.
 
It may be a bit much to ask most GP’s, but having an injection of Propofol (the shit that killed Micheal Jackson), Lorazapam, Midazolam (benzos) or similar will help during acute episodes. (Midazolam = Awesome by the way.)
 
Using small amounts of benzo is probably not a bad idea in the slightest. 
 
Otherwise, go and check out some of the anti-abuse products (ugly, but effective by all accounts) 
 
Like I said, I ain’t a doctor. No advice I give should be acted upon without very much consideration given to the fact that I am a bona fide drug crazed psychopath.
 
 
Yours Sincerely, and with leather whip in hand,
NZFiend

Relaxation is…

Finally meeting a psychiatric professional whom knows what the hell they are talking about and then coming home to fire up WordPress.

Serenity? Not quite. She is still hiding behind the bike sheds with the other boys. I will get a turn one day.

 

Right now, this is close. Have Marilyn Manson, MOBSCENE, playing real loud and sitting down in front of WordPress for the first time in a while.

Have been putting a lot of thought into ADDICTION PREVENTION, with particular attention to young people. Am drawing blanks. Unfortunately the only real answers appear to be moving to communal living. Which suits me just fine. For my social housing designs. That may or not happen. But then they will just be ignored by all the politicians and “powers that be” anyway.

So, tried to get my car roadworthy test done. Failed. Have a couple of things to look at. Easy enough. If I could be bothered I would fix them right now. The best brake pads are on the other car, which has gone up country dropping the tattooist children back to god knows where.

I was really lucky. My higher power was looking out for me today. I cleaned out the car so the guy who checks the car for the test would see a “nice tidy” vehicle. I found an appointment slip for the meeting with the ADhD psych person. I would have missed the appointment entirely otherwise,

Lucky.

It went quite well. Talked a lot about past drug use mind you. This is quite off topic and a waste of time for me. But she had to put some ticks in some boxes I guess.

Since discovering that having a coffee before bed actually helps me get to sleep…………. Well, who cares?

I feel good someone finally listened and knew what they were talking about. She asked why I was there. I said I wanted someone whom knew what they were doing to kick my ass and give me the insight and the skill to deal with myself.

She wrote down some stuff for me to look up. I was expecting some counsellors or something.

note9Nope. Not counsellors names. Unless they have the most rubbish names known to man.

She sent me home with blood test forms. Fasting for glucose levels… She decided I have too much adrenaline, am anxious and depressed and, more than likely, have more than enough states and traits to be tried on various amphetamine medications. 

Which is kind of shit.

But, if it works. I don’t care, HOOK ME UP. I like crystal meth as much as the next guy. Just for slightly different reasons.

The first, Methylphenidate is spelt wrong. Obviously this is some sort of a test to check my I.Q level.

Dexamphetamine is really similar, but is really called Dextroamphetamine according to WIKI. And WIKI should know. Wiki is the best.

Atomoxetine has been discovered and discounted in this blog already. Mainly due to liver issues.

This psych lady was very good actually. She was worried about my “addict” status and that I have obviously easily become addicted in the past. My only real answer is that “I have been an addict a lot of times because I have voluntarily withdrawn from drugs a lot of times. I know what withdrawal is. I know what addiction is. I know what self medication is. I can promise you that I will not present as a problematic drug user if I just have to swallow a pill every now and then. It’s a supply chain dynamic issue.”

She looked as though she wanted my good self removed forcibly.

Who could blame her? She had spent an hour an a half with me. I tried to get everything out. And failed.

She started putting her hand up like a “HALT” sign made by law enforcement agencies the world over. It works. I am going to have to tell everyone I meet to hold a hand up in “HALT” style whenever they feel like it.

This could work brilliantly.

It could also be a complete pain in the ass.

Mental Health Ward Narcotics Anonymous Meeting

Bloody awesome. Feel real good right now. Meetings are meant to last one hour, but I got there a little late after a big day meditating on car parts.

Had decided to go rip out some seriously heavy (90kg) parts from the back of a wagon out the Hutt. Had a busy morning. Took a few old bikes to the free bike workshop place in town, took some scrap metal to the recyclers. Beautiful sunny day in Wellington.

You can’t beat Wellington on a good day.

The tattooist guy wanted to borrow the 1999 Ford wagon to go pick his kids up for the holidays. So I decided he could help me remove these parts. Having done these parts myself half a dozen times before, I know damn well how hard it is and how heavy they are.

Thank f ck he is a tattooist.. He did well enough, he has big hands, and is no slouch in the melon department, but thank f ck he is a tattoist. Not a mechanic. 

