This is me, imagine it… You’ll have to… There ain’t no photo worth sharing…
Dropped out of work to use and sell drugs.
Yeah, ptsd. Yeah, a bullet hole. Yeah, funerals. Yeah. All that and old and smashed up too.
It’s supply and demand. Literally.
And boy, did those junkies demand.
This is me at 21 years old. This is the day I graduated from the Detroit police academy at 4:00pm, went home and took a couple hour nap, woke up at 9:30 that night and reported to my first tour of duty at the 12th Precinct for midnight shift. Look at that smile on my face. I couldn’t have been more excited, more proud. Armed with my dad’s badge that he wore for 25 years on my chest, one of my mom’s sergeant stripe patches in my pocket, my lucky $2.00 bill tucked into my bulletproof vest, a gun I was barely old enough to purchase bullets for on my hip and enough naive courage for a small army, I headed out the door…my mom snapped this photo on my way.
The next 17 years would bring plenty of shed blood, black eyes, torn ligaments, stab wounds, stitches, funerals, a head injury, permanent and irreparable nerve damage, 5 ruptured discs, some charming PTSD and depression issues and a whole lot of heartache. They brought missed Christmases with my family, my absence from friends’ birthday get-togethers, pricey concert tickets that were forfeited at the last minute because of a late call and many sleepless nights.
I’ve laid in wet grass on the freeway for three hours watching a team of burglars and orchestrating their apprehension, I’ve dodged gunfire while running down a dark alley in the middle of the night chasing a shooting suspect, I’ve argued with women who were too scared to leave their abusive husbands until they realized they had to or they would end up dead. I’ve peeled a dead, burned baby from the front of my uniform shirt, I’ve felt the pride of putting handcuffs on a serial rapist and I’ve cried on the chest of and kissed the cheek of my dead friend, coworker and academy classmate even though it was covered in his own dried blood and didn’t even look like him from all the bullet holes. I know what a bullet sounds like when it’s whizzing past your ear, a few inches away, I know what the sound of a Mother’s shrilling scream is like when she finds out her son has been killed in the middle of the street and I know what it’s like to have to tell a wife and mother of 3 that her husband was killed in a car accident while on his way home from work.
Smells, pictures, sounds and sights are burned and engrained into our minds…things we can never forget, no matter how hard we try; things that haunt our sleep at night and our thoughts during the day; things that we volunteered to deal with so that you don’t have to. Things I don’t want my sister, little cousins or YOU to even have to KNOW about.
I never once went to work thinking, “I’m gonna beat someone tonight.”; “Hmmm…I think I’m gonna kill someone tonight.” I DID, however, go to work every night, knowing that I was going to do the best I could to keep good people safe, even if that meant that I died doing so.
We ALL need to start being more understanding and compassionate toward one another. Violence doesn’t cure violence and hate doesn’t cure hate. I’ve seen and experienced both sides of the spectrum since I left the PD and I get it. I truly do. But this all has to stop.
Are cops perfect? No. Are there bad cops? Yes. But please…understand that the vast majority of police are good, loving, well intentioned family people. They have husbands and wives and children and parents and pets and cousins and mortgages and electric bills and lawns that need cutting, just like you. They have hearts and consciences. They aren’t robots, they’re not machines and they just want to help keep the wolves away from the sheep. I KNOW there’s people who don’t deserve to wear the badge but they’re SO VERY few and far between. It breaks my heart to see all this hatred and anger flying around. All it’s doing is encouraging more of the same.
If you’ve read this far, thank you for listening. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that if you hate or don’t support one side or the other, to unfriend me and never speak to me again…I hope those are the people who come straight TO me. Because I’ll be more than happy to hug you and pray or meditate with you. I’ll be more than happy to listen to your concerns and let you vent and empathize with your feelings. But then I’ll encourage you to help me find a solution to end all this nonsense because if we’re not part of the solution, we’re part of the problem. Love to all of you. ALL OF YOU. We’re all SO much better than this.
❤️✌🏼❤️✌🏼❤️✌🏼❤️✌🏼❤️✌🏼️❤️✌🏼❤️✌🏼❤️✌🏼❤️✌🏼️
Banned myself from bikes for reasons similar to this life of mine ..
Full throttle or full brakes the whole time.
I mean whole fucking time.
Loan me a bike and find out. It’s just a switch that flicks. I’m off. See you in a few minutes. Maybe. Never cared to be honest… Miss it sometimes. But hey… Doing 189km between parked cars and stationary traffic without slowing down for red lights and straight through lines of traffic crossing me path.
Yuhp.
Fucking seriously.
