Day 24, no N.A. meeting and people suck

First time I have intended to go to an N.A meeting and just stayed home watching TV instead.

Old Drunk George from a few units up was outside the corner shop. They wouldn’t let him in, so he was swaying drunkardly in the doorway asking them for smokes. He is old, he lives on booze, people cannot understand him as he is drunk. And Polish. Loud Drunk Polish to the average New Zealander sounds a bit grim. But to the Indian shop owners it was enough to get him kicked out. And so he stood on the doorway swaying and shouting. See’s me…

“Hey George, what you up to?” says I?


“Ah, right you are…”

I went in and purchased a $2.80 samosa, which would be my lunch.


George was yelling at me holding his money card out to me.

“Hey George, sorry mate. They aren’t going to serve you and I cannot work out what you want old mate…”


“George, sorry, cannot understand you right now. But these guys are not going to serve you, take your shopping home and come back later okay mate?”


SHOPKEEPER SAYS – Get him out, tell him to piss off.


I didn’t. I smiled at Drunk Puolish George and said quietly “good luck with the Indians mate, lucky they weren’t first on Hitlers list aye?

Drunk Old Poulishhhhh George just about winked, but the balance required of shutting one eye and keeping the other open just about crashed him to the floor. He opened both eyes, grinned and let out a mighty “BLUUUUUUUUURRRRZRRRRRRRRR INNNNIIIIANNNNNNNNSSSSS”

I walked off to the library.

Sorry George. Hope all the kids went to other shops. For hours.


On the way to library I stopped off and got the FLESH D-VICE L.P signed by Dwayne, the bass and lyric guy for the album. His face lit up; “where the fuck did you get that Fiend?…” It’s my X’s, sign it. It may be worth more that way. It won’t be sold until we’re dead mate, but what the hell. “Fuck yeah Fiend, I’ll sign it on the back though, I like that cover…”.… He was proud as punch to see his first ever professionally produced L.P in his hands again. “Fuck Fiend, give me a look at the disk… … … … Yeah man, well played, I think I can still see seamen and vomit on track 3 look…….” Hahahahah good shit Dwayne. We spent an hour talking shit about old Fords, old punk music and I ended up buying Neworder Fine Time, Don’t do It 12″ single. FAC 223. Cover by Peter Saville Associates now. Oooo. Hoity and toity. Factory records went posh in 1988 huh? I don’t think the ex is going to like my plans for keeping the LP’s… Hahahahahahahahahaha. Nah, cannot do that. She was more onto it than me and managed to not only own, but keep, a music collection from this era. She’ll get it back. Maybe with a little more seamen and vomit…

Finally got to the library and asked them to buy a bunch of Gabor Mate and Bruce Alexander publications. And then got entirely side tracked…. I looked at meditation books, NZ Punk books, heavy as all hell medical, philosophical… I looked at everything other than the car manuals.

Clive Townsend

Author of SABOTEUR ZX Spectrum 1984 computer game. Also used 5 bits to store alpha numeric characters so as to fit three characters into the space of two 8 bit characters.  I actually wrote a program in around 50bytes which compressed most loading screens by 25%…. 100% quality, no loss. More like a ZIP than a JPG… You gotta realise I was ten, eleven, twelve… This wasn’t bad going I think… Working out how this guy had written his game when it was just a bunch of 40,000 numbers from 0-255 sounds silly nowadays huh?

Spent four hours in library. This story is going to go hay wire. I can see it coming. Am too damn all over the place. 90% of you should just skip this bit until you hit a arrow….

You have been warned.


Had an amazing discovery or two. As a child I learnt to program some Z80 Machine code. The limits of binary pissed me off. ON OFF. I know the way OR, AND, NOT, XOR operations work. I thought, what if the things weren’t magnetic. What if they had ON, OFF and another state? You see, because of the limitations of data (bandwidth) at the time I was working on compression to fit more data down a limited speed resource (1200 baud modem).  Also, with the ZX Spectrum only have 40k usable memory (that’s 40,000 BYTES – less than the content your internet browser downloaded to view this one message!) , I worked out how to store the alphabet from A-Z in capitals in four bytes. ASCII uses 8. By using a 5 bit number, you could reduce the amount of instructions (reduction in the size of character set from 256 to 32 options) Trust me, it worked. Someone else found it too – When I was hacking a ZX Spectrum game called SABOTEUR I used it in reverse to find the HIGH SCORE chart, and from there worked backwards to find INFINITE LIVES hack. You try it, let me know how you get on. Remember, I was eleven at the time. This is pretty clever for an eleven year old really. Ever since then I have had this idea lurking in my mellon that it could be possible to revolutionise computing by adding a third option – “NON ON OR OFF” to binary.