I was the one who had to crawl under the car cracking nuts and bolts. I am not that strong, but can surprise you when needs arise. It’s more a willpower thing than an actual strength thing. Here is a photo of my bath. I took my dirty clothes off and threw them in the bath whilst I had a shower. I don’t think his clothes would have made the water in the least opaque.

bath

We never fail to have a really loud laugh when we’re together. Sometimes even it is me who gets us laughing. Told him he was being paid $50 to help me for a few hours. Then, once he had helped, told him I was charging him $60 for borrowing the car. Turns out he’s a big softy, didn’t punch me at all. Cares for, and has empathy for everyone and everything. But you’d never get him anywhere near the mental health meeting.

No fucken way.

But who does go to the meeting is fast turning into my favourite person met through N.A. Astute, well read and keeps an open mind to learning stuff. We have little differences, mainly due to what we have read stating conflicting arguments, but if I was her I would listen to me. If I am me (and I am) I would listen to her. And I do. This is good. A kind of mutual respect thing which I am still trying to work out if it’s one sided. She may be just humouring me. She has more to do with Sam “I put my penis in my dyson all the time and have no time for addicts” McBride than I ever have. Have a sneaky suspicion that he is not top of the pops on her Christmas card list.

That is where we are different. He is top of the list on mine. He will get the Christmas card full of sloppy dog poo mind you.

Honesty. Is it the best policy?

Not all the time goddamit. 

So, this ward meeting. Same two mental health ward victims as were there last time.

Bloody brilliant. Not a brilliant N.A meeting as such, if you consider it against a perfect model N.A meeting. However, was brilliant. In the sense that I feel good, others feel good, and the message that N.A helps is getting out there.

I got asked to share by the “boss”. As she read out the rules of the meeting I / we decided to write up a user friendly introduction to the ward meeting that can be printed out and given to the staff and left on the ward for patients to peruse at their leisure. Every meeting we spend a number of minutes trying to clarify how the meetings are supposed to work. This works fine with older people, or the less insane, but in the world of short attention spans that is Ward 27 it is a stretch to get the point(s) through.

Our subject today (as it has been three out of four times at mental health meetings) was “anger”. I think I made sense. Somewhat. (Cheesy grin)

Then one person told us their story and the other listened politely (as well as possible given the circumstances of being in a locked ward and current levels of reality)… Was very good to hear a story. So similar to me. Everyone is similar. I really need to get funding for my own studies. Once I get through this summer and learn to sit still long enough to finish things I start……..

Interruptions at a “normal” N.A meeting are a severe breach of protocol, punishable by institution, jail or death. At Ward 27 interruptions are normal. They are to be expected. Discouraged somewhat perhaps. But expected, tolerated and dealt with on a case by case basis.

What can you do? We are there to share our experiences and hope. I am still working on the sharing of wisdom. I am better with answering questions. In short bursts at that.

Much better to encourage open dialogue than shut people down.

Towards end of meeting I see the nurse looking in taking notes. The nurse must be doing the “obs”. They keep a close track on these back at the Ward HQ. They can, more than likely, decide your fate under the mental health act based upon these observation reports of your behaviour. “Seen a lot with that punk rocker who reeks of alcohol” is probably an observation to avoid on your chart. You may be better off sitting in an N.A meeting talking relatively coherently. I just wish the nurses could hear some of what goes on. Damn good stuff.

I was running a little late and got a text message when at the top of the ramp leading to the doom. Had parked in Newtown earlier at supermarket to avoid the city parking wardens and walked to meeting. The text read “where the fuck are you?”. Well, honestly, it didn’t say that. But if she was me, that’s what it would have said.

Me, being a twit, replied “thought I had sent a text” which was true. I had started writing a text ten minutes ago saying “I am a bit late… Sorry” but didn’t send it as got sidetracked.

I knew she would get this text and be confused. I also knew she would be sitting in the seats in the foyer waiting.

I was correct on both counts.

Soon after seeing her I decided to be less ambiguous with texting from now on. Sorry for any harm, emotional or otherwise, caused by my misdeeds. 

We make amends to all those we have harmed….

Other than Sam McBride. He can frame the sloppy dog turd I am sending him on December 25th.

Mental Health Unit N.A meetings…

I now know some people actually read some of this writing. I know this because I put a feedback form on the last post, and some people replied. 100% of the people actually were basically N.A walking, talking, breathing N.A adverts. That is fine.