Hit a few things. Busses. Cars. Posts. Trees. Second story windows…
Some bits hurt to this day.. Thirty years later.., I’m not surprised about that really.
Surprised I’m here to type this shit..
Yuhp.
Now life is more like the throttle is broken, I’m stuck in second with no clutch, the frame is bent and front wheel looks like an egg with a twist.
Still. It’s a life.
Back in the day I was one of the people with bright ideas who spoke with Peter Dunne. The NZ drug laws were screwed up, and media really made a meal of it.
Far better to have heinous crimes to sell their papers than let a quarter of the population get high safely.
Narcotics Anon could do with a new upbeat speaker or two…
What brings joy. Genuine joy.
Watching a chooken try to take food from large ex feral cat who no longer wants it and is intrigued by chooken. Both sticking noses out, both retreating in shock when the other flinches.
Chooken stands in water bowl. Gets a fright. Does a double take and starts drinking the spill like she’s been across the Saraha and back.
Cat bemused.
Joy.
Fuck humans.
Can’t argue. I’m capable of fucking up any wedding, funeral or event
Usual day
No reason why can’t save wild cats and be concerned with saving native ecosystems.
An hour of being up, out of bed… did a very quick layout on computer before spine died and tried talking to wild cats that I’ve trapped in catïō and computer room (my only room outside of the bus that’s not converting itself into a house with me being such a slack prick)
Now back on bed for a bit.
Not having saved much.
But hopefully someone, sometime, will see this and think “I need a beauty cat” or “I don’t need to save thirty seconds on my country long drive when I have to wait minutes at each set of lights when I get there”…
Bugger, done nothing else at all other than clean cat poo trays and have lunch all day….. Back on bed for a bit turns into all day.
Ah well. Could blame my spine, but it’s hardly even playing up. Well.
Guess I need someone in life to give a shit and do stuff to make place and myself presentable enough for visits and share things with people.
Just can’t be fucked.
Laying on bed watching TV on phone for days leads to issues getting started on anything again.
Fuck.
Happy with what?
Anything and everyone she said we could do…
🐸🤷♂️😐😢
I would have been over the moon with that.
Sadly she has shut down and lost interest. She always got more from me and our relationship than I got from her. But then I remember when she tried and would really experiment with excitment and was trying to bring that back..
We haven’t even had a decent full on sex season in months. I go to hers and she’s not in the mood after sending messages how Horny she is and she’s sorry she’s been so boring…
Really I presumed she was seeing others. She kept telling me to see others but would get angry and critical if I even hinted there were öppurtunities for me.
I had so many offers from guys to go and do things she tells the world she loves.. When I tell her I have chance with you, for instance, she acts excited and into it, but always comes up with an excuse.
Today was last straw. I’ve got some new toys for her and we’ve talked about stuff we both like so much..
She suggested trying pegging so I got her a strap on and then she felt she wasn’t doing it well… And now claims she hated it and I was rude for demanding she do it and I should just get a guy.
But that’s not the point love, I said.
Besides, a year ago she said she would love to see me with a guy.
So I found one. Becuase I’m trying to please her by doing and trying anything she wants.
I asked her on the night how would she feel v if… And her face went dark and silly sulky.
She’s a self centred narcissistic type who I didn’t mind getting off. I loved it, could force so many squirts out of her and loved the fact I thought we were on the same page.
But really, it’s been a real one way street.
From day one.
As a couple we could have done so much for ourselves and each other. She claims she loves me but wouldn’t even lift her bum up higher this afternoon after I had put the new toys in the car, told her that this was a final thing to have a last chance together as I am not happy with putting great effort and pride into things…
Hours of hand job for her.. Trenty orgasms including four that I prevented for a long time and had to keep putting her hand back on my cock.. Became a punishment in some ways… I would never hurt her like that, but I would not take my hand away and after a few hours she was squirting without me moving a finger, then shaking and squirting just by a finger touching her pelvis.. Not even near where she expected to cum from.
Today I tied up her tits and she c grudgingly got into a super tight t shirt I bought her. It’s something she knew about and we had never got around to.
I had plenty more things on the list
Even told her it was a bucket list day and make the most of it.
People were passing and staring at her amazing looking tits with me fiddling nipples, and hard cock stressing my pants. She got excited and wanted a bonk and then demanded we go home to her bed x despite the cushions, the covers, the drinks and the good food I had bought as we have had great sex in the car or on tracks…
I knew as soon as she wanted home that she would switch off and..
I got in the car and felt a massive wet slime stick to my leg.. That would have been great lube thirty seconds ago I thought.
We got back to hers and her phone kept going with her kid arranging this or that.