Well, simply F CK ME. Have I told you how I don’t believe in co-incidence?

I see a book on the shelf, it has no interest to me visually. It looks like a bored student studying Graphic Design 101 – Data Analysis had no time left to hand in their project and quickly fired up Illustrator, drew some circles and hit print. The title of the book is Physics in Mind, A Quantum View of the Brain. Wellington City Library has put a sticker over the author… I pick it up as maybe this book will have my theory of brain waves and therefore I can confirm my idea of ESP and People On Same (A)Wavelengths being able to converse via…. Well…. I will explain that more another time huh?

Anyhooooo…..After reading a few of the first chapters in order to get to grips with everything – And holy hell was it interesting – I flipped to a random page as needed to go toilet and figured I’d get one last look before diving off and finding the loo’s.

PAGE 256. HAHAHAH. Have I mentioned about 256? 11111111 FF? Fiends Fabulously… FF 256 * 256 = 65536.6 or FFFF, fabolous fundamental fact Fiend, funny (I add the 0.6 just to fuck up Dan Brown and his Di Vinci Code style crap…! Neal Stephenson check him out – he’s better… ) … So…

Uhm holy shit. I have been typing this for half an hour as keep going off and finding crap, I have twenty odd tabs open and will never remember half of what I just looked at. Needless to say that MIDI synth and wave form creation software are not part of this post. HELP ME. Someone employ an editor.

Here is a walkthrough of the Saboteur game on ZX Spectrum anyway…. ^^^^^^

Where was I again?

Are you sure I don’t have any attention problems officer?

Oh yeah, people on same wavelengths, but I used Finnish for wavelength so it makes sense as an acronym… POSA, rather than POSW. Right. Well….

It cracked me up when the Z80a assembler instruction set booklet I downloaded the other day was 256 pages long. I think they did that on purpose. The last entry seemed remarkably long winded. JEEZUS BLOODY H CHRIST NZFIEND. Stick to the point.

Right you are Jimmy;

the point is that on PAGE 256 (yeah yeah) of this book that I picked up randomly there is a chapter called “Molecular Quantum Information Processing and Quantum Computing“.

Wow you say. Great. You read all that crap for what?


Figure 18.1 – Manipulating a Hydrogen Nucleus… The nucleus arranges itself to spin along an axis of an external magnetic field either spinning clockwise or counter clockwise. An oscillating electromagnetic field applied tilts the nucleus sideways, thus registering 0 and 1 at the same time. – Physics in Mind by Werner R. Loewenstein.




For Christs sake NZFiend, what, prey tell, is the point. God help us?

So, you know what… I am not at N.A meeting as I am rediscovering some old thoughts and re-working them in my head. This is fun. Even though it is using up all my 3G internet bandwidth. Rapidly. Hope Social Welfare will give me a food grant or something. I am liking the internet. I apologise in advance to everyone else on it……….. You know what else? I hated the way that shop owner treated old drunk George. It really pissed me off, and other than being friendly to George I couldn’t help. How the hell do I make a career out of stupid ideas that make no sense to anyone until too many years late? How do I combine that with doing arty farty stuff? How do I combine that with my wish to change the world? How do I combine that with my wish to empathise and help with individuals at the personal coal face of addiction and mental health? F ck d if I know. Maybe if I was actually 14, and not just reverting back there from twenty five years of wastedness I would have the answer. You see, every little thing we do changes us. That is a fact. You live with it, you move on. You cannot put a butterfly back in its chrysalis, but I can now have some say in not who am I, but WHOM DO I WANT TO BE.  This is a major change in focus today. Stuff who I am. I am a fourteen year old at emotional level, a thirty year old in my own head inhabiting a sixty year old body. Who I am going to be? Wow. Wonder if the local High School would loan me their career counselor for a few months?,.,…..


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