As I have said all along, before ever going to an N.A meeting… Rule number one, is never talk about fight club. But, wait, that was a different fable… Rule number one of this fabulously fabricated fiendly fable was “keep an open mind.”

Which, prey tell, I am attempting. 

I am not 100% on N.A, the concepts of higher powers etc etc etc. As discussed previously, A.A and subsequent twelve steps programmes all come from a pretty staunch church sect and they insist that addiction is a disease.
(Please see (got-a-new-key-ring) post from last week…)

But, all these problems with N.A and the foundations of their movement (fellowship, whatever) still don’t mean that I will stop going or that I hate it that much. I gave two people my number this week as they wanted help with various things. At my ninety day clean time key ring thing someone started commenting about how good I was at the Mental Health Locked Ward meeting, showing unbelievable patience and empathy. I think they mean in comparison to my usual impatience and random abusive outbursts.

These meetings are every second Tuesday through the double air-lock security at the mental health unit.

I like these meetings a lot. 

In the first place I was not meant to be allowed to attend due to “lack of clean time.” But, I simply said I would lie and claim years of clean time. In the end we worked out a way around the strict rules and regulations set down by N.A with regards to H+I (hospital and institution) meetings whereby I could attend.

And, I am bloody glad I do. Have been to every one since walking in the doors of N.A three months ago.

Sometimes I make a real connection there. On a couple of occasions the more senior members have even said “thank fuck you were there. You’re awesome…” Obviously it helps having walked the streets of Newtown and Wellington from a young age. Although not meeting anyone I actually know in the wards, I have met a lot of people whom I could have known.

Which brings me to my point for the morning….

What is the Point?

Someone at N.A who is quite a “leader” if given half an opportunity (yeah, he can be bossy) has come to a few of these Mental Health meetings and took it upon himself to raise the issue of needing more people to go during another meeting. He tried handing out fliers advertising the meeting and the twelfth step which says “we can only keep what we have by giving it away” which roughly translates to “do some service for others”.

* I AM DOING THIS SERVICE FOR OTHERS BECAUSE I DAMN WELL WANT TO, FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT, AND **GENUINELY** HELP OTHERS *

I do not do it because it is a rule in a N.A book.

The stigma is quite amazing actually. 

At the start of the “Locked Ward” meeting I stick up the N.A signs and twelve step rules on the wall and the mental health patients all run a mile. “Narcotics” are bad. They are not on “narcotics”. They are all just addicted to benzo’s, crystal meth, pot, beer, spirits, methadone, morphine or poppy. They are not narcotics addicts, no fucking way! They stay away in their droves!

At the end of the Newtown N.A meeting Mr ‘Clean Time’ tries to hand out N.A pamphlets for the mental health ward meeting. “No way are we going to a mental health ward. I have trouble even driving past it, never mind stopping at it” was one ladies reaction. Others had a quiet word to me outside later and all were fairly sure that the mental health unit was a complete no go. There is no way they are associating with mental health, no fucking way! They stay away in their droves!

Well, fuck me Batman.

What’s that Robin?

I think, what we have here is a paradoxical human environment.

Get off the crack you Lycra wearing wanker.

What I mean to say is, my esteemed capped crusader, that all the people whom identify as “addicts” every day at N.A meetings are constantly saying that they are “fucked in the head” and are left with all these strange thoughts, suicidal feelings, feel like they are left out of society, have problems socialising, have been abused, have been………………

Fuck Robin. I am getting the picture…

Do I have to explain more for the American audience Batty boy?

Don’t fucken bother toss pot. No one from America would read this far anyway.

Help me Obi-Wan, for you are our only hope.

Dude, you are not Princess fucken Lea from Star Wars. Although, those tights are quite fetching….

Some pictures then, thanks to ixquick.com, the worlds most private search engine…

What the N.A people think of mental health wards

staged_junky

What ward patients think of Narcotics Addicts

Actual mental health ward

Possibly a narcotics addict builder

I have said it a few times here, the whole “recovery industry” thing is driving me up the wall.
There are people at the top of the game whom speak at the likes of TED conferences but then there are the many whom are just writers or pushers of a narrow philosophic field that works fine for people whom it works fine for. But advertising your book as “recovery that works” is crazy talk.

You belong in the ward I visit every second Tuesday.

Bring back the stigma.

It is *NOT* cool to be a recovering addict. It is the first step.

The next step for the problematic addict is to deal with the emotion, the bi-polar, the ADhD, the PTSD, the depression, anxiety, social issues, OCD, strong phobias, ASPD…… Hell, some are even left handed!