I’m sure they plan it… Like she sends a message to her kid in order to get a message back which she can ignore or look at depending what we are doing and if she wants to back out becuase, god forbids, she either has to put in a little effort or maybe she’s just guilty about having local drunks come and fuck her for beers that she can’t afford. I don’t know. She refuses to admit she’s been with anyone else even after asking me if she could.
I mean… Really, I’ve hung in for the last few months. If she’s seeing someone else, and doesn’t want me involved. That’s fine. Just tell me though…
Thing is, I used to screw around on every single relationship
I was working and playing hard at everything in life. It was just no strings bonking and fun without worry about their husband’s or my partner. I tried to be faithful but sometimes it gets too much going through the same vanilla sex and slowly introducing things… I mean.. One girlfriend was great. But wouldn’t do anal or public or a few other bits. It was a hard no.
Trying things and being told no is fine. But when the list of no.s is getting large… And she’s always late home from work as goes to pub gigs with her workmates.. Well… I had some great sex for me that meant the great sex my girlfriend gave me was exciting as I was getting away with it.
Strange she screwed around on me and then dumped me when I was okay with it.
😉😉😉
So, today we got back to hers and I left all the new things in the car and went up to find her in a baggy top and hardly bothering to acknowledge me.
I ended up having to wank as hadnt noticed the time and kid was due home.
Pathetic.
I came fast and fast again whilst she didn’t help. She gasped and moved when I touched her, but no interest in me. Just what I can do for myself and her.
After spraying her with a big load and telling her that was the third cum in the few minutes of wanking she went wide eyed and I pulled her into doggy position. The hair and the lazy position meant cock lost form by time it got anywhere. But ended up with her making lots of noises and seemed like she was loving having me fuck her.
But then, the windows are open. Her neighbors can all hear her and she’s been with a few of them in the past. And the boys across the street must fantasize about her as she’s always in and out the shower in view if they are looking.
And they look alright. I’ve seen them.
I must admit I enjoyed not cumming for hours and having her against the window absolutely shattered as she’s been coming and coming and I’ve almost got there but not quite. And the boys (20 something) over the road have been listening and going to the toilet every ten minutes from 4am until 7am…
Anyway… Today I wanked. Again. She didn’t touch me. Again. I put my cock in and was having a good fast fuck but her lack of effort made me soft and I couldn’t be bothered doing anything she might enjoy any more.
So I sat behind her and wanked and got it over her every where.
Which she “enjoys”. She pulls the right faces and gets the right horny look going when converted to a warm wet sponge overdosing in cum. She wanted a bukkake but had body issues in the end that means she wouldnt let others see her. But then a few of my ex partners saw a photo on this site and were jealous..
Is all just excuses.
So.. Today I said THANK YOU even though I had driven to pick her up, bought food, toys a good attitude and a willingness to do good for her.
I said thank you for pretending to like my cum all over you.
Bye.
It was 3.15 and kid was due home.
She says sorry she feels pressure by the time.
I don’t bother saying anything about how she insisted we would be better and more comfy at her place.
She has issues. For sure
And I feel for her.
But I’m better off with no sex at all and wanking my poor cock when I need to than going on believing that she’s ever going to try.
Sadly it’s easy for single females to get free beer, or outings or whatever and get sex too.
Just lay.. Like being a sack of potatoes.. And move on to the next guy.. If he gets you off and is a good fucker than maybe tell him all these crazy stories about kinky sex you want to try.
And then, a few years later be confused when he’s tried to get you to do all this stuff with him.
..
I’m sure she’s done a lot.. Well.. A lot of normal sex with swinger groups…
She enjoyed so much of what she was surprised to see from me. Really was fun introducing her to some things but was very confusing why she kept telling me about all the great couples events she had been to but was so reluctant now.
When we first got together I was reluctant as we had so much to learn to get the best out of it.
Sadly any dim candle of hope that she gave a single shit about anyone else’s pleasure was extinguished today.
Returning home to be with your guy for a few hours. When your not been together for a fortnight.
Yeah right.
.
So I’m single. And male. And broke. And ugly.
But have really good fucking hands and am open to trying anything that the limited offers are interested in.
Have made fuck machines, have all sorts of toys and devices. Can tie you up or walk on a beach at sunset hands together.
Or tie your hands together on a beach at sunset.
Happy doing whatever.
Just not waiting until whenever
Good afternoon, other than the bugger of having te horo milk bottle lid that didn’t seal on properly leave a litre of prime A2 organic style goodness in your back seat.
Don’t be like a lazy junky bum fuck and pretend your milk and coffee spills never happened. FIX IT NOW, before stench.
And
NZ Fiendishly Fiends Fabricated Withdrawal Fables 