Just about every letter of every acronym in the mental health dictionary shows up at every N.A meeting.

Including stress…

Left handedness. A curse from the devil.

Devils do not really do curses, do they? If I have trouble believing in god, then why should “devil” roll off my tongue so simply? Someone give me a big bag of smack. Stat.

Those who read these fabricated frolicking fiendish fables avidly (… hahaahaha …) will have read about my theories of left handedness.

I have an overwhelming compulsion to go study it for ten years and see what I come up with. But, in general, people with left handedness are very inclined to membership of the more “disordered” brain types. ADhD, autism, psychopathic traits… Definitely addiction, creativity, high achievers… Look at all the TV shows carefully. You will spot a disproportionate number of left handed people. Presidents, Prime Ministers, Artists… Don’t be fooled by all the “right handed” guitar players – As discussed previously, “left handed” is not really a black and white thing. They are lefties who play the instrument right handed.

Almost all of us “lefties”, “south paws”, or insert whatever colloquial name you prefer here ____________________, do some things right handed. So, once again, I suggest that all things are not black and white. All things are fifty shades of grey. A sliding scale of ambidextrous-ness….   I made a list for myself previously, it goes something like ;

LEFT

RIGHT

  • Write & Draw, including pen for computer drawings
  • Knife hand for spreading stuff on toast
  • Main Kicking foot
  • Remote control use
  • Knee (self defence)
  • Baseball bat soft hitting (also puts me closer to first base with momentum)
  • Mouse for computer controlling
  • Knife and Fork revert to right handed use once I have carved a large hunk of meat or finished spreading stuff with left hand
  • Although feels odd when I have to use it, I score more goals in football with this foot
  • Smart phone single handed usage
  • Throw
  • Punch
  • Fall (I slide or parachute roll by falling onto the right naturally)
  • Cricket Bat
  • Tennis
  • Baseball Bat hitting out

If you ask almost any (insert your own colloquial name) ________________________ what they do left and right handed, and really push them, you will find some things that actually are indicative of right handedness in the mix.

In a perfect world, which we all know does not exist and is actually getting further away with each passing minute, I have an astounding revelation that all people should be right handed.

The brain development processes that start before birth and major influences in first year of life dictate how certain bits of our frontal lobe develop. This, in turn, leads to more growth and nuero pathways being created in some areas, but an astoundingly large deficit in others. I have found no real data to back this up, nor have I looked. It is a formative theory at this stage.

Call it “FIERY FIENDS FUNDA-MENTAL FURORE beta rel1.666a” if you will. Or, FFFFb(rel1.66a) for short.

Let us presume, with all innocence of any conflicting facts, that the brain has a finite ability to grow and a fairly finite time frame to do so. Let’s say we fuel the growth with nutrients.

A science test you, too, can do at home…

We have three brains growing away quite happily from foetus stages in separate pots on our shelf. We supply all the brains the same amount of fuel, nutrients, daylight, whatever it is that they power their growth with.

We then tell one brain it is not going to be sociably accepted by giving it a decent tap on the right frontal lobe.

I say right, but now I cannot remember which side. It may be left. Sorry about that. Kind of ruins my story a little.

Anyway, we tap one brain a bit and it under develops that bit.

(in this case it will lead to problems with emotions, happiness, feeling loved… And lead to dopamine errors which will then lead to all sorts of things. Look it up elsewhere. I cannot remember what books, references or idiots said this. Physics in Mind and various other publications from this decade about Neuroscience and Attachment Theories anyway…)

This then means that the brain then has enough fuel to develop more pathways and connections elsewhere. Like the rear wheels on a car. If one wheel is spinning in the wet it has no traction, although the other wheel is still driving car forward at same speed (LSD diff)… If you are cornering, the motor is staying the same speed, but the inside wheel travels less than the outside. So, the rear axles are still getting the same power, but one wheel is turning faster.

A lot of ADhD and left handed people are generally considered “creative”. I would suggest we are more on the autism scale of brain development. Quite honestly, if nothing is black or white, but everything is fifty shades of grey, then us lefties are leaning towards Rain Man.

This can make us extraordinary. Or, with the wrong environment, completely mad and antisocial psycho wankers. Just look at our esteemed Prime Minister, John Key, Americans George W. Bush & Bill Clinton.

In addition to indications of dislocation in the life circumstances of people who later become addicted, there are frequently visible indications of dislocation in their individual temperaments. Visible temperamental problems that are likely to precede addiction include depression, hyperactivity, chronic pain that interferes with normal life activities, a reduced attention span, heightened emotionality, alienation, personal insecurity, anxiety, conflict with parents, a sense of meaningless, and a perceived loss of control*. A different line of research reveals that a variety of minor biological abnormalities, tremor, and electrophysiological ‘disinhibition’. Even left-handedness and a family history of left-handedness appear to correlate with the severity of alcoholism**. The fact that such an extraordinary diversity of of minor problems correlates with later addiction fits the dislocation theory, if it is assumed that almost any deficit, even one as minor as left-handedness, decreases the prospects of complete psychosocial integration.

Phew. What a bloody mouthful. This is from Globalization of Addiction, page 155 and is a bit of a stretch for me to be frank.

Hey Frank…
WHAT?
NZFiend is being you for a while.
WHAT A COCK.
Yeah, agreed.

So, no matter what Frank says, I take issue with the final sentence of Esteemed Esquire Bruce K. Alexander’s seminal work at this point.

“…such an extraordinary diversity of minor problems…”

To me, Bruce, they are not extraordinarily diverse. They are minor problems symptomatic of one larger issue.

Diverse Minor Problem

ME (a Major Problem)

…depression
yes
Worked this out way too late in life
…hyperactivity
yes
Always thought of this as a positive
…chronic pain that interferes with normal life activities
yes
Always thought this was why I liked opiates and getting wasted all the time.
Although, this too, took me a few years to work out. It wasn’t until a did a year or two clean that I realised how much f cken pain I was in!
… a reduced attention span
yes
Although, again, did not realise it until later in life.
Lucky I had a good teacher when young who always kept us busy (demanding, hard and abusive were what other students called him!)
…heightened emotionality
yes
Although this could be because I have the emotional age and responses of a typical eight year old.
…alienation
yes
hard to say if this was the cause, or the outcome.
BOTH.
… personal insecurity
yes
Impossible to have all these traits without the odd state of overwhelming insecurity
…anxiety
yes
Socially shy
…conflict with parents
yes
hard to say if this was the cause, or the outcome.
BOTH….
…a sense of meaningless
yes
Constantly. Always feel I should be doing something. Get really depressed, anxious and emotional about feeling meaningless actually.
Go figure.
…perceived loss of control yes
Why, on my blog I wrote a post about this just a few days ago.
…tremor yes
Although not saying this online before, I have had a few tremor type things. I get a spasm movement like “someone walked over my grave” almost daily. It is hard explaining it when people notice. My blood sister died of seizure in bath tub (drowned)
…electrophysiological ‘disinhibition’ ?
Cannot say for definite, but I would fall off my chair sideways if there wasn’t some of that going on.
I have given myself a headache just thinking about it.

ncbi.nln.nig.govIf you are anything like me, and I prey you’re not, you would have taken two hours to type this into WordPress. You would have just finished reading The Neurobiology of Opiate Motivation-2 online as you got side tracked from reading about electro-physiological dis-inhibition. Which is something I feel is also dependant on the way the brain develops. You will also not want to read this article I just read. Seriously, don’t…!

Statistics show left-handed people are more likely to be drug dependent, delinquent, dyslexic, ADhD, have Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis, as well as schizophrenic and other mental disabilities. We are also more likely to die young and get into serious accidents. Weirdly, all these same traits are also increasingly relevant to “addiction” of all forms. More statistics – The murder rate in Dioula of Burkina Faso in West Africa was only 0.013 murders per 1,000 residents each year, 3.4 percent of the population were left-handers. Meanwhile, over in Eipo of Indonesia there are three murders per 1,000 people each year. They have 27 percent lefties. It is also argued that lefties do better in a predominantly right handed population because they are different. Think about it, a bit of a difference, makes all the difference! ***

If we flick back to our three brains in bottles on the shelf – Our third brain gets a lot of good stimulus and positive experiences. It gets taken down off the shelf and gets taken on outings. We take it to the plays, sights and shopping malls around our area. We are careful to shield it from too many adverts and TV, for fear of turning it completely ADhD. This brain will be a normal right handed superior brain.

The other two?

Well, the other two are spawn of the devil.

One of which will be left handed.

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* Peele & Brodsky (1975); Kielholz and Ladewig (1977); Tarter et al (1985) ; Newcomb & Harlow (1986); Deyken et al (1987); Peele (1987); Tarter & Edwards (1987); D. Hurley (1991); Rosenblum et al (2003)
**London 1986
*** I should be bloody Buddha with lines like that.

100% original. Wow, clever leftie